Tag Archives: reaching for better

New Year: She-Ra & Snow Dog

Happy New Year’s again everyone. I’m doing my best to bring in the new year in the best way ever.

I started the day with a marathon of self-care and She-Ra.

So this linked site expounds on thoughts I’ve had today: “8 Reasons ’80s She-Ra Was a Feminist Badass and …” …I’m tempted to buy the action figures, though maybe for my birthday, give myself time to catch up from the current round of holidays.

I woke feeling stiff and my kids wanted attention. I had bookmarked the 2018 She-Ra on netflix ages ago but hadn’t been able to watch it. So, I set my shiatsu mat to rolling, turned on my ultrasound/infrared handheld, and hit play on episode one.

I was enthralled and everything was close enough to my memories of the show of my childhood, that everything came flooding back. I told Nathan “Apparently I have She-Ra programming in me too!”

I’m strong, I want to fight for justice, I zap people with my special powers (Reiki), I have to focus really hard to use my powers for good, I’m figuring things out as I go, and want to bring balance and set things right again. Now if I can just get my body to look like that, I’m set. It’s getting there. Hey maybe in another couple of years I’ll accomplish it.

I told Nathan though, my hair doesn’t do what hers does, and wouldn’t unless there was an “UP fan” blowing on me constantly. I explained my hair is so thin and has absolutely no body, so even when I’ve coated it in enough hairspray to be crunchy it still droops and ends up flat. I can’t even hold curls without a perm and for me perms wear off in half the time of other people.

Regardless, I’m definitely seeing some similarities to my life though, at least if you’re talking in broad quality descriptions. It also stirred a desire to not only finish the new reboot, but also to revisit the show of my youth.

Anyway, our marathon was 3 or 4 episodes before my kids got antsy to play in the falling snow. So we stopped the Roku and got bundled up in layers. It’s the first real snowfall Kansas City has had this winter and I wanted to make sure we could enjoy it for a long while.

Outside: I pulled kids around in the sled, I sent the two littles sliding down our little hill, we had snowball fights, I made a Snow-Angel, Anya built a small snowman, and I made a Snow-Dog. It was a ton of fun. (Pics below) the snow dog is not as impressive as the girl with cat and teddy bear I did a decade ago in KC, KS, see those here in my 3D artwork gallery.

Once we came back in, I built a fire in the fireplace, Nathan made hot cocoa, kids were sent to play in their room and I’m taking my Epsom Salt bath. So far it’s a splendid day.

May your new year start equally splendidly. May you have good times and understand where some of your programming came from. May all of your programming be helpful once you understand it more fully. May you help save the world. And finally may you know your are loved, God supports you, and your kids have the best chance of any generation to help make things right in our world.

Om Shanti

Love Prevails

My baby burned herself last night. She wanted my tea, but it had some caffeine. Even though it was minimal caffeine, I said no because it was just before her bedtime. She decided to go help herself to what her dad had set to steep for himself. I was 30 seconds too slow to realize she had sneaked away and it was too quiet. I called for her and immediately heard a scream. I lept up just as she came running back to me soaked in hot liquid. Her front was burned fairly badly, several blisters popped as I took the wet shirt off of her. I instantly went into first-aid mode, but doing my best to be loving momma at the same time. I coated her in a very thick layer of aloe and applied lavender soaked gauze pads.

This morning it was significantly better, but the worst areas were still blistered and dark. So before my short shift I reapplied another thick layer of aloe and lavender soaked gauze. She knew I was trying to fix it for her.

I know she will be okay and heal just fine. I also know she learned her lesson and will likely never do that again. I also know that she knows I love her, because not only did I try to protect her, I also helped when her choice hurt her badly.

For some reason it has made me think about this holiday season. I am determined to let love prevail and I am wishing that for everyone.

Right now we are in the midst of a collective situation that can be compared to the story of when baby Jesus’ life was threatened by troops searching for all the male babies to be killed. One person in power, afraid of his power being stripped, sent destruction out on everyone.

Powers that be desperately want us to stay afraid and sequestered. They want us to hide in our homes and loose ourselves. Sadly, part of this situation is fueled by a desire to make money off of our fears (pharma with vaccines). The other part is fueled by those already in a state of fear and compounded by fears of being sued, knowing that even if insurance is present, it often fails to do it’s job.  If you follow the trails far enough, both could likely be traced back to a handful of 1%’ers, and would definitely encourage fears of conspiracy against the masses. One could definitely assume that THEY created the virus to get at us.

But one could also assume it was an opportunity of convenience. An unknown new thing which used properly scared the daylights out of everyone, and caused a chain reaction of organizations and entities afraid of litigation.

In order to break the cycle of fear, we must simply BE ourselves. And this holiday season let us be like Mary and Joseph in that story. Cling to that which you have, and that which you know and love, and ignore the fear of others. Listen to your inner being and follow God’s cues, and let love be your guiding light.

