Tag Archives: relief

Yet More Clarity

I’m totally over experiencing more contrast. I’m okay with some smooth sailing for a while, but to get there I must endure the remnants of my previous creations and keep reminding myself of the better things yet to come. So every negative ping is an opportunity to focus on what my inner-being is saying to me. So I’m going to just list some things by category (no particular order) that are the higher vibration positive thought of my negative pings of recent history.

Political Pings result in:

My Government works fairly well most of the time, and classically we as a country have fared better than many countries in the world.

Regardless of others’ opinions on how one should voice their concerns, at least we have the freedom to do just that in any way we choose; and eventually companies will realize how much that is a good thing and support all of those in their employ that choose to make intense valuable statements to help right wrongs in our history.

I understand that our military has fought for those rights, and they were trained very well that the flag is what they are fighting for. I also understand that the flag is merely a symbol of our greater democracy and ALL of its constituents, so really the military is fighting for all of us and all of our rights. Thus, I would think that there are those in the military that understand what they are truly fighting for- a major part being: our freedom of speech and to be able to generate positive changes through that freedom. So, regardless of how someone chooses to make a statement, ideally our military should acknowledge that they did fight for all of us. Additionally, if someone feels they need to make a big statement using the flag as their tool, then one would hope that everyone could realize it is just a tool, just a symbol, and see how important that statement is. As Summer Osborne sang “It was not just for some, it is for every single one”. If we have citizens that feel it does not reflect them or protect them, we should correct so that they will feel it holds that value for them as well. If the flag is to be a symbols for everyone, then make sure solutions point to that, or acknowledge that currently it is only protecting some, and make improvements so that one day it does include all of our citizens.

I know that my government does have some people in it, that really do care about the citizens of the country. Those people are doing their best, to find the best solutions, for the broadest portion of the population, that their decisions affect.

I know that really when you boil most of the apparent differences down, at the heart is a country wanting to be heard and wanting decisions in our government to reflect that.

I know that it is possible for love, and definitely acceptance, to overcome the negative issues in our country right now. It may take time, but it is certainly possible.

I look forward to seeing more people in our government that want to come together and find common ground to find the most solutions possible. I know that this coming election is a period that could generate many more of those individuals. I sincerely hope that our population can look for those most ideal representatives and place their votes for those candidates in confidence.

Our government can and will start doing better as people begin to focus more positively and on more solutions.

Home pings result in:

I’m totally ready to settle down, find my for-a-long-time home, my home-base to launch travels from. I know that this move may not be that ‘final’ move, but I’m getting closer to being able to do that. I’m listening to my inner-being better and eventually it will guide me to the resources and circumstances to be able to accomplish that. I really really look forward to that day. I remember the story from “The Secret” where the one guy moved something like 6 times in 4 years, but his last move was his dream home. I’m hopeful that I could be on that same trajectory right now. In which case its perfectly ok that I’m having to move again.

I have enjoyed being in a house with running water and efficient/stable electricity and internet. Having gone through a period without those things has definitely helped me to have a  much greater appreciation of them now. I look forward to our next home having as good if not better utilities.

I also have enjoyed being in an environment that was in better state of upkeep and with some color on the walls. It is nice and helps with a feeling of home and coziness. I like that a lot. I look forward to a home in excellent repair and the ability to make rooms the colors we choose. That will be nice.

Our neighborhood has been good, it’s quiet and cozy and everyone looks out for each other, they are friendly and welcoming. I appreciate that cooperativeness in neighbors, and look forward to our next neighborhood being that or even better.

I did enjoy being in the country, but I do also enjoy being closer to work. I am hopeful that we will find a home that is really close to work and has a touch of the feel that being in the country brings. I am sure that somewhere near work I can find a home with lots of trees and a little more secluded from the busy thoroughfares, because that does sound so wonderful and I know that God/my inner-being will help guide us to that.

I have especially appreciated that this home has fit within our budget even with having taken time off for having the baby. I am very appreciative that we had enough to get through, and I know that we will find another home that fits the bill. We will continue to have enough. God will continue to make sure we get through. Everything will be ok.

People pings result in:

I love feeling loved and I love feeling appreciated, and I love giving both in return.

Sometimes things just don’t work out, and I love knowing that I don’t have to let my heart get broken, that it is a choice and effort of focus. Even if I’m not there yet, I can be with a little (even a lot of) practice. If I practice well enough the next people in my life will meet my desires more readily.

I love that my husband is so very supportive of me in every way that he is able. I really appreciate that he has made great efforts and strides in keeping to his promises, no matter how big or how small. He has done much better at staying on top of things and getting everything done that he says he’s going to.

I am appreciative of when people tell me things and then follow through. I know that things do happen and people are not perfect, but I acknowledge that they have the best of intentions when they tell me things. I look forward to people giving me honest responses that include what could happen if “plan A” does not quite work out, what is their “plan b, c or d”.

I look forward to being surrounded by many people that work as diligently on finding their inner-being as I am working. Inspired people, lead to inspired actions, and then everything flows smoothly and easily, and everyone ends up happy. I love that idea.

I love that I am beginning to see my fears and angers for what they are, and I’m beginning to use that to push myself to find the god-force view of things. I look forward to all of my family being able to do that too. In fact I look forward to everyone around me being able to do that. It will propel us all too better days and away from restricting ourselves to rehashing the old negatives repeatedly. We all want improvement in one way or another or many ways, and finding that other view does seem to be an efficient way to find that improvement.

I have realized that as much as I enjoy mutuality with others on good or fun topics, I love so much more, finding mutuality with my higher-self that sees everything in the best way possible. I really, really care about what influence I’m under, and even though I’m still working on catching myself, I get better at it every day that I keep practicing my focus.

I know that when I’m the most hurt, most upset, most angry, it is the biggest and best opportunity to really learn how to refocus and find my inner-self; and even though it’s not instantaneous, it can be done fairly quickly if I really focus. It’s really rally satisfying to know that.

All of the negative situations and people in the last couple of years has really helped me to learn this process. I’m doing amazingly better than I was in 2015 and 2016. That is priceless, and means eventually my river will feel like smooth sailing. I am hopeful now, that it will even be such, very soon.

Everything happens for a reason, and sometimes the reason is merely to learn how to not do what they did, how to remain focused on higher more positive responses. Again a push to keep practicing. I prefer so much for feel secure and safe over fearful. I love so much to find appreciation over anger. I love knowing that by working on my thoughts I am improving my life in ALL ways. I am literally healing every aspect of my life, one thought at a time.



The one thing I haven’t had as many negative pings lately is on my health. I still have some saggy and floppy bits from having baby 4 months ago, but they are working on retreating, so I know they will firm up eventually. Beyond that I’ve had so many people telling me that I look good these days that I am very happy with my progress. When others know I’ve lost weight and see my glow, I know I am doing well. It helps me feel so much better knowing my efforts have paid off, and it is very encouraging so I’ll keep at it. I love feeling good and I know that my beliefs have have led to this path to finding feeling good. Eventually those beliefs will improve and create ease, but for now I will stick with the resulting path of least resistance to physically having optimum health.

Thank you Abraham/Collective-Consciousness for all of your guidance.

Thank you God/Shiva/Poseidon/Cuernunnos

Thank you Goddess/Kali/Gaea/Brighid

 

I’m not the only one holding on.

Today my thoughts are with Florida. Friends of friends are there. One set of direct friends I haven’t heard from, but Nathan is keeping an eye on their facebook since I don’t have an active account. One grandma and her parents (Anya’s great’s) are about halfway between Tampa & Orlando.

Keeping everyone in my thoughts and prayers. Anya has a trip planned to go down there with a friend in October. I’m wondering if their trip will end up being a volunteer opportunity to help with cleanup. 

The news is stressful. It makes me remember why I don’t usually watch the news. Yet I feel the need to know if loved ones will survive. Mostly I think they will, but it’s still a bit close to call. So, I’m trying to moderate my check in’s, to stay apprised without causing too much emotional distress for myself.

Today I must get paperwork and computer work done, so that will be a welcome distraction. Later I will meditate and send light, love, and prayers. I suspect resources and hands will be vital over the coming weeks, but I myself am limited with the new job starting. I’ll send money once I have it, there’s definitely enough ways to donate. I hope many, many others are able to provide hands on assistance.

Do what you can. Start with meditations and prayers now, and any resources you can offer once the storm clears. Support your fellow humans in whatever way you can.

Good days are here. 

With my last round of adjustments, adding the vast amounts of green drinks & scaling back my calorie consumption, I’m feeling great.

My fitness tracker band that I’d ordered finally arrived and after an initial charge I was able to start using it yesterday. It confirmed what I suspected that my medicine weaning process was needed and is accurate. When thyroid meds are a little high, you get faster than normal heart rates. My resting heart rate is between upper 80’s & low 100’s, when it should be consistently in the 60’s & 70’s. Some people even have normal resting heart rates in the 50’s. So I’m definitely taking a little too much thyroid medicine. I’m so glad I ordered the fitness tracker.

That being said I’m feeling Great otherwise. Really great, so I’m definitely going to back down slowly to keep the happy love flowing.

In addition to my band being usable yesterday, I was able to go get my tattoo touched up.

This is what it used to look like (not the best pictures ever, but you get the idea) :

My view:

Other people’s view:

It definitely needed help & I’d never had the budget to get it fixed. After getting our tax return & acknowledging that I’m at a bit of an impasse decision wise on construction, I decided to divert a little to getting it fixed finally [8 years should be long enough to wait for that].

So, yesterday was the appointment. 2 hours of painful fixing- tattoos are not easy to handle the first time, plenty of discomfort, but fixing a botched tattoo means super sensitive scar tissue. Fortunately, being a massage therapist I’d done the facial stretches on my tattoo hundreds of times to gradually reduce the scar tissue. I’m glad because damn, it still hurt like crazy in places. There were 2 spots that I had to really focus all my metal efforts finding my happy place & breathing to get through the touch up. It helped that my tattoo has always been about love. It represents all the things I hold near & dear to my heart. The Triquerta & Shamrock are due to my Irish heritage & strong desire to visit Ireland some day.

However, it was originally our “engagement ring” because being an LMT I don’t wear rings when I’m working. Nathan & I got the matching shamrock on opposite arms so when we hold hands the tattoos touch. He let me go with the Irish theme because being of slavery lineage he has no idea what his heritage is, & he’s always connected with celtic influences anyway.

So, when the shamrock didn’t turn out right, the original tattooist tried to touch it up & offered a simple add on to make up for it. That’s where the triquerta came in. He did the same “fix” for both of us. But even after his fix, it never did look right. Mine always had this void in the green that looked like a 7 (easier to see in my view/upside down).

Now 8 years later, I’m finally getting to touch it up, & it hits me. 7 is Shiva in hebrew. Shiva mantras are the predominate mantras in my collection. I’ve been praying to that archetype & feeling like I’m getting responses. I also acknowledge that 2 of the friends that I’ve really been missing of late are Hindu- friends near and dear to my heart.

So, it only felt appropriate to add on something of India.

I also wanted to color the Triquerta in.

The Irish flag is green & orange & white. The Indian flag is green & orange & white.

Hmmm. Interesting.

The only major difference is the India flag has the Dharmachakra/Ashokachakra centered on it, which I do resonate with the meaning behind the chakra. So I decided, color the Triquerta in with the flag colors & add the chakra. I originally thought to center the chakra to the original tattoo, but the artist doing the work pointed out that it would make the assymetry mistake of the original Triquerta more obvious. She suggested shifting it up like a halo, I agreed. She also suggested not doing the white because I had originally wondered if the reason the shamrock had issues was due to the white highlights in it. She said yellow would be a better blend color because it is in both green & orange; it could be minimised to meet my desired look. I said ok.

So this is what it now looks like (with a couple shots of the process):

I’m very happy with the way it turned out.

She gave me extra gentle care instructions to reduce the risk of having another color void issue. Essentially, be extra gentle, don’t submerge for a week, keep bandaged for 3 days. Wash with soapy water 3x’s a day, & just coconut oil after washing for mild moisturizing & anti- microbial effects. Happiness.

To celebrate we went to the Indian restaurant a block from the tattoo shop. It was a very yummy meal to end a very good day. I am very thankful and grateful for good days finally being here consistently. I choose to believe that this is significant of a major turning point in my life. Things will continue to be good, great in fact. I’m seeing the illusion for what it is, I’m beginning to understand, and be it divine influence or merely law of attraction, I’m gradually moving in wonderful directions. I’m looking forward to the future again. *Deep Breath* Happy.

Burn f*^#er Burn

So today was a “miss work to get some home work done finally” day. I succumbed to renting a roll away dumpster since it seems I’ve permanently lost my utility trailer to the hauling of water.  The roll away cost as much to rent for a week as the utility trailer cost new at Harbor Freight. Oh well, what’s $400 dollars anyway, right?!

New utility trailer last spring ($460)- got used to haul trash twice & otherwise has been restricted to water. 

Dumpster today ($400) 4x8x10 ft (only 4 feet longer not quite 2 feet taller than the trailer)

Furthermore,  I spent the morning distracted so actual labor finally commenced at 11am, despite receiving the roll away at 8:30. I’m prepping to head to choir/orchestra practice now,  so we had to wrap up at 3:30.

This is what it used to look like, before burning our contribution of remodel remnants:

& this is from while we were burning before,  but is a better idea of where we started  today: 

So, that makes 4.5 hours of labor, of which Nathan and I both busted ass to get as much done as possible, so it was really hard labor. If I was able to pay myself what I get paid at work, I’d have made $180, and Nathan would have made $90. 

Oh well…. $400 dumpster and $270 lost wages, just to remove mostly other people’s trash. *scowl*

(Notice my horribly mismatched clothes – that was because they were garments I wouldn’t be afraid of trashing if need be.)

The up-side is we’re  finally seeing it disappear. Over a year later,  with no help from the family that caused the pile. Can you tell I’m having difficulty finding gratitude over that one?

This is what it looks like after the 4.5 hours, almost complete with giant burn pile started:  

I am grateful it’s going away,  and it feels much better without the litter on the land. I am very glad we’ll have a yard again. 
What’s left when the cleanup is done will be a very large burn pile of wood products, and an equally large pile of scrap metal which I’ll probably end up hauling off inside the van. 

 I very much look forward to watching the wood burn this weekend.  THAT will be a good time.  THAT will feel better too. THAT makes me happy. 

In the midst of all of it, I got to stop & play with a Red Bellied Snake, & at the end of the day whilst cleaning up, I got to take a few min to absorb some wonderful sun on all my skin. THAT makes me happy as well. 

 Finally,  the purging has already begun.  We started the day by putting our mattress in the bottom of the dumpster, along with some soft goods. Sunday was wash everything we own at the laundromat day, and we’ve sprayed our bedroom and bathroom with horribly toxic chemicals which I got at home depot just for bedbugs.  I got 3 different gallon spray containers,  and we’ve used one and a half so far,  plus a quart & half of rubbing alcohol.  I’m pretty sure the house is extremely flammable right now,  & Nathan agrees,  so he’s asked me to quit talking about wanting to burn it down. I said fine,  with the qualifier that the dumpster needs topped off with anything that will fit (which might not be much because of the massive amount of trash we cleaned up today).

*sigh* Relief sometimes is difficult in the arrival. 

Progress thanks to a really great friend! 

So last  time we finished working. The bathroom looked like this: 

Essentially just an 80% completed  floor.

Now it’s much better. 

First we tested my tub that we got way back in January.  I know, right- you’d have thought we’d test it sooner! I knew the pump worked because Habitat Restore had tested that.  I just needed to know  if it leaked before putting it in my brand new bathroom. So testing: it was perfect!  So much so, that I took a fridgidly cold bath just to relish in my new tub. (Sorry not posting myself naked in the tub- haha!)

I can’t tell you how happy having a nice tub makes me. I’ve never in my adult life had a nice tub that I could really soak well in, & that’s not the favorite because I benefit so much from Epsom Salt baths. All previous tubs  were  only ever big enough for waist down soaking.  I’m so happy I have this one now!

So that being said,  it’s not actually usable yet,  but much, much closer. 

I got up at 10am this morning after about 2.5 hours of sleep post route. I immediately got in motion to start working knowing that’d I’d have help after about 3pm.

I was able to finish the subfloor on my own before help arrived.  

Then… Ta Da! Poof:  Nathan (my husband)  and Nate (our amazing friend show up).

We set right in to placing studs. 

We got all the stud walls up and the tub in its approximate location. 

Then we started hanging the paneling backer board. Once upon a time (about 10 years ago)  you could buy pvc paneling that was rigid corrugated sheets (I know because I did back then). Now if you want the benefit of waterproof pvc panels, you’re limited to thin flimsy crap. So,  you have to hang backer board, vapor seal it, & then glue the thin pvc panels on the exterior.  Much more work, more time consuming,  & more costly. Rawr!

Needless to say,  we got most but not all of the backer MDF up. We’ll finish another day & vapor seal so we can get the pvc up on yet another day.

However, despite the less than desireable paneling issue, I’m happy to say we now have some interior walls again. Enough to use the toilet in peace.

I wish I were a team of construction workers,  but I’m not.  So I really, really, really, really appreciated the help from our most amazing and wonderful friend Nate! I wouldn’t have gotten that much done today without him. Thank you & many, many blessings for your kindness & generosity!

*sigh*