Tag Archives: possibilities

Magic Hippies Inspiration

So today I was battling the intrusive negativity again, and in the process utilized a mental light-bulb moment.

I had the realization that the Hippies of the 60’s and 70’s really won. They spent all of their time thinking about and talking about free-love, oneness, and all things feeling good. Now 60 years later we have cannabis being legalized (soon to be federally legal), and even plural marriage is being legally recognized in Brazil and Massachusetts, with other governments contemplating it. I suspect that like LGBTQ marriage, it will only be a matter of time until all states willingly (or have to) recognize plural marriage, good for us Polyamory people (polygamists too I suppose).

Anyway, the thoughts of the good things to come from those wonderful hippies years ago helped me to fight off the negativity. I really just focused on the elements of the old negative paradigm that have already fallen, and the pieces that are currently in the progress of falling. It made me happy to focus on the progress that society has made, and that the old guard clinging so tightly to their unhelpful beliefs is gradually fading away (or dieing). It made me happy to acknowledge that their clinging to things that weren’t working, is ultimately what led to their demise, and that the progressive leading edge is where life thrives. That simple dichotomy was what was so relieving. It really solidified that all I need to do is stick to the leading edge feel good things, and I will thrive like everything else. It feels really good to acknowledge that.

It is the magic of the Law of Attraction or the thought revolution: to simply reach for what feels good knowing that it will eventually produce real life feel good tangible things. Again, that quote from Aleister Crowley plays in my mind: “Magic is the art and science of creating change in conformity with will”. We all have access to magic and it is our will, our ability to focus, that enables it to do wonderous things.

This has only been solidified by watching anime with my kids.

First we watched “Mary and The Witch’s Flower” a 2017 movie in the Studio Ghibli style, and now we are working on the NetFlix Original series “Little Witch Academia” also similar in animation to Studio Ghibli.

Both shows are obviously oriented towards Magic and the unseen world and the good things that it can do and accomplish. This theme is continued from our recent exploration of She-Ra, and I have to say I am beginning to see it’s influence in my life and my kids’ experience.

I had a conversation with my 6 year old where he was trying to harsh on the shows, by saying magic wasn’t real. I simply explained to him that it was his perspective that was making it seem like that.

I explained that real magic isn’t seen with our two eyes like it seems in the cartoons. I told him real magic is seen with the mind and our 3rd eye. I explained how our thoughts create things, (for like the millionth time!) and reiterated that the magic depicted in the cartoons is a portrayal of that process. I told him the cartoons just make it look flashier to make it even more exciting, but it’s really something everyone can learn to do and the better you get, the quicker things begin to show up. I said “I can’t make something appear instantly, but then again I haven’t spent my whole life trying to either”.

I also reminded him of my Reiki work and moving energy. I reminded him of how we have worked together for him to learn bending elemental energy like in Avatar, and that he is starting to get it. I explained that moving energy like that, be it for healing someone or doing good in your environment, is all a form of magic. I reminded him that he can barely feel the elemental energy right now, but it can still be felt. So even though it’s not big and flashy and obvious like in any of those cartoons, it is still very much his magical gift.

One step further, I acknowledged that many of the shows of my childhood, and now those shows I am watching with my kids, have all contributed to a better understanding of these unseen portions of our experience. There are now two, maybe three, generations with a better grasp of the energetic world. Now only do we sense it better, we are choosing to use it in helpful ways, having seen the effects of a handful of powerful white men utilizing it for their own personal gain and manipulating the masses. (1%’ers). Us younger generations are intent on creating positive change that benefits everyone, and the momentum is already gaining, thanks to those early hippies having done their good thought work. It is a wonderous blessed thing to be able to step back and see it all, and it makes me feel so good.

On an only slightly related tangent. I had a conversation that began over woodworking projects, and segued into my swords. Ultimately, the conversation was because I need to replace a damaged mount for the one sword and in the process I need to accommodate our others. I was talking with the one chiropractor about that and he offered that I might be able to use his wood-shop on a day off to do that.

How it related to magic, thought, and powerful will, was in the swords themselves.

I have always disliked guns because they do immense damage, and anyone with working hands can pick one up and fire it, often mortally wounding someone. It’s how we have so many idiots going on killing rampages, kids accidentally killing siblings, and bullets damaging houses and cars because of a sports win. I myself have only fired guns once in my life, at the age of 13, and I can say with certainty that I could kill someone if I had to use a gun.

Swords however, are like those magical thoughts. Swords have immense power and can bring a foe to the end of their life, but swords can also be wielded in more positive ways, and the handler is the one that can make that decision. Swords require skill and knowledge for their force to be managed properly. Swords require strong will, power, focus, and vast knowledge for their usefulness to be realized. They are also quite beautiful compared to any firearm. I personally think that is why swords are still utilized in cartoons where guns are not. She-Ra had mad skills with the sword even though she was trained by the Horde to use guns, and rarely did she strike someone with the sword directly, yet she always accomplished the goal.

The cartoons I have watched with my kids have really solidified for me that you need more than just raw power. You need a full understanding, control of your self, control of your thoughts, knowledge, skill, and willpower to utilize it all effectively. The sword is just a symbol of all of that for me.

So now my inspiration is two-fold.

  1. Make mounts to hang my swords again.
  2. I want to create an art piece that somehow reflects both the concept of the She-Ra Sword and the ‘Skiny Rod’ or ‘Claiomh Solais’ that Akko carries in “Little Witch Academia”
    • I have an idea started, but it needs some fine tuning before crafting it can begin. I still have so many other things on my massive to-do list that it may be quite some time before I even get to attempt the construction. We’ll see. As with all things I never say never. I may get to it sooner than I think

May you have good thought moments. May you see and understand what your magic is and how to utilize it fully. May you have a positive impact on this world, especially with your thoughts and will. May you have quality time and good learning lessons with your kids. May you have more than enough inspiring moments to draw from in your lifetime. May you find that you are riding the leading edge and full of life force because of it. May you know that above all else, God loves and supports you in all that you do.

Om Shanti

The Why of Bad.

I have been contemplating the why of negative emotions this week from a practical standpoint. I am very familiar with Abraham Hicks and others that speak of wanting to focus on positive vibrations to attract more positive things into your life. I am also familiar with Abraham Hicks stating that negative emotions feel negative because they oppose the way your spirit feels about something. These are not new concepts to me, and I have worked with them heavily for several years now. However, I find that it is a good reminder for myself to look at things through these lenses, and anytime I find a good reminder for myself I feel like it would also help others.

So I am going to break down things that have come across my mind lately and reach for the possible whys of the negativity felt. Essentially, what is one thought that feels like it is in closest proximity to what my spirit feels on the subject. I am probably going to use many topics to convey this to cover as many different ideas as possible, but I am going to start with a few close to my heart.

I have been picking up on negative trains of thought floating through my experience. I believe a lot of it was and continues to be triggered by my incessant father’s negativity. Even with his moving to Arizona, I can not seem to completely detach that cord formed at birth. I have merely managed to squeeze it off to a tiny trickle. However, negativity is all around these days and it’s not hard to bump up against negative thoughts. What I am discovering is that when I bump up against a negative thought it seems to give me the negative of whatever is on my mind, so things I generally am okay on, will suddenly become a bothersome thought. That’s why I am choosing to start with my own stuff because it is what is on my mind the most.

My others, just a couple of examples:

I have been contemplating the 3 in my experience a lot because I can feel them as being very active in my heart center again. I will call the person from India and their connected person “the duo”- they are the ones I feel left and right of heart center. Based on my recent reach out, I think I now know who the left is, but may have missed the mark on the right side. The 3rd person is an american man, he holds the position just below heart center- not quite to solar plexus area, so I’ll just refer to him as “Beau”. All 3 have been active for me for quite some time now, but The Duo has been active for over 5 years at this point. Being they still reside in my heart, I know they are significant and will eventually mean something. Generally speaking I accept all 3 as being very significant for me personally and already consider them family due to their seemingly permanent residence in my energetic awareness. Most of the time I feel their emotions (including arousal and negative emotions) or awareness of something I did. I have had a strong knowing for a long time now that all 3 will eventually come around to making some sort of commitment in my life. It is the knowing and the dreams that I keep circling back to as a reminder, because every single thing in my life that had that knowing eventually came true. So really, there is no real doubt in my mind that it will eventually be clear, make sense, and pan out as my knowing has informed me. My only confusion lies in the how and when, and really that is what the journey called life is all about. No need to take the fun out of the journey.

However, there have been those moments of energetic bumper cars that have caught me off guard or set me on brief doubt-tangents. I have so far been able to course correct on every single one, but occasionally it takes me a short bit to realize that is what happened, so I’m not instantaneously correcting yet. Here are some examples:

“Nathan needs to go, you’re mine.” Feels negative, because my inner being knows that Nathan is a very loved fixture in my life, the same as my children, and anyone wanting to be in my life will simply have to accept that. I don’t require a significant other to do anything specific with Nathan, just accept him as part of my family and interact with him as you would any other platonic family member. He is an adult, so basic respect and adult conversation would be necessary, but otherwise go as deep or as superficial as you care to. There is also an element of needing to acknowledge my desire for polyamory. I have been honest about that from the start, and I care about these people, and I know they care about me. So, since we all care and I have been completely honest about my needs, there is no need for anyone to be rejected or eliminated. My paradigm of conscious choice does not need adjusted because someone chose to look outside of an enforced paradigm and found me. If you found what you were seeking, then obviously I am perfectly fine just the way I am.

“You’re focused on the wrong things.” (I actually got that message through a song notification, directly following another called “I’ve been watching you”- a bit creepy especially since I’ve wondered if one of the 3 has someone digitally stalking me or manipulating/hacking my device.) Both concepts feel negative because for one the stalking/hacking thing is a huge red flag for a perp., and for two it seems like someone judging my thoughts, processes, and emotions based on their external input. Assuming that God is just trying to convey their mental space to me and no actual stalking/hacking is happening, I can then just look at the judgments. I may be focusing on the wrong things for them, but I know my predominant emotions these days and know my train is headed towards good mostly. I am gradually building forward momentum on the higher vibration end of the train. I know what I want- ALL the layers, and somehow I know that these 3 people are God’s choice for best fit for things I desire. I look forward to seeing that pan out and for my existing family to blend with them. When I think of the elements I do know for certain I generally feel really good. Even when I think of things I would like in less certain contexts I also feel good. I have gotten really good at stopping negative tangents in relation to these 3 people. I generally feel good about all 3 and the few things I have been hurt over are not life ending, and could readily be corrected with truth and apologies. So feeling negative from being told I’m focused improperly is a really good validation that I am indeed focused properly and thinking about positive things for me personally.

So, yes generally I am looking forward to seeing this part of my journey out, and the bumper car negative thoughts are being handled more and more readily. I am finding more consistent positive thought, and I look forward to my people manifesting positively. I know they are capable of accepting Nathan and I know that they will find their way through their half of this mutual journey just fine.

A couple of examples from current events- I’ll do my best to be more brief:

Fear of Covid, getting sick, getting other sick, etc.- Fear feels bad. Fear is the opposite of what your spirit thinks. Your spirit is not afraid of catching this virus. Your spirit knows you have the ability to heal if you allow it. Your spirit also knows that if you fail in the allowing, that death is merely a new beginning, and though anyone you left behind would be sad, it is not your journey to be consumed by their grief. Either way, it is okay. Additionally, you can not create in another’s experience. If you coughed the virus on 10 people, all 10 could have completely different responses. You spread the virus equally, but their consciousness and their vibrational level was what determined whether they got sick or to what degree. This applies to every aspect of life and your inner being knows it. I wear a mask these days only to soothe people that don’t know this information. I’m not afraid, they really don’t need to be afraid, but I don’t need to make their already fear based mindset worse by challenging them when they are battling an uphill thought battle to begin with. It is easier for me to wear the mask and do my best to soothe their minds and help them find better more productive thoughts. That is being a lightworker.

“Trump is a light-worker/good for humanity” I even got told that someone referred to Trump as a Demigod. I’m sorry, there are many things that Trump is, but none of these apply. Beyond the ludicrosity of calling him a Demi-God, I feel I must ferret out the rest. They feel bad to me because my spirit knows that these statements are just OFF. Here’s the deal, a light-worker is here to not just help themselves, they are here to help humanity progress in massively positive ways. Trump is only out to get what he wants at all costs. He is not doing anything that actively helps humanity. The closest thing to helping humanity is that he IS helping us to see what needs fixed, so like my father he is serving as a valuable bad example. He is teaching us what not to do for certain. In that way he is helping humanity, but there are so many alternatives to his actions that he is most definitely not demonstrating the best choices. Light-workers are supposed to aim at the best choices possible to help the most people. So Trump is failing on both fronts. The only thing that Trump is good at is using the Law of Attraction. He is spectacular at getting what he wants no matter what is going on around him. Because of that I hope he has a massive cardiac event and saves humanity the trouble of trying to over-ride his really really bad decisions while he is still alive. He is a colossal bad example which gives true light-workers a direction to aim. We can use his skills with Law of Attraction, but aim for polar opposite results and actually better the world and improve things for humanity. Trump is merely a learning tool for light-workers to do their best, in the realm of even the negatives have value in clarity. Use the skill, but do this, not that. A powerful lesson is never equivalent to light-work or Demi-God.

In closing:

I had a thought after the Trump trigger-conversation that “the aliens must be fucking with us”. It was a sarcastic statement, but one that made me laugh. So, functioning under the assumption that vibrational alignment and emotion based discernment are a really thing, then the aliens must actually be fucking with us. However, from my perspective that isn’t really a bad thing. It means that if Trump does get completely out of control they will likely step in. In the meantime, it is probably in a effort to help the rest of us somewhat sane humans learn to control our brains for the betterment of humanity. I appreciate that thought immensely. If that really is the end goal, which because it feels so good probably is, then I am totally on board. I will gladly play along with the challenges to heal my brain and body and aim for a better human race. At this point I am no gold medal winner in positive thought correction, but I am getting better and better at it every day. I look forward to the day that I am so focused that I get really good shit really quickly, and unlike Trump my choices have always and will always be aimed at helping as many people as I can. I do wish to help humanity and will go out of my way to manifest things that help more than just myself. I’m off to a slow but steady start and I look forward to more positive momentum.

May you see your thought journey gaining positive momentum. May you reach for helping humanity while you help yourself. May you master overriding the bogus negative-thought bumper-cars. May you be doubt free and focused on positive outcomes. May you see ways to help humanity grow and progress in amazingly positive ways. May you have positive manifestations to validate your progress. May you see your ripple in the world. May you help soothe others’ fears. May you bring light to this dark world. May you see only the best in others and this world.

Siva Hir Su

My Polyamory

I have intentionally not written much on this topic because about a year ago I went and posted a bunch of links and good info from other sites. There are so many aspects to look at and perspectives to consider that it is all just too much for me to even attempt.

However, Nathan suggested that I write at least once on my experiences and opinions on the matter. So, I’m taking his advice.

First and foremost Polyamory is many loves, a plural relationship based in a foundation of love.

From the view of a successful balanced poly family, I’ve not had much luck, at least in maintaining such a plural commitment. However, I have had lots of fine tuning and reevaluating, which Abraham says is always a good thing. I’m going to agree.

Nathan and I used to be, what gets labeled “Unicorn Hunters” by more forceful poly opinions. We were ‘significant-others’ seeking a single bisexual female to balance my bisexuality. After several failed attempts to find our good fit, we relaxed into accepting that our perfect woman might come attached to another person. It might also happen that we find several people to meet both mine and Nathan’s needs and desires.

Our hesitation with accepting the concept of multiples, initially was brought on mainly by fearful thoughts of: how do you get multiple adults on the same page and keep them in agreement and in cooperation. Especially regarding children in the family, rules of behavior, setting expectations, and even logistics of cleaning and cooking. However, at this point in our marriage we have come to the conclusion that those are challenges any relationship faces regardless if there are 2 or 12 people. We also now have lots of experience dealing with each other and multiple attempts at significant-other additions. We’ve also come to conclusions that some things are easier if approached like companies handle staffing: creating schedules and assignments of tasks, which can always be adjusted and changed as needed.

So at this point we’re much more open to alternate options and arrangements for our family structure, and have a better grasp of the interpersonal needs that entails. Our main goal now is that a variety of needs and desires are met, and that all adults act like adults and remain considerate of the family as a whole when making significant decisions. If those decisions are likely to impact the family in a huge way (move, replace belongings, or decisions regarding educational or medical concerns) then the family should be consulted with a proposal before final decisions are made.

Informed consent is a mainstay of poly whether it’s in regards to sex, reproduction, or any familial life event. Furthermore, informed consent requires a certain level of communication skills. You may have a great idea, but if you can’t make your case well to those involved it’s likely to fall flat.

So those elements have become our biggest priorities.

Beyond that, previous relationships ended due to factors involving but not limited to: personality clashes, instability due to processing previous traumas, and a lack of commitment by one or multiple parties. So we have simplified our request to the Divine that: future partners have their own stuff figured out at least well enough to cause only more minor bumps, previous severe traumas have been healed likewise, and that all parties be willing to commit enough to work through remaining glitches. All relationships have bumps, bruises, and fights, but it’s the severity and willingness to work through them that enable the relationship to last. Everyone coming together to learn and grow and heal, leads to happy long lasting family.

Acceptance of our humanness, and unconditional love allows for infinite growth. To me that means that I might get mad or frustrated with someone, but as long as I can refocus and remember we’re all human and that I do love them, then I can work through the upset to find a solution. That is the place of understanding that I aim for everyone in my family to hold.

There are also factors like honesty, openness, truthfulness, cooperative attitudes, and open mindedness which would be very important.

Finally, I wish to add compromise. A mainstay of finding solutions is learning how to compromise. There is almost always an answer that everyone can live with. It may not be perfect in everyone’s opinion, but gets the job done. Finding those compromises is paramount to maintaining family cohesion, and adults wishing to be in my family need to demonstrate an ability to compromise.

In conclusion, my ideal of Polyamory has evolved over the last 15 years to be less about the fine details and more about overarching qualities that I wish for people to exhibit.

Not to be too cliche, but can’t we all just get along, and all you need is love, would be the more concise mentality.

May you all find your family based in love and acceptance, but which committedly works through compromise to ensure everyone just gets along.

With love, be well. Siva Hir Su.

Already on the bus.

So I’ve finished reading “The Energy Bus” and realize now that I’ve already gotten my bus going. It’s been a slow start, bumpy ride, with a few breakdowns already, but my bus is generally pointed the right direction and moving.

Really I’ve been driving my bus for a while, but just need more focus and helpful passengers

I have my committed passengers, in for the full ride- my family by marriage and by giving birth.

I have my semi-committed or part time riders, people in my daily and work life that are generally as helpful as they can be, but can’t necessarily stay for the whole ride. Sometimes they’re on and sometimes they’re busy on their own bus.

I have at least one passenger, maybe 2 or 3 that I’m hoping are like the character Michael. Where they removed themselves, but ultimately come around, and end up finding themselves wanting to make positive changes too, and join my bus again. That would be nice, not just for my bus, but for them- their state of being- and because it will validate messages I got what seems like forever ago. May we all master only feeding the good dog.

So far I’ve already ejected a few of what was termed “Energy Vampires” from my bus, and there’s one big one that needs to go yet. Fortunately, those from my biological family have mostly removed themselves from my life, so that’s one less hurdle.

With all that being said, this book leaves me acknowledging I have steps to go yet.

I have used this blog to write about Atira many times, but it’s scattered through multiple posts and partial posts, and I’m not sure I’ve ever reinforced the entirety of the complexity of that to those on board my bus, even if part time. I think it would help to get more concise with my desires, vision, and focus so that there is one document I can reference. Maybe even to give them copies.

I still have a ways to go to ensure I’m only feeding the good dog, and fueling my bus with positive energy. I have the basic idea, but have some practicing to do to maintain it, because I do let fear and stress get the better of me frequently.

Also, I totally spend too much time worrying about people that don’t get on my bus. I will get better at acknowledging maybe it’s too soon for them or they have other reasons for not joining my route. It’s not personal to me, it’s personal for them and their journey.

Additionally, I still have a ways to go on demonstrating my own enthusiasm and love. I already do both, but often allow myself to be easily deflated, especially when my efforts go unnoticed, unacknowledged, or unresponded to. Then once I’ve been deflated, I definitely still struggle to get back up and give another go.

I also need to find my purpose in everything better. It’s easy for me when what I’m doing is part of my vision for Atira, but much much harder when my task-at-hand is seemingly unrelated. That is evidence of not fully knowing that “everything happens for a reason”. I must trust more and find how everything relates. How does what I’m doing fit with my journey and fuel my bus.

Lastly, a huge must: start having more fun and enjoying the ride more. It’s not that I don’t at all, but I really succumb to stress easily. I’m latching onto the books’ phrase “you can’t feel stressed when you feel blessed”. That is my biggest new goal. To be “too blessed to be stressed”.

With that I wanted to share the list of rules the book went over:

And finally, I wanted to share an Abraham Lincoln quote (below) from the book that really resonated with me. My life journey fine-tuned to that direction after the online stranger woke my dreams up in me. I realized I may fail, I may never actually get there, but giving up all together- ignoring who I’ve become- is far worse than failing. I must remain true to who I am and where I’d like to go, if I’m to ever find consistent happiness and have any chance at all of possibly making it there. I want my light to shine bright from here until my dieing days.

Again, thank you for hanging in with me and joining at least the written part of my ride. I sincerely hope you benefit from my words in one way or another.

Getting Somewhere… I think.

I needed help, I sent prayer requests to everyone I knew- regardless of religious preference, with the basics of what was going on. Even though I choose to reference myself as a Pagan, and view god in several different manifestational aspects, I see everyone’s connection with God as vital and helpful, so I ask anyone that is spiritual in any way, for support when I need it.

The church at work has come through with some help in a variety of ways, I am so grateful. I am really seeing how churches are really like companies, they bring people together for a common purpose and get the job done. Their purpose is just the spiritual side of things, and solidifies my belief in goals for Atira. I look forward to one day finding my pastor for the Temple of Atira at the heart of Atira community.

So, I needed a home, good enough for now. We’ve found just that. My husband stumbled onto a house in an OK neighborhood, not the best, but not the worst either. When he called, the landlord had 2 houses and one other person interested. We looked at both and put in our request, and I let God decide which was better for us right now- knowing they were essentially the same house, neighborhood, and cost. When the landlord called back, we got the one with the basement that is about mile closer to work, but no central air.

The house was a $100.00 per month over our goal. I had already expressed the need for a significant raise to my manager when they were contemplating hiring me back full time. So I told God I’ll definitely need that raise and then some if I’m going to start chipping away at getting ahead of my ball of mess.

The very day that my husband secured our new home with a deposit, my manager called me in. The offer: Tuesday through Saturday 8 hour days, $16/hr to start since I’ve jumped in and helped out so well. Once they figure out who is landing in what roles permanently, I’ll be bumped to $17/hr, and when I complete their online training program that will earn another $1/hr. So the faster I complete that, the better. IF I can get my A1C down from pregnancy/allergies and reinstate my medical card on my CDL I’ll get another bump (though that was more vague).

Regardless for now, I will have to continue to do massage. I’m giving the care-giving job nearly 3 weeks notice, and that will give me time to adjust my massage schedule. All will have to be set by October 28th, as that is the start of the first week full time for the offered position. I’m moving 2 of my buildings and as many individuals as possible to Sundays. My Mondays will stay the same fully booked at 2 of my long standing facilities. I will officially be working 7 day weeks, every week, but my days will be shorter with a 15-20 min commute and Sundays being most likely half days. I’ll actually get to see my children a little more than right now. So that’s a bonus.

As part of my new role I’m jumping into a book that the company started a couple of months ago, and each week they covered a couple of chapters during the weekly meetings. Since they’re already on chapter 24, I am cramming the reading of the book into one weekend to get caught up, so that I can present the next pair of chapters on Tuesday.

It’s called “The Energy Bus” by Jon Gordon, and so far I’m just hitting the chapters where the 10 rules for life are being started. The chapter I’m on (7), ends with a writing exercise, so I thought it apropos to write my answers down here.

  1. My vision for my life (including health) is:
    • I want to heal both my brain and my body. I see myself at a healthy weight (150-160 lbs) that is easy to maintain, almost effortless. I see myself having healed my digestive system so that it rarely reacts to small things and a place where only bigger intrusions become noticeable. I see myself being able to tell others that I have healed my brain enough that depression rarely rears its head, and I am generally in a good, happy place in life. I see myself in a place where I love myself every day, all day, and finally put a stop to self-degrading and self-limiting beliefs and language. I want to own my health fully and completely and know that I can sometimes have things without it hurting me physically or mentally. That I have built a fortress of good health.
  2. My vision for my work, career, job, and team is:
    • Ultimately, I see owning my own community: Atira, but not just for elderly. I see having Atira help adults of all walks of life and thus help many, many families. You can’t please everyone, but you can build a community that attracts only those that it desires to please, and that is my end goal.
    • I can see how my current work is giving me an eye into the vast complexity of what an organization like that means. I am getting a first hand glimpse into what it takes to run such a vast community, especially staffing needs and logistical breakdowns, and I can see that I have quite a ways to go before I solidly know how manage something so complex. I am grateful for this opportunity and it’s guidance, and I know that in time I will have the knowledge that I need to go and Start Atira.
    • I see that though it is a process to learn all of the things needed to build my community, I am the only one that controls the flow. I am the speed of the river, so I am the only one that can dictate how long it will take me to learn all of the things I need to know to accomplish building Atira. I state here that I wish to keep things moving: as soon as I master one step, I wish to be in a stable footing to take the next step comfortably. I know that the step I’m on is entertainment coordinator, and I am comfortable with some of the elements, but still working on logistical juggling and paperwork aspects. It will come quickly. I will find my groove. When I do and I can demonstrate maintaining the flow for a few months, I look forward to the next step: managing a team of people that do the leg work for an organization.
    • I know that I will need some minimal additional training to make that next step in someone else’s organization, so I ask that the universe provide the opportunity at little to no cost to me and in a manner that I can easily fit it into my work schedule and life. I foresee this training being more easily accommodated after the first of the year, and after I have nearly mastered my current role.
    • Once I master my current role, and gain the additional training I see that the logical next step is to find a new position with that added training. I know that taking steps forward like that can seem daunting, but it is an important learning experience and I acknowledge that I have done it many times before and will be able to do it again and again until I have mastered each level along the way to running a full community. It will come in time, and I just need to remind myself of that occasionally so that I remain patient with myself and with the process.
      • Here I want to be clear, all these steps are to further my end goal of Owning Atira Community, even if it takes decades. I don’t merely wish to learn how to climb the corporate ladder and work my way up another person’s company. I see other companies, careers, and jobs (even my massage work) as real life training to reach my life purpose, and work toward my life goal. I trust that the divine will put people in my life that can help me accomplish that, with the understanding that at some point I may have a job just like they hold now, maybe with the same company, maybe a different company. The company is of less concern to me, the goal of learning what I need to learn and making the money I need to make are of more importance.
      • That which betters me, and helps me help my family and others, is of utmost importance. I want to be the best I can be for my ultimate goal of having a self-sustaining charitable-community/company to better this world in the name of the Divine.
    • I know God supports my end desire, and so he supports my steps to getting there, Everything will come in proper timing and easily for me to acknowledge and carry out. The divine, the universe will provide if I trust.
  3. My vision for my relationship and family is:
    • I love my husband, and want to do better at showing it. He deserves that, because he has given everything he could to me. He has given me the best of himself repeatedly over the last 14 years, and literally saved my life more times than I can count. The challenges I see him face, I know well and I wish more than anything that we both could feel adequate in our familial roles.
    • I still want family- bigger and more supportive than just my husband is able to accomplish. I think it would go a long ways to helping us both feel more adequate, enabling us to relax into knowing there are more hands and more dollars to spare. I know that the people we have attempted that with had similar wishes and desires, but for many reasons not needing stated here, it just didn’t work.
      • I look forward to finding the people that do fit our needs, mesh with us optimally, and have the same desires, and hold the same level of flexibility and forgiveness for general lapses on anyone’s part. We’re all in this game called life, learning how to get through, and mistakes will get made, none of them are the end of the world, but that has to be acknowledged on all sides. The ball can and will get dropped, but someone has to be willing to pick up the pieces and help to put them back together. That is family. Sticking together and helping each other pull up even in adversity, knowing that acting in the good of the family will eventually pay off in furthering the success of the family- be it more love, happiness, success, or prosperity.
        • Sometimes being selfish means finding a way to align your needs with a greater cause. (Kill two birds with one stone, so to speak). I’d love to have a family full of people that can do that.
    • I want to spend more time with my children and have days off, while still making more than enough.
      • As I’ve said several times I would go nuts if I just stayed home with kids, that is my version of aligning selfishness with working for the greater good. Right now that means working 7 days a week and having every evening to be with kids. However, I would love to get to a point in my wage earnings that I could comfortably work 4- 10 hour days and have part or all of the other 3 for kids, I think that is my happy medium-nearly ideal. Because, right now I work 6-10 hour days with a 7th shorter one, and I still count my blessings for the evenings I spend with them, but do get down for wishing I had more time with them. I also tend to have a shorter fuse when I work too many hours, so 4 long days is more manageable than 6 long days.
      • Ultimately that means higher dollar per hour wages and having to let go of something somewhere. God/the universe will help me straighten that one out in time.
    • More cuddle time, and more fun time. This links back to both bettering my relationship with Nathan, and with the kids, and with finding family. It’s hard to do if there’s no time left to do it. My time equation is out of balance at the moment, but when alignment is found, my time equation will balance with time for fun family activities and time for cuddling everyone. I look forward to that.
    • I want my kids to look back on their childhood and remember the good things and fun times, and realize that I overcame challenges and adversity to help our family have better.
    • I want them to know I ended up being a positive influence in their lives.

And with that I have completed chapter 7 of “The Energy Bus” 17 more chapters to catch up by Tuesday…. if there are more exercises to write down, you’ll get another post from me. Thank you for being patient with me when I’m down, and thank you for reading my blog. I really appreciate the support knowing that there are people out there that find my words at least interesting enough to check in occasionally, and the occasional comment lets me know that my process is helping others at times. For that I am utterly grateful.