For me I am grateful I know how to BE myself.

I am grateful for my clients and their gifts and kindness.

I am grateful that I understand that this disease is statistically no worse than the flu and comparable in risk to vaccines themselves.

I am immensely grateful that I have access to (mostly), and knowledge of, many things that help get over viral infections and any resulting damage to my body. I’m eternally grateful that God fills in where my knowledge and tools fail, providing an infinite supply of healing energy.

I am grateful that instead of making money off of other’s fears, I am earning my way helping my clients find their way back to their inner being.

I am able to support my family because I help people relax back into their inner-selves and find healing space.

I am grateful that I can find my way back to my inner-being , even when the darkness threatens to drown me.

I am grateful that my inner being helps me do good work.

I am grateful that I have clients that are generally as kind and generous as I aim to be.

I am grateful that I have a safe home and a loving family.

I am honored to be able to help people find healing, whether it is my own child, or clients on my table.

I am appreciative that I understand I don’t have to live in fear just because others are doing their best to convince me to do so. I don’t have to live in fear just because others are.

I am very happy that I understand my inner being view is far more important than what anyone else is doing or thinking.

I am so appreciative that God loves me and that I love God back. So many people forget to give God love, and I am happy to do so. Every time my brain looses it’s way, I work hard to get back on track just so I can have my connection back and give God some love again.

I’m grateful that even though I won’t be visiting long distance family, I will still be able to spend my holidays with time off and have warm loving holiday celebrations with my family.

I’m grateful for the abundance that enabled gifts for my children and good healthy food on our table.

I grateful that I was able to extend offers for friends to join our holiday celebration. Whether or not they actually join us, I am appreciative that I am capable of having them visit with us.

I am reaching for many things this holiday. I’m teaching for: a loving home, a prosperous business, a healthy body, and living in a world where love triumphs over fears.

Join me in shifting our world perspective to brighter days. Join me in focusing on the positives and letting the love flow. Demolish the fears and darkness. Rebuild with the light of a loving God.

May we all find a way to kill darkness and give birth to a loving new world. May we all find peace and joy these holidays to begin a new year in a much better place. May we all find our inner-being and higher-self view of this day and every day moving forward. May you know that God loves you and just wants loved back. May you know that God can heal us all if we allow for it. May we all find brighter, better, more joyful, more prosperous, more healing days ahead of us.

Destroy the negatives- Siva Hir Su

Rebuild the world in love and light- Dai Ko Mio, Om Mani Padme Hum.


Find peace, love and joy. – Om Shanti

Om Namo Maha Deva; Praise God, Amen

Abraham reminder.

Watch another Abraham video. It’s titled: “Abraham Hicks NO ADS – How to Auto motivate When You Feel Lazy”. I can’t guarantee it’ll stay up long, sometimes links I post disappear pretty quick.

Anyway, it was a reminder that I am efforting a little too much. I kind of knew that, and it was why I said I wouldn’t make any hasty decisions.

I’m having difficulty, and doing my best to pull up. I’m doing all the things, but it is slower going than I want. I’m also having a heck of a time keeping my focus on the things that are going right. When Abraham said to chill out, take a nap, or meditate, my knee jerk reaction was “I AM!!!”. At least as much as possible.

Those moments do help and do work, in the moment. I’m just having difficulty sustaining them in between. For instance, when I worked out today I totally zoned out to the music pumping in my earbuds- so much, that when I went to check a notification on my watch I almost lost my balance doing 4.4 mph at a 4 incline on the treadmill (and yes the numbers were a conscious choice). It was almost really bad, but I caught myself just in time.

Despite my faux pas, I refocused and zoned back into my treadmill workout.

I’m frustrated with myself, with my lack of results, with things not being very close to my desires in many ways. I do feel like I am reaching for impossibilities, and that’s without comparing myself to others. It’s bogging me down.

Here’s the deal. No one chooses to be crazy. And I’m not really crazy, but I do still feel like my brain is not fully functional, because I do frequently have extreme difficulty controlling it. 7 years of practice with many actions to help proper function and encourage healing, and I still have these bouts, periods where making my brain cooperate is like pulling teeth.

It is very frustrating. Especially considering that I was born into imbalance and it got much much worse, long before it started to get better. Born an orange baby from jaundice due to high blood sugars during my mom’s pregnancy, and then dysfunctional family life early on, some of which continued all the way into adulthood. I have literally fought my entire life to stay alive trying to find healthy, trying to find balance, trying to find proper brain function, and trying to convince myself that I even want to live- that life can be enjoyable.

I have gotten this far by my efforts, and after reaching adulthood- with some support from my husband Nathan. No one else got me here. My family sure as hell didn’t, out of all of them there is only two that I feel like even put effort into mental health like I did, and ones of those is my younger brother. Bonus half the time I feel like God even forgot I was trying.

Mental health problems are a modern problem. They were present before the industrial revolution (some very interesting history on that), but they have become much more plentiful since. There are many reasons and also many hypothesis for that, but the acknowledgement of this being a modern era concern is just the same. We diagnose them more frequently and more accurately than once upon a time, and generally people seek treatment more frequently than in history. However, the numbers are still in a generally climbing curve. That implies that what we are doing as a populus is encouraging mental disease and disorders, not actually solving anything.

This really could be said for all disease, we have more diseases to label and diagnose, more symptoms to treat, more avenues to seek symptom treatment, but disease from allopathic medicine is rarely solution/healing oriented.

So sometimes I do get angry at God. I am doing the work. I am reaching for better. I am practicing techniques to allow as much healing as possible. I put forth as much non-resistant effort as I can find time for- all to get my brain to cooperate. Yet, 7 years and it is still a challenge more frequently than I like, and often more difficult than I can handle alone.

Where is my miraculous healing that meditation is supposed to enable?

So I ranted at my divine masculine today. Ultimately, I feel like having been left hanging by the divine has caused all my concerns to be greater, harder, and longer, and I often wonder what the hell I did to deserve it.

Yet I still reach for better as much as possible.

So I told my divine masculine:

If there really is no spoon, then why can’t you just stand here? Why can’t you just give me a hug and tell me it’ll be okay? Why can’t you just acknowledge all the things I desire and remind me that they are worthy goals? Why can’t you honestly tell me how you feel? Why can’t you be lovingly supportive like my husband and help me figure out solutions to make things go more smoothly? Why can’t you just heal my brain so it stops doing this to me? Why can’t you remind me of the moments of feel good knowing which I have had? Why can’t you tell me do this and you’ll get that thing you want? Why can’t you be strong and capable and still caring, gentle, compassionate, and loving? Why can’t you love on me, heal me, and kick anyone’s ass that gets in the way of that? Why can’t you give me helpful advice and do things with me to help speed my progress? Why can you help support me so I can work less and have more time for me and my healing needs? That’s what I want and need from my divine masculine.

It’s been hard long enough, and I’ve done so many things to help, that I feel like I’ve earned that. But maybe it’s just wishful thinking.

I just want to be the healthy beautiful venus with my poly family and my Atira community and businesses. I want love and connections and prosperity and a lighter work load and support from my loving poly family. I was supposed to have more than one partner in love and business- combined! I was supposed to have more, and I’ve worked a long time, practicing at aiming at that goal. I know these things are already in my vortex and in full detail and complexities clearly defined. They’re there. I want to allow them here.

It feels like too much to ask and nearly impossible, but I do keep reaching for examples that prove otherwise.

I reach for the Will Smith’s (the actor) of polyamory. I reach for the businesses owned and operated by spouses or significant others. I reach for the clinics that are closer to what I envisioned. I reach for the intentional communities, especially the high dollar complexes like I desire (like when I learned of the Cerner complex being built in Arkansas that has literally everything I want, but in standard modern construction instead of my domes). I reach for the proof of things not being impossible and remind myself as frequently as possible that I am enough. I reach for the knowing that I am strong enough. I am intelligent enough. I am capable enough. I am patient enough. I am kind enough. I am loving enough. I am beautiful enough. I am working hard enough (hell probably too much). I’m giving enough. I’m helpful enough.

I am enough in all the ways.

I know I can do all the pieces of the dream, and what I don’t know how to do myself I know how to learn or find someone that can. I’m just having a hell of a time getting them all together at once, and finding the funding to make it happen and keep it going.

So I’ll focus some more and do my best to stay on the positives. I’ll do all the things over and over again. I’ll make my brain cooperate, and meditate, and do as much as I can to allow. And I’ll keep allowing as much as possible so that my divine masculine actually can start filling in the gaps and hopefully provide my much desired healing so it’s not so hard. I’ve asked enough for 3 lifetimes, now I really do just need to shut the eff up and let it in. Somehow.


May you have stable mental health and clarity. May you be able to maintain focus on the feel good knowing of your inner being. May you allow all of your asking to manifest. May you find your progress to be great wonderful strides towards better and better. May you never plateau on your improvement, but still enjoy your life and your journey. May you know your are enough and can do it. May you fully and deeply, understand and believe, that nothing is impossible. May you believe in your ability to beat the odds. May you know your divine connection(s) love and support you and are doing the best possible to guide you to your desires. May you allow fully for that divine force to accomplish great things for you.

Om Gum Ganpatiye, Om Namo Narayanaya, Om Shanti

For those unfamiliar with mantras, my ending essentially translates as a salutation to the divine to break obstacles, allow for protective flow, and find peace. 3 prayers in one to 3 divine aspects.