Tag Archives: respect yourself

Why?

A conversation with my friend the acupuncturist, over ingrained improper words, stirred memories of both prior conversations and childhood. Then she did an acupuncture treatment that released a couple mental patterns, and reminded me of my innocence of youth. Together that in turn stirred contemplation from a more youthful inquisitiveness as follows.

  • Why is it so hard to change things learned as a child, even once your brain acknowledges there are better choices?
  • Why does language learned one way, become so hard to change and adapt as the world changes?
  • Why is the world so damn slow to change for the better? (Probably somehow related to the previous question.)
  • Why does society feel that women are incapable of success on their own accord? I remembered a conversation where one of my brothers stated that Camala Harris must have done sexual favors to get where she is now. My response was “I suppose you’re right.” But, my intent was in that manner of not wanting to argue over something such as that, during the time I had to visit. Why are women in powerful positions never acknowledged for having worked their asses off and having put up with far too much shit to get there? Maybe, just maybe, they kicked some major ass in multiple ways, and their position is their reward for having done what others couldn’t handle, including putting up with male chauvinism in many ways.
  • Why are men (especially those of my birth family) so ingrained with women being lesser and incapable? Why are women seen as only worthy/capable of bearing children and taking care of family members?
  • Why are men unable to recognize when a woman is genuine, has integrity, and still manages to do what society deems as too difficult/impossible for them?
  • Why are men so intimidated by women that own their power and stay true to themselves as much as humanly possible?
  • Why are men afraid of women succeeding?
  • Why are men so adamant that women are lesser and men are superior?
  • What is ingrained in men so deeply that the toxicity has permeated all of their concepts regarding women as a mass-society/culture?
  • Why does the Bible tell a story where man gave a rib to create woman, when both men and women have the same number of ribs; but in reality, male chromosomes are where the shortage lies? Did that shortage in their chromosomes cause the deeply ingrained toxic complexities and lack of compassion, generosity, and inner knowing, as a gender? Are they somehow innately jealous because women have more chromosomes?
  • Why aren’t both men’s and women’s chromosomes equal? Is the inequality of chromosomes structure really the root of all inequality?
  • Why does religion feel the need to restrict behavior and label people as wrong because they naturally fall outside religious paradigms? Why does society continue to let religion label perfectly good and honest people as wrong or sinners because of their uniqueness?

I have broken rules and still become successful, and the men in my family seemingly can’t stand it. I have been true to myself as much as possible and I have reached for better alone. Even though religion loves to tell me I’m a sinner, I have a direct line to God and I know it for certain because of how I feel when I receive messages. I know I am mostly on my path and doing better every day that I stay true to myself. I have done my familial duty by bearing children, and though I haven’t cared for my parents in their old-age expectations, I have cared for my husband and kids, and continue to do so. Yet I still work, and not only do I work, I am the traditional head of household and breadwinner as much as any 1950’s male. I have literally done both roles simultaneously while healing myself and finding far better mental health than my childhood enabled. I am being true to myself and my integrity is far more than most any of our recent presidents- especially the prior one, just ask any one of my nearly 200 clients, many of whom keep referring new people to me. I break rules and go against religious doctrine on a regular basis, yet God supports me and guides me often. I function outside of western medicine, and am healing myself with very little of their help, yet I understand the system and the human body enough to help my husband and clients navigate it when necessary. I see the broken parts of everything and do my best to reach for solutions daily, and sometimes that means giving someone information they would rather not hear. I am doing my best to be a voice for God and help the world shift towards better one choice at a time. I am doing my best to reach for knowledge and support of maintaining our rights and freedoms as human beings. I aim for better in every way possible. I have worked with people from all walks of life and from every age from birth up to 108, and because of that I have a greater understanding of life and people. I see how people function, what they desire, and ultimately what patterns/habits/choices do the most damage over time. I do my level best to educate clients on how that applies to them, on a daily basis. I genuinely want to help make this world a better place, not just for me, but for everyone, and I make efforts towards that goal daily.

I deserve every bit of recognition I receive. I deserve to be honored and respected for my knowledge. I deserve to feel pride in all that I have accomplished and all that I still do. I am a woman: smart, strong, capable, and successful, and I earned every damn bit of it without sacrificing myself to male chauvinism or preforming sexual favors. Every woman deserves that level of pride, success and respect. We do have more chromosomes and we use them to the fullest, and yes sometimes that means we kick ass and forcefully take what should have been rightfully ours to begin with. Toxicity will eventually fall, and until then women like me will keep doing what we do, and putting up with outdated rediculous mental bullshit from men that choose not to better themselves, while we keep trudging along fixing ourselves and everything we touch. One day good will prevail for real.

May you know the right questions to ask. May you see the solutions to problems you face. May women be recognized for their skills, efforts, fortitude and integrity. May we all heal and move towards real equality. Above all may you know that God loves and supports you because you are doing your best and improving every way you are able.

Om Shanti

Huh.

I’m picking up on emotions again. I have a few guesses as to whom, but honestly the thread that has pulled could belong to several. Regardless, I feel like it is bringing up a lot for me that I thought I had dealt with. The poem from this morning (last post) was just the beginning.

Fears of failure (failing again), fears of letting others down. Fears that being myself isn’t okay. I’m tired of being the black sheep, the weirdo, the one with out there beliefs and able to feel people. Feeling like I can’t do anything right and that I have done things that aren’t fixable, even though I wish they were. I’m also petrified that the way I want or need a relationship to manifest is drastically different than their expectations. I’m afraid of letting them down because their expectations are more than I can handle right now.

I do feel like I have a wonderful family now, and like I’ve never had before. They have been so supportive through recent challenges that I get really emotional thinking about it,  and I’m petrified of screwing that up. It would be like getting the perfect gift to have someone tell you it wasn’t intended to be yours in the first place. It’s easier to live with not perfect if you never got teased with better to begin with.

Yet I know no one is ever perfect for me, and I’m never perfect for them. We are only ever perfect for ourselves. We are on our own perfectly imperfect journey and any person will never align exactly with you constantly. Those most important people are the ones that align most frequently in all the important ways, and the only way to discover that is to get to know them really well.

But that involves making the commitment to find out, and right now I’m not certain I can commit to anything.

I am literally living day by day, moment to moment, and most of the time it is exactly perfect that way. I feel better when I don’t think about past mistakes, regrets, or lost and left behind. I feel better when I don’t worry about future possibilities.

Focusing on this moment, each moment, is literally enabling me to keep functioning. Every time I loose that focus, I inevitably end up on one of these energetic threads that leads me further astray.

So I refocus and restate where I am and what I’m doing and remind myself that I am supporting myself. I am doing what I need as I go, and I’m doing my best in each moment to be there for myself and anyone I’m interacting with. I am here and now to be ME.

May you have full understanding of what you feel and sense. May you know how to manage the here and now. May you release fears and just be yourself. May you enjoy your days mostly and always enjoy the path of life. May you know that above all the divine loves and supports you in all that you do.

Om Shanti

I leave you with Sadhguru’s quotes from yesterday and today as they definitely apply here.

Goddess Has Spoken

"Ours is already broken"
She said
Stern voice
Full of disappointment
Disgrace

The masculine
Has no right
To any
Connection
Control
Influence
Or impact
On Feminine

Goddess divine
Has spoken
Women's sovereignty
Wholeness
Protected
From you

Your abuse
Your anger
Your hatred
Your negativity
Your toxicity
Is being removed
Being healed

She has revoked
Your connection
The seal is
Already broken

Just let go
Just give up

You didn't fix it
On even the
Millionth chance

Yours is
No longer
Yours

Refusal to learn,
Grow, change,
Become a better person
Has sealed your
Fate
Accept your choices
Consequences will
Fall
Regardless of
Your acceptance

Divine feminine
Knows
We deserved better
All along
We always have been
The Treasure
You mistreated

We know we deserve
To walk away

Now it's time

Our seal is
Ours
To control
To give to those
Whom understand
To reclaim from those
Who don't

You have
No right
To interfere
Anymore

Goddess grace
Uplifts
Protects
Nourishes
Heals
Body, mind
And spirit
Eternal

Women suffered
Toxic wrath
Two thousand years
Too long

Ours is ours
Alone
We are free
The seal is
Broken

Be gone and
Good riddance
To toxic masculine

The goddess divine
Has spoken

~ Treasa Cailleach

Recent energetic events have made clear to me that a certain masculine is needing a good old fashioned banishing. Maybe even an exorcism. My husband was helpful in receiving a message that made clear ‘the how’ of it all. Let’s just say elders helped keep the toxic entanglement going well beyond all normal levels and beyond my usual daily skills. So, that is my goal for this evening, after a day full of learning home dialysis. I will bring an end to this madness with help from the archangels and the goddess, and a little extra powerful magic. I deserve better now. Be gone and good riddance. May the force be with me.

May you know your divinity and make good decisions because of it. May you find healthy balanced relationships in your life. May you execute any means necessary to ensure your own healthy sovereignty. May you know that you are protected and that God and Goddess support you in all that you do. May you be certain of your strength and capabilities. May you know your Energetics are completely under your own control no matter what. Happy May 4th, and may the force be with you always, and may you conquer your own personal Darth Vader.

Om Shanti