Ian was at it again this evening. I suspect God aka Shiva was helping us through him again.
I had sat my children at the dinner table with blank paper and Crayola markers to fill time until dinner.
Grandpa was in my office, now his room, working on catching up his bills and paperwork. Not a huge deal, but at least a week overdue.
Ian drew a picture of a heart with lines on it. Then he proceeded to start telling me they were grandpa’s heart beats and that they weren’t good. Ian said: I wouldn’t want those heart beats. One sounds like a bad drum and the other sounds like a train noise.
My spidy senses responded immediately and I grabbed my phone and took a picture.
Later I noticed another drawing he had done in the same vane.
I immediately texted my one brother that works in medicine and has done quite a bit with geriatrics. I also knew my son’s psychic talents wouldn’t freak him out too much. This was our conversation:
I am not surprised that my son got accurate information. However, I am surprised that it was about grandpa’s heart problems.
It also now leaves me with homework to attempt to get the doctor to aim for a solution, even though I am certain my dad doesn’t care or want to do anything else. I am definitely walking a very fine line trying to honor my father, but also honor God passing us information. On one hand God could just be warning us about an incoming heart attack so it isn’t a shock. On the other it could be intended to help prevent or solve, and that is where I am currently responsible for doing my best to ensure measures are at least attempted.
You can lead a horse to water but you can’t make them drink.
My father is that horse, already having turned away food, failing to drink water even when coaxed, only drinking soda or crystal light, and making mostly horrible food choices. Then he backs everything up with things he’s read, from who knows how many years ago and with no evidence of accuracy. It’s a mess I am doing my best to handle with compassion.
I’m finding that the patience I have with other people’s grand parents is strangely absent with my father. Perhaps it is the emotional tug of war I’ve played with him my entire life, perhaps it is all the mental damage he caused as a child finally backfiring, and perhaps it is just my exasperation over being the only child that could actually handle dad in the present moment. Regardless, I find that most of my interactions seem to be through gritted teeth and I find situations easier to handle when I just smile and nod and glaze over his repeat loops of conversation.
Then I step away, find a moment of quiet, take some herbs if needed, and meditate my way back to better emotional and vibrational alignment. It’s a repetitive cycle, but one that is getting me through.
I did manage two days of my seaweed fast. Today was not completely successful on that front, but what I did eat was minimal and very healthy. I will attempt more fasting this week. I am carrying 80 pounds of fat and extra skin beyond the ideal body weight for my height and gender. I suspect that at least a month of fasting would be needed to drop that weight. That is based off of Ghandi’s long fast, and the fact that I am consuming some calories with the seaweed and drinks. Ghandi did strict fasts of only tea or water, and his longest was 21 days but he started much closer to my ideal weight than I am, and he ended the fast as just skin and bones. I also know I am not that adept at fasting. I have done a 60 day juice fast, but this is the first time my caloric intake is this low, so I am not certain I will be able to maintain it for an extended period. My goal is simply to break the momentum hump of loosing the weight and get the momentum rolling in my favor. So I’m aiming for 30 days or as long as I can muster. Once I concede needing to resume eating, I will go back to my diet of the last 7 months: mostly salads and clean veggies.
My hardest challenge right now is keeping up with my own needs while still trying to meet all of my previous commitments and adding in my dad. It’s definitely a lot, and I am having to practice the new balancing act to attempt to make everything fit correctly. It will get there, and I suspect as soon as I seem to master the new set everything will change again. That’s how it has been going for the last couple of years and as I’ve said before, I will continue to do my best to keep up and learn whatever is needed of me.
May you see God’s guidance. May you understand messages that make their way into your experience. My you find your balance and have patience with yourself and others. May you always find a way to meet your needs first. May you have understanding and compassion even when you disagree with someone’s choices. May you know you are doing your best to honor yourself and God. May you know you are loved and supported.
Siva Hir Su