Tag Archives: self – care

Knights of Ni

This week has been fairly uneventful, at least in fun ways.

The highlight being a discussion with a client that started with Fight Club and ended with me singing “Always Look on The Bright Side of Life” from Life of Brian. It was a funny moment which proceeded to get that song stuck in my head, alternating with the clip of the knight from Holy Grail yelling “Get back here, I can still bite your knees off!”

I’m somewhat glad for that moment, because it’s kept me buoyant through dreary cold weather and a stressful moment.

This morning I got my regular walk in, but the bitter wind kept blasting my checks and ears. I kept reminding myself that I wasn’t that knight, and what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger. Each lap around the park I would remind myself and convince myself to do one more lap, finally giving in at 50min of walking. I’ve had 6,000 to 10,000 steps every day this week and intend to keep it up as much as possible.

The stressful moment came in over dog care and related details. I’m due to go see my little brother get married in Iowa this weekend and the person that was going to watch doglet had to back out last minuet because of an ill family member. I spent 12 hours texting everyone I could think of, trying to come up with a replacement, finally receiving a yes response this morning. After lost sleep and cranky muscles from the cold walk, I’m ready for a chiropractic adjustment and a long night’s sleep.

I look forward to the wedding and especially the short family visit, but I’ve yet to pick a wedding gift and I’ve crammed most of 3 days work into 1 to accommodate an extra day off. I’m not sure what to get my brother and his new wife and it may end up being gift cards purchased in motion on the way to the wedding. Jenkies!

Otherwise, I’ve pretty much been doing my best to take care of myself in between working. I’ve been coloring, learning languages, working my muscles to stay limber, and exercising for its myriad benefits. I’ve even finished the graphic design projects, and put a few more minutes into my dream dome-home design. Last night I got the stairs drafted and placed properly. I’m so excited to get far enough to show basic structural layout.

I’m no architect, but I plan to have a vector image that’s meticulous enough that an architect could make adjustments easily. Nathan was excited. He said: “That’s huge, monolithic would probably be happy to see my work, and you know how many people call in with a vague idea and expect them to do all the work.” I replied the difference is I’ve had this floating in my brain for 13 years and had plenty of time to think about all my preferences and desires. Bonus, I’ve sketched it out a half dozen times to really solidify much of it.

Needless to say it’ll be a good day when my sketches are fully drafted. I look forward to that, maybe next week I’ll get a significant chunk done and can post progress.

May you all find your moments of fortitude and strength. May you all feel less stressed. May you all have good times with family. Finally, may you all have joy filled moments of progress.

Siva Hir Su

Creatively pesky-tarian?

That’s the best title I can come up with for the range of things I wanted to write about. I’ve had several things come together that seem drastically different.

The creative comes in with a continuation of playing with my new computer. Last night I sat down for just a few minutes to explore the paint program. I actually have 2 choices: Microsoft Paint 3D or Corel Painter Essentials. I chose to explore Essentials, and had so much fun. I didn’t do much of a picture, again just getting my feet wet. But it was enough to know the program’s potential.

The pesky-tarian comes in, because the results of several weeks of educated guessing boils down to becomming a pescatarian.

I’ve been struggling with high sugars since I was at the previous job, but had assumed it was because I was being exposed repeatedly to my known allergens. A simple cause and effect I already knew of. Yet, after changing positions and cleaning up my diet quite significantly, I was still having trouble. However, the trouble had dropped to just being my fasting numbers, my daytime reads were normal to occasionally low. So I knew it was something about my dinners.

After trial and error over several weeks: changing things, adjusting portions and times, making note of meal choices; I finally think I’ve solved my latest puzzle.

There was definitely a connection between portions and time, if I ate too much too late it would definitely cause higher numbers. I already knew that from pregnancy, but I was perplexed that it wasn’t a complete solution. I was missing something somewhere. I became meticulous about the what of my meal choices, and began to notice a pattern. Meat was causing higher numbers. Just when I ate chicken, turkey, or beef (a rare occurrence).

After consulting with the internet and one of the practitioners at the clinic, hypothesis is Lone Star Tick disease. She confirmed that she has a couple of clients with confirmed diagnosis of such concerns, so it’s within reason as a possibility. Especially since I spent 2 years surrounded by cattle and poultry, and having known I was bitten by a variety of ticks. I could pay for bloodwork to confirm diagnosis, or I could just eliminate the concern. Especially since I have documented cause and effect enough to know for certain I am having a typical-for-me reaction.

So, I begrugingly chose the latter. I’m now a pescatarian. Yet after a week off of meat, I’m feeling much better. I’m struggling with inflammation less, my numbers are consistently coming down, and even my exposure to gluten on Sