Tag Archives: relief

I deserve to feel good.

After having found the alignment through the climb my last several posts reflected, I knew I needed to milk it. The feeling place of those high vibration moments needed to do me some major good. It was time to focus on the feelings I want more of in my body and in my world.

Thinking about the joy and freedom felt in camp was a good start, but I want more.

I deserve to feel good and see results that others will also see. I deserve for my entire body to come into alignment, even blood sugars and thyroid function, all the things that doctors document. So far some of that has improved significantly and some of that seems worse. I use seems, because sometimes seeming worse is actually on your way to improvement (detoxing is a really good example of that).

I spent a long time focusing on feeling good in my body. I did my usual moving meditation to snap, crackle, and pop my joints back into alignment. I did some more moving meditation, almost like yoga, to stretch out some of my tight muscle spots. Then I was down to just a few of my extra stubborn areas. One is my right rhomboid. I have had times where other massage therapists spent 20 minutes just on that one muscle and it’s trigger points. Well on this occasion I simple rested my hand (more my finger-tips for ease in reach) on the trigger point and used several visuals to help relax it. My touch was the focus mechanism to ‘put the power there’ (that’s a rough translation of one of the Reiki symbols I use). Then once I engaged the energy in that spot I moved through more intense Reiki symbols. I visualized being She-Ra in her moments of healing (I’m going to write more on that soon). I visualized the muscle being like a pat of butter on a hot skillet. Eventually all of it put together, the muscle did give in and relax. It took a long while, it really wanted to hold on. I really had to convince it that it was off duty and didn’t have to do anything.

Then I moved on from structural elements. I felt for and visualized energy of love in and around my body. I let it start from my heart with loving myself. I thought of all the pieces of myself that I genuinely appreciate. Once I had the feeling of the vibration of self-love, I pushed it around my body mentally. Sometimes I would have to stop and focus on something about an area that could be loved. For instance, my thighs still carry much more adipose that I prefer, so I had to focus on their strength, the fact they can lift 210 pounds in addition to my body weight, the fact that they propel me everyday and everywhere I go. That enabled the love vibration to flow in those areas.

When all was said and done, I felt genuinely spectacular. The only drawback was it took what seemed forever. It was the better part of my Sunday afternoon, and though I didn’t watch the clock, I know it took a couple of hours or more.

My goal is to get to a level of health and focused thought that my process described here is more like a normal meditation. It will probably take much practice over a long while. It seems that most of my basic goals like this take about 9 to 10 months to fruition… Hmmm… I’m seeing a correlation with pregnancy. Anyway, I have noted that I do create positive changes, but it definitely takes a while, and progress still frustrates me on occasion when it’s technically there, but less than desired.

May you have good healing meditative moments. May you genuinely feel self-love. May you convey to your body that you do care for it in all the ways you know of. May your body generally cooperate with you and show you good positive results more quickly and in bigger more noticeable ways. May you know that beyond everything God loves and supports you in all that you do and are.

Om Shanti

My brain hurts, but problem solved AGAIN!

Dad did not get released to me today. I had to have follow up appointments scheduled before they would release him. So I spent all day today figuring that out.

A dozen phone calls and a fax later with much stress, I figured out the solution. He now has a new doctor booked near my home, and all that is left is to transfer records after he is discharged.

I’ll now be picking him up Sunday and staying to Monday to help him resolve things at his old home arrangement. Then back to my house with him and a bunch of his stuff for an extended visit while we arrange for his proper move.

I was originally going to rent a nice new vehicle to make this happen. However, it hit me that we were definitely going to need 2 vehicles so that he can make appointments if I am working. I decided it was foolhardy to rent short term and turn around and attempt to solve the long term issue. So, I decided to just leap head first into a purchase.

We picked one of the Toyota dealers near us hoping for a Toyota Sienna. We got a very nice young man- Deshawn, that explained the logistics of leasing vs buying, and asked us how much we had available as far as down payment and monthly. He listened to our needs on the vehicle itself. He walked us through the logistics of our original hopes and explained he couldn’t get close to what we needed new, lease or purchase. He gave us several options in SUV’s and a minivan. Based on the prices, we thought the minivan was the best option and went to look.

When he took us to the car it was the exact same vehicle we had rented for the vacation last year, not by vin number, but by make, model, year, and color. I said thank you to God. This was the result:

It had low mileage and almost 2 hours later I walked out with another $300 monthly payment plus the increase in our insurance costs, because the sticker price is not the final cost unless you can pay the full amount in cash. It’ll be manageable, and solves a significant concern I’ve had for almost 2 years before the dad hiccup.

So now I have an almost new vehicle at used prices. The first since about 2003 for me.

I am very grateful and appreciative that solutions were found easily today, and especially that I have fixed things enough to be able to do what I did. It is very relieving to walk in stressed but hopeful, and walk out with a gently used, nearly new vehicle in great condition and having had no difficulty accomplishing the task.

I thank God for the help with this and see the guidance that led to this moment.

May you have relieving solutions to all your problems. May you see God’s guidance and assistance. May you know everything is going to be all right. May you know your place within all of it. May you know you are loved and supported by the Divine.

Siva Hir Su

There I go scaring people again.

So I just finished my workout for today. It was rather amusing. I walked to the park near work (Broadmoor Park) for my warmup. Once at the park I commenced my run/walk combo around the third of a mile loop. The first couple of laps I eased in gradually running short stints and walking in between. By my 3rd lap I was pushing myself to make it half way around the loop before returning to my speed walk pace.

Needless to say the cussing started, spliced in between “you can do it Treasa” and “so close, just a little further”. I had noticed a couple of ladies in the pavilion chatting. After my second lap of cussing and self pep-talk they disappeared, I guess I scared them off. I grumbled at first awareness of that, and then reminded myself that I’m on my own: no one is here to help, soothe, or encourage me on my workouts. That was more than enough justification to return to my cursing and pep-talk.

Anyway, I was happy with my results, one lap my legs actually relaxed into the running motion and I almost made it 2/3’s of the way around the loop. I was super excited for that moment, it means I’m inching towards making friends with running.

I also discovered that my tracker is now keeping a graph of my speed, that’s really nice since I’m not on a treadmill still not being able to enter any of the area gyms. Regardless, I still want to get back on treadmills, because my body is not enjoying the percussion and alignment issues caused by hard concrete and uneven terrain. My right leg wants to keep locking up and left leg has jammed into the pelvic socket a couple of times.

Anyway, here are the stats of my run. It was 9,000 of my nearly 10,000 steps for the day so far. The 15mph at the end was a fluke (maybe cell com related), because I finished the last half lap and return to work at fairly moderate walking pace for my cool down.

On another note the diet, though boring and bland is going well. I’ve been spacing my snack-meals perfectly because it has literally triggered the nauseous “you must eat now” response just like in pregnancy. That is a wonderful sign. I’m also staying on top of my selenium, seaweed, and iodine intake to combat the thyroid nodules. I’ve even restarted hormone supplements to help with that as well. Beyond that, I have finally begun to loose weight again. I’m down to 211 from 220.

Another 21 pounds and I’ll be back to my post birth weight from first pregnancy. That makes me happy. Considering I spent 20 of my 37 years at nearly 300 pounds it makes me really happy to be much smaller. Knowing no doctor would ever make a real effort to help me get there, and I’m doing it on my own even with huge health barriers is even more spectacular. KMA western medicine. You’ll figure this shit out eventually, and I’m really glad I haven’t fallen for your “here just take these pills for the rest of your life” routine.

May you have great workouts. May you have all the right words to keep pushing yourself to better, even if they are swear words. May you have evidence of your improvement as further encouragement. May you know you can do it. May you feel better and know you are healthy enough to keep going, keep trying, and keep improving. May you know you can find improved health and heal your body. May you feel better about yourself. May you believe in yourself and love yourself.

Siva Hir Su