So I was contemplating my preferences after my recent acknowledgements, and in the process came to an understanding as to why I prefer “chick flicks”.
I was literally attempting to put words to my quandary of why do men do the machismo thing more than in the past, or so it seems to me.
I had thought about how at one point men in media were shown as dashing, handsome, wholesome, and multi-talented. I thought of moments like are found in a myriad of movies, but especially I thought of scenes from Gene Kelly and Fred Astaire movies, I thought of Casa Blanca. Actors from that era were expected to be good looking, but also excellent dancers and singers, they had to be strong, and often were required to speak multiple languages.
I’m fully aware that even though that was the standard in media, our society still had the full array of everything you still find today. Yet, there was an understanding in society that those were qualities that earned respect and showed your integrity. Those were the virtues that even regular working class people strived for, that even the average Joe reached for.
I then thought about movies today. There’s a whole lot more blood and gore. There are strong men, but every time you see a strong man- a superhero, someone dies, and often many people loose their lives in such movies. Going back a bit there are those Rambo type war stories, there are zombie apocalypse movies, and straight up superheroes like spider man. In all of these movies their strength is for one goal, take down the bad guys at all costs. I would agree that usually what’s chosen to define the bad guys is clear and agreed upon by societal standards, yet each and every movie includes the loss of innocent lives.
I realised that even though I acknowledged that those are all present in our world today, I prefer not to watch it for entertainment.
I prefer to see strength demonstrated in other ways, and I suspect I’m not alone. It’s why feats of herculean strength are now demonstrated in games: Olympics, Ninja Warrior, Highland Games, and the like. The games eliminate the blood and gore while still demonstrating strength and agility. I appreciate that, it’s a much more civilized and palatable way to experience that virtue.
That then brought me around to Hallmark movies and why I love them so much. They are wholesome, the people are genuine, there is kindness and love. Yet you still are treated with complex stories that could happen to regular everyday people. It takes the complexity of this world, but focuses on happier more joyous aspects and outcomes.
Though I mostly prefer heartwarming stories like those, I will watch other movies. I still prefer movies where the people demonstrate intelligence and strength without so much blood and gore. I also greatly like fantastical movies like Harry Potter and the less gory science-fiction like Star Trek/Star Wars.
I suppose that is why I like Will Smith so much. Beyond also being polyamorous, he’s good looking, charming, charismatic, and many of his movies he’s able to accomplish great things with a minimum of blood and gore. I really truly appreciate that.
I told Nathan it’s one of the things I appreciate most about him. Even though he doesn’t look like a hallmark actor or Will Smith, he embodies many of the qualities that they do, and he’s cute to me, and that’s what counts.
So then I sat to define what I appreciate most about others, and admitted that looks are a relatively small factor. As far as looks go, I appreciate this:
Really what I’m trying to show is that I find appreciation in a wide variety of people and body types. I have discovered that only the severely unhealthy people are unattractive to me. Those people that have given up on their health, or just didn’t care to begin with. I’ve known several of those people and just can’t even contemplate a relationship with any of them. I’m sorry, but Yuck!
What is it I do appreciate about people that makes me desire them then?
- Intelligence (As Queen Latifa would say I get lady wood there.)
- A belief in something greater than us.
- The ability to learn and discuss complex topics (quantum physics is one I find particularly fascinating, even if I have trouble keeping up with it).
- The desire to keep learning.
- Strength of physical, mental, and emotional aspects.
- A desire to do better, striving for more, self improvement goals.
- Striving for equality and social justice is pretty high on my list.
- A desire to help make the world a better place.
Yet there’s more….
- I like a good challenge, someone that makes me think or improve myself even more.
- I like encouragement when I’m admittedly not at my best, you don’t always have to challenge me.
- I like knowing I’m appreciated.
- I like knowing they notice small things about me.
- I like when they take criticisms or input as a challenge for improving themselves as well, and likewise do my best not to stir that pot too often.
- I like people that work well together, especially since ultimately I hope to build Atira through my chosen family. It would be in our best interests to be able to work and play together and not get sick of each other.
- So an ability to compromise, problem solve, and find a balance in challenging situations is very exciting to me.
- I find good communication skills quite sexy too. If you can tell me work flow concerns in one breath and follow that with coherent sentimental thoughts in your next breath, I might faint on you.
- I love when people can make and keep priorities. For instance I know I need a certain diet, certain amounts of sleep and exercise, and certain balance between work and recreation. Most of the time I’m able to maintain that, occasionally I fail. I prefer those around me accomplish the same.
Though I feel like there are many more qualities I could define, those are usually ones that I look for evidence of first. At that point then I’m usually familiar with a person enough that it becomes about analyzing their interactions or their behaviors, and their words. I start looking for alignment between the two. That represents integrity and honesty to me. If I get to know someone and one of those starts to show gaps, it almost always becomes the undoing of the relationship. I’ve been hurt enough times that I simply loathe intentional mistruths and/or manipulations. For a long term relationship, I simply must have honesty and integrity.
And that brings me full circle back to Hallmark movies. They are chalk full of honesty and integrity and showing how if you’re not honest what damage it can do. So I’ll end with a thank you to Hallmark. Thank you for wholesome movies that show the importance of honesty, integrity, and kindness.
May you all have your defining moments of greater clarity. May you all find an abundance of honest people in your lives, and may you experience many examples of integrity. Above all may you find the love you seek.
Siva Hir Su