Tag Archives: pulling up

Improvement?

I was able to leave work a couple of hours early today. I knew I must take the opportunity to slide in an extra workout. I texted my husband and he decided to go with me.

I changed into my old workout outfit. It’s probably almost a decade old, and the shirt has had paint on it for longer than my 6 year old has been alive. The pants gained a bleached area after moving into our previous home about 2 years ago.

Nathan picked the treadmill, and I chose to do a combo of elliptical and rowing machine. We both did a full 45 min workout, and I did my best to maximize mine (HR, speed, resistance, etc.).

I started with the elliptical set on a big incline to maximize focus on quads and glutes. My quads have been weak and my glutes have been chronically tight; sometimes that’s a sign of weakness, but it’s also potentially just because of the nature of how I stand while working.

Either way, I wanted this workout to help in as many ways as possible. So, I picked my machines based on muscles I wanted to work, and the duration for helping my brain function.

10 min into the elliptical my clothes were bothersome. They are now so baggy that they catch on things. While still in motion I tied a knot in my shirt hem, and pulled my pants up higher and cinched in the drawstring more. I then had to pull my sleeves up as high as possible to get them to stay put.

When I got home I realized they were 18/20W or a 2XL. When I originally bought them I was not quite at my largest and they were comfortably loose. I do remember when I hit my largest they were no longer quite so comfortable and that was one of many signals to acknowledge I needed to fix things. That was over 7 years ago.

Now, I know I wore a fitted size Large scrub top last week that wasn’t quite so tight anymore. I wouldn’t call it spacious or comfy, but it’s not restrictive like it was when I bought it in the frame of mind of being hopeful.

So I’m down from an 18/20W plus size to a solid 14/16 regular, and still shrinking, not quite to a size 12 yet.

This is quite possibly the slowest process I’ve ever noticed, but it is progress. The bathroom scale is still useless registering 217-220 depending on the day, but I’m definitely slowly inching smaller.

I still get frustrated over my tummy because it shows bloating so readily, but I’m definitely smaller. When I stand with proper posture and I’m not bloated, my tummy is smaller than my breasts, the last times that happened was directly after giving birth to my children. It makes me feel good.

This all helps me feel better. The exercise itself, the results, being smaller, feeling better physically, it all helps my mood. This on top of all of my regimen is a big helper, but I’m still inching up.

It’s not taking me weeks or months anymore, but it’s still taking me multiple days to climb out of mental health pits. It is improvement, but I look forward to hours instead. Nay, I look forward to never falling to begin with.

I’m not sure I’m ready to contemplate what that puzzle looks like yet. I’ll get this one down better first.

Anyway, I wanted to share my efforts and the noticable measures of improvement. I will keep plugging away and eventually I will be back up again.

May you have moments of appreciation and validation of your efforts at improvement. May your brain always cooperate with you. May you have stable mental health and a healthy body inside and out. May you know you are doing better and find ways to love yourself for it. May you know you’re loved and supported.

Om Shanti

So I lied… The truth.

There’s always an upswing for me now, and the refractory period has shortened significantly, in fact this one kinda surprised me. When that happens, I find my desire to write again. I move from writing to clear thoughts, to brief decompression, to loving to write for progress and forward momentum.

The truth is:

  • I want to desire only that which is good for me.
  • I want to love myself first.
  • I will always cycle around to putting my self first, even if it takes some time.
  • I am seeing where other’s stupidity slows me down. I may give of myself easily and love others completely, but I’m seeing how I keep letting myself get hurt because of that. Enough is enough, if they don’t reciprocate I’ll love them from afar and they can come grovel when they find their senses.
  • I am seeing where no one will ever value me as much as I value myself, especially in business.
  • I am learning that if I really value myself, I must put my goals, hopes and dreams first, and focus enough that I remind myself that some of my desires are not good for me.
  • I care about doing things I love and rewarding myself appropriately… Mmm maybe that is in the form of a good distraction, maybe one of the people I met at Sunday’s coffee hour can help with that.
  • I care about examining the myriad of ways something could fall on the spectrum of good or bad for me and taking action only after determining that it’s mostly good.

The message of today was VB. I saw it everywhere, and autocorrect even started putting it in my written text. I had Nathan look it up since I was working 2 different buildings. He came up with a stock option and visual basic.

I already am working with stocks as much as my budget allows which isn’t much, so the stock purchase will have to wait.

I’m not a computer programmer, and work far outside of IT, so I’m not certain I’ll jump into learning visual basic, but I did extrapolate that message into needing to take the next steps in developing the visual imagery of my program: Atira.

For me that translates into a few things.

  • Finish the floor plans for the dome.
  • Redo/update the map I made of Atira 12 years ago.
  • Start creating the images for my CEU courses, and obviously write the courses.
  • Start revamping my ages old marketing materials for Atira CEUs and other workshops, especially now that we’re close to having a functional space large enough for Reiki courses and workshops. (Being a graphic designer in addition to massage therapist definitely has its perks, I know how to design my own marketing materials and get them printed at the lowest costs!)
  • Begin handing out cards again and let my buildings know I’m almost ready to accept more contact work again. (Need to finish getting settled first.)

I am fortunate enough to be in a place where my integrity and reliability proceed me. My word of mouth reputation is invaluable in this city. I’m also very fortunate to be in a current contract set-up that is flexible enough to enable me to adjust schedules as needed. As each new contract appears I’ll slide them in where convient, and it’ll just reduce availability at the clinic I contract with, a minor inconvenience. Right now that’s no problem as I have plenty of days with ample downtime, so there’s plenty of time to spare. Depending on my alignment to the flow that could change slowly or quickly. If slowly they’ll have ample time to adjust with me. If quickly, I’ll just find a replacement for myself, though I guarantee a replacement won’t be as good. All the good therapists in this city are like me and happily self-employed, most working from home.

It’s not my intention, as like the activities job, I tend to give far more notice and assistance than they earn. So, I fully expect they’ll have plenty of time to adjust and make their own choices.

It seems God has me on a fast track. I’m okay with that and doing my level best to keep up.

“I’m ready, to be ready, to be ready.” – Abraham Hicks

May you find your realignment quickly. May you find yourself ready, to be ready, to be ready. May you see opportunities where once were hurts. May you see your fast track and keep up with it. May you find the way to your goals and dreams. May you have all the energy, knowing, and confidence to allow yourself your own success.

Many blessings, and be well. We’re all in this thing called life together, and even in moments of doubt I know God is rooting for us to ‘fight the good fight’ and pull through.

Siva Hir Su