Tag Archives: relief

There I go scaring people again.

So I just finished my workout for today. It was rather amusing. I walked to the park near work (Broadmoor Park) for my warmup. Once at the park I commenced my run/walk combo around the third of a mile loop. The first couple of laps I eased in gradually running short stints and walking in between. By my 3rd lap I was pushing myself to make it half way around the loop before returning to my speed walk pace.

Needless to say the cussing started, spliced in between “you can do it Treasa” and “so close, just a little further”. I had noticed a couple of ladies in the pavilion chatting. After my second lap of cussing and self pep-talk they disappeared, I guess I scared them off. I grumbled at first awareness of that, and then reminded myself that I’m on my own: no one is here to help, soothe, or encourage me on my workouts. That was more than enough justification to return to my cursing and pep-talk.

Anyway, I was happy with my results, one lap my legs actually relaxed into the running motion and I almost made it 2/3’s of the way around the loop. I was super excited for that moment, it means I’m inching towards making friends with running.

I also discovered that my tracker is now keeping a graph of my speed, that’s really nice since I’m not on a treadmill still not being able to enter any of the area gyms. Regardless, I still want to get back on treadmills, because my body is not enjoying the percussion and alignment issues caused by hard concrete and uneven terrain. My right leg wants to keep locking up and left leg has jammed into the pelvic socket a couple of times.

Anyway, here are the stats of my run. It was 9,000 of my nearly 10,000 steps for the day so far. The 15mph at the end was a fluke (maybe cell com related), because I finished the last half lap and return to work at fairly moderate walking pace for my cool down.

On another note the diet, though boring and bland is going well. I’ve been spacing my snack-meals perfectly because it has literally triggered the nauseous “you must eat now” response just like in pregnancy. That is a wonderful sign. I’m also staying on top of my selenium, seaweed, and iodine intake to combat the thyroid nodules. I’ve even restarted hormone supplements to help with that as well. Beyond that, I have finally begun to loose weight again. I’m down to 211 from 220.

Another 21 pounds and I’ll be back to my post birth weight from first pregnancy. That makes me happy. Considering I spent 20 of my 37 years at nearly 300 pounds it makes me really happy to be much smaller. Knowing no doctor would ever make a real effort to help me get there, and I’m doing it on my own even with huge health barriers is even more spectacular. KMA western medicine. You’ll figure this shit out eventually, and I’m really glad I haven’t fallen for your “here just take these pills for the rest of your life” routine.

May you have great workouts. May you have all the right words to keep pushing yourself to better, even if they are swear words. May you have evidence of your improvement as further encouragement. May you know you can do it. May you feel better and know you are healthy enough to keep going, keep trying, and keep improving. May you know you can find improved health and heal your body. May you feel better about yourself. May you believe in yourself and love yourself.

Siva Hir Su

Collaboration

Today was all over the place. My meditation didn’t go so well because Katherine was the first to wake up today and noisy was quick to follow.

I worked in the garden and was able to get my squash and zucchini seeds planted. I did notice a few of my previous seeds are just barely beginning to show. Yea!

I unpacked another small box of trinkets and found 2 of my miniature drawings from a while ago:

This is a watercolor like the other little ones I’ve done recently. I was thinking of a circular garden gate with lightening bugs or some such thing. Approx 2″ x 3″
This was a fun garden drawing I had done. It’s gel pens on watercolor paper. Approximately 5″ x 7″

At dinner Ian started arguing with his older sister again, and I chose to walk away instead of engage. I have been frustrated with him over destructive behaviors, so I decided I was going to channel my frustration into something helpful for him.

A while ago he had done a simple pencil line drawing on one of my canvasses. I decided to take that and finish it, but with an addition. I had included a visual reminder of the 3 basic rules that every thing he is scolded over link back to. My thought process was, maybe the attention span of a 5 year old really does forget quickly and a visual reminder would help. Putting it on an image that he started was my way of showing I do care and love him. I respected his pencil drawing and brought it to more vivid brightly colored life.

This was the end result:

18″ x 24″ sharpie marker on canvas.

This was me showing it to him after he cleaned up his room. (He enjoyed using the lighted magnifying glass.)

We talked about the 3 rules again. I made him verbalize them in his words before reminding him of the actual 3 rules.

1.(emoji busts) No severe upsets. Don’t do things that cause anger, frustration, sadness, crying, screaming, etc. In himself or anyone else- especially on purpose.

2. (broken dump truck) Don’t break things, his own toys or anyone else’s stuff. It leads to #1. Respect belongings, especially other people’s stuff.

3. (band-aid on knee with pain marks) Don’t cause hurts for himself or anyone else. That means think before doing and be careful when he does go do things. Again hurts lead back to #1.

He got the rules enough to repeat them a couple of times with lots of sighs. I reminded him that it may seem like a lot, but really everything he gets yelled at over links back to one of those 3. I also reminded him that when he remembers and follows those 3 rules, that the loves and smiles automatically happen. He always gets lots of loves when he has been good.

I know he appreciated it because he spent a long time (for him) looking at it. Then he wanted to take it with him to get ready for bed. I told him it could stay put for now and we would get it hung on his wall as soon as possible. I’m glad that he does appreciate it, now if I can just get the arguing to cease.

I’ll end with my blessing and cute kitties: Buddy and Missy were laying in a heart shape today, and I did my best to meet that vibration.

May you have positive outcomes even when having a challenging day. May you have wonderful creative collaborations. May you find ways to show your children you love and respect them. May you connect with your kids in meaningful ways. May your kids appreciate what you do for them. May you find a way through misbehavior. May you feel loved and supported. May you glimpse inspiration even through frustration. May calmer, brighter, vividly joyful days fill your life.

Siva Hir Su

Calm. Float.

Apropos; listen to “Float” by Flogging Molly :

https://youtu.be/JZKjxxciTVk  lyrics as follows:

Drank away the rest of the day
Wonder what my liver'd say
Drink, it's all you can

Blackened days with their bigger gales
Blow in your parlor to discuss the day
Listen, it's all you can

But don't, don't sink the boat
That you need, you build to keep afloat
No don't, don't sink the boat
That you built...

Sick and tired of what to say
No one listens anyway
Sing, it's all you can

Rambling years of lousy luck
You miss the smell of burning turf
Dream, it's all you can

But don't, don't sink the boat
That you need, you build to keep afloat
No don't, don't sink the boat
That you built...

Singled out for who you are
Takes all types to judge a man
Feel, that's all you can

Filthy suits with bigot ears
Hide behind their own worst fears
Live, it's all you can

It's all you can
It's all you can... Do

No matter where I put my head
I wake up feeling sound again
Breath, it's all you can

Tomorrow smells of less decay
The flowers keep this bloomin' fray
Be thankful, it's all you can

But don't, don't sink the boat
That you built, you built to keep alfoat
But don't, don't sink the boat
That you built, you built to keep afloat
But don't, don't sink the boat
That you built, you built to keep afloat
No don't, no don't sink the boat
That you built,
We all built to keep afloat

A ripe old age
A ripe old age
I'm a ripe old age
That's what I am
Ripe old age
Ripe old age
A ripe old age
Just doin' the best I can (repeat)

May miniature art piece today was gifted to the office manager. She had seen my candles quote from yesterday and said she would like something similar for her desk. We both liked the quote I chose. It only took me a couple of hours around the 2 massages I did. It’s watercolor and drafting pen on watercolor paper.

It was not perfect, but it did bring me some inner peace. Art always does that. Sometimes I have difficulty choosing what to do, but once I start my brain switches into creative zone out. It is very relaxing and that element alone was very appreciated.

I always notice the flaws because I am so critical of myself, but I appreciate that I am capable of creating these images with just my hands a couple drawing tools and some time.

I love that my mind has the ability to just switch over like that too. With all the chaos this week, and everyone trying to melt down over yet another disease, I have noticed my brain and body are gravitating to the things that calm my brain and allow my soul to float.

I told Nathan several days ago that I kept finding myself singing, even at the clinic I would hide in the laundry room to sing. I don’t need anyone to hear me, in fact that usually embarrasses me. I just needed to make music for the calm factor, and I don’t have access to instruments most of my available times. So my voice does it’s best to meet that desire. Regardless of my actual singing ability, it does accomplish the calm quite well.

I also did some beading. My lapis-lazuli/chakra-stones mala beads needed restrung because the cord was wearing thin, and I reformatted my kunzite/rose-quartz mala beads as well. That was also welcomed calm for one evening.

I am very very grateful that I know my most effective tools for centering and finding my inner peace. I wish sometimes that they made me money, but honestly when my clients are quiet and I can focus, I am able to find my calm around the table too. I just have yet to master finding my calm in the midst of chaos, complaints, or dominating sounds that aren’t music.

May you all have moments of quiet centeredness. May you feel your inner peace. May you enjoy your days mostly and find the benefits of any moments you might not enjoy. May you have abundant income and ample time for yourself and your family. May you remain healthy and happy through this challenge, but also for most of your years. Live long and prosper. Greatful, I am.

Siva Hir Su