Tag Archives: positive thoughts

One step further.

After my last post I did 2 more massages and felt very draggy. It was an additional puzzle piece, noticed by a text conversation with my husband.

It seems I keep noting, through fatigue, a desire to not be the strong one for a bit. I just want someone else to be strong for me for a while. That whole someone rescue me for once.

This desire though seems to be the trigger tripping all of my weaknesses. They are now running rampant in my brain and I need to clear them out again.

The acupuncturist asked me what was wrong and I simply glazed over things with “struggling with my self-image”. She replied “ah to be a woman”.

So between the damn hormones of my gender and my own personal mix of hell, I have quite the mess.

I know my thyroid is skirting the uncomfortable side of high. I was trying to compensate for gluten and dairy, and managed to swing to the other extreme- without medication. It manifested yesterday in feeling a little high, like slight marijuana exposure, but without that herb. Today it has been anxiety and heart palpitations, especially during the workout.

What I don’t get is how I’m running high and still feeling exhausted. Except that I’m horribly overdue for a day of downtime. Tomorrow is mostly that. Restful sleep would also do wonders as my fitness band has not tracked any significant deep-sleep in days.

So for now, I pray that God help me be strong and get some rest, and balance my thyroid again. And I will continue to battle the weaknesses with Abraham techniques.

The one resonating right now is the flip. It’s where you acknowledge that if it feels bad then it is the opposite of what is in your vortex. So by acknowledgement of that you can then reach for something in proximity of the divine version. I’ll start by apologizing for a few of my hindrances.

So:

I’m sorry for needing anyone’s validation. I’m sorry that I lost sight of my inner being for a bit. I’m sorry I desired the condition of others showing their attraction to me, or their love for me. I’m sorry I needed to hear someone say I am beautiful. I’m sorry I forgot what it is like to feel beautiful. I’m sorry I was needy and blinded by negatives. Please forgive me, thank you, I love you.

Now:

Being down about my beauty means that God sees me as beautiful in every way.

Feeling ugly means that I really am beautiful.

Feeling like no one, or only Nathan finds me beautiful, really means that many people find me beautiful. (It’d be nice if they showed it or told me, just sayin’, not a requirement, just appreciated).

Feeling like society standards are unreachable means that somehow they are.

Feeling like I’m pressured to slice myself to meet those standards means that it’s not the only choice.

Feeling like I need to meet those standards really means that God doesn’t expect that and appreciates me exactly the way I already am.

That does feel better. I have a long ways to climb. So, I will acknowledge you get the idea and I will do the rest in my brain, followed with a couple/few rounds of mantra meditation.

It seems my days cycle like this in a much faster loop. I’m not sure if that is a good or bad thing. It just is different than my past.

Fall on something pointy, acknowledge the problem, reach for solution, work towards solution, feel better, repeat. I’m certain that people around probably think I’m crazy, but based on Abraham teachings technically I’m on the right track. It just seems to be a bit of a harsh cycle for me. Abraham swears it gets better the more you do it. I look forward to that.

May you know you’re not alone. May your thought journeys go easier on you. May you feel beautiful and loved. May you know your worth in God’s eyes. May you see your own beauty and worth. May you have a gentle ride and the easy river. May solutions flow easily into your experience. May you have the support of others in your experience. May you climb all of your beliefs up the emotional scale. May you feel your connection and know it is guiding you toward better. May you easily regain that viewpoint when you falter.

Siva Hir Su

The Bus stops at 12 Pillars

If you’re a regular reader, you may remember my posts from reading “The Energy Bus” last Fall in conjunction with my activities job. It was very helpful and good encouragement.

In between we read another book called Soup by the same author Jon Gordon. Also a good read.

Today the universe enabled me to have just barely enough time to read another follow up, provided by the chiropractor at the clinic.

The 12 Pillars by Jim Rohn and Chris Widener

This book was an easy read taking me a little over an hour to complete in between clients. Yet, I found it very helpful and a good reminder.

The 12 Pillars were broken down into a very easy format, and though they covered similar information to other books I had read, a new fresh perspective helps revisit topics that never leave your life.

Here’s the chapter breakdown:

The 2 chapters on relationships were definitely helpful in seeing avenues I can improve, but at the same time validation that steps I had already taken with people in my life were on the right track. I really appreciated the explanation of how to make better strides with a spouse as that is by far my weak spot. Despite loving Nathan very much, I resonated with the train of thought this book was on. It really magnified in a clear way things that I’ve fumbled and how I can make strides for improvement.

I was very glad to see validation of my self-improvement efforts, and also grateful to see I’m on the right path.

There was a recommended reading list in chapter 7 (see below) that I was amazed I’d read several titles in it.

Yes, this self-labeled pagan has read the Bible. Not to memorization level, but enough to know it’s true contents.

I’ve also read numbers 8, 9, 17, and parts of 16, 10, and 7. I admit that even though I do push myself to keep learning and growing: because it is so helpful in leading a positive life; I still fall prey to life’s pitfalls and failed to finish those 3 books. Perhaps this is a reminder to go back and try again. Perhaps that will wait until I finish writing my CEU courses. Only time will tell that!

I would ad to that list “The Power of Now” by Eckhart Tolle, “You Can Heal Your Life” by Louise Hay, and several books by Iyanla Vanzant.

I am very goal oriented, and have been slowly working on myself for just shy of a decade. I am going to keep on this path, knowing I’m on my bus, and hope you will join me by reading this particular book.

May you find yourself improving. May you have easy access to helpful information and the tools you seek and need. May you see positive changes in your life, and may you be accepted by those positive people in your experience.

Siva Hir Su

My Polyamory

I have intentionally not written much on this topic because about a year ago I went and posted a bunch of links and good info from other sites. There are so many aspects to look at and perspectives to consider that it is all just too much for me to even attempt.

However, Nathan suggested that I write at least once on my experiences and opinions on the matter. So, I’m taking his advice.

First and foremost Polyamory is many loves, a plural relationship based in a foundation of love.

From the view of a successful balanced poly family, I’ve not had much luck, at least in maintaining such a plural commitment. However, I have had lots of fine tuning and reevaluating, which Abraham says is always a good thing. I’m going to agree.

Nathan and I used to be, what gets labeled “Unicorn Hunters” by more forceful poly opinions. We were ‘significant-others’ seeking a single bisexual female to balance my bisexuality. After several failed attempts to find our good fit, we relaxed into accepting that our perfect woman might come attached to another person. It might also happen that we find several people to meet both mine and Nathan’s needs and desires.

Our hesitation with accepting the concept of multiples, initially was brought on mainly by fearful thoughts of: how do you get multiple adults on the same page and keep them in agreement and in cooperation. Especially regarding children in the family, rules of behavior, setting expectations, and even logistics of cleaning and cooking. However, at this point in our marriage we have come to the conclusion that those are challenges any relationship faces regardless if there are 2 or 12 people. We also now have lots of experience dealing with each other and multiple attempts at significant-other additions. We’ve also come to conclusions that some things are easier if approached like companies handle staffing: creating schedules and assignments of tasks, which can always be adjusted and changed as needed.

So at this point we’re much more open to alternate options and arrangements for our family structure, and have a better grasp of the interpersonal needs that entails. Our main goal now is that a variety of needs and desires are met, and that all adults act like adults and remain considerate of the family as a whole when making significant decisions. If those decisions are likely to impact the family in a huge way (move, replace belongings, or decisions regarding educational or medical concerns) then the family should be consulted with a proposal before final decisions are made.

Informed consent is a mainstay of poly whether it’s in regards to sex, reproduction, or any familial life event. Furthermore, informed consent requires a certain level of communication skills. You may have a great idea, but if you can’t make your case well to those involved it’s likely to fall flat.

So those elements have become our biggest priorities.

Beyond that, previous relationships ended due to factors involving but not limited to: personality clashes, instability due to processing previous traumas, and a lack of commitment by one or multiple parties. So we have simplified our request to the Divine that: future partners have their own stuff figured out at least well enough to cause only more minor bumps, previous severe traumas have been healed likewise, and that all parties be willing to commit enough to work through remaining glitches. All relationships have bumps, bruises, and fights, but it’s the severity and willingness to work through them that enable the relationship to last. Everyone coming together to learn and grow and heal, leads to happy long lasting family.

Acceptance of our humanness, and unconditional love allows for infinite growth. To me that means that I might get mad or frustrated with someone, but as long as I can refocus and remember we’re all human and that I do love them, then I can work through the upset to find a solution. That is the place of understanding that I aim for everyone in my family to hold.

There are also factors like honesty, openness, truthfulness, cooperative attitudes, and open mindedness which would be very important.

Finally, I wish to add compromise. A mainstay of finding solutions is learning how to compromise. There is almost always an answer that everyone can live with. It may not be perfect in everyone’s opinion, but gets the job done. Finding those compromises is paramount to maintaining family cohesion, and adults wishing to be in my family need to demonstrate an ability to compromise.

In conclusion, my ideal of Polyamory has evolved over the last 15 years to be less about the fine details and more about overarching qualities that I wish for people to exhibit.

Not to be too cliche, but can’t we all just get along, and all you need is love, would be the more concise mentality.

May you all find your family based in love and acceptance, but which committedly works through compromise to ensure everyone just gets along.

With love, be well. Siva Hir Su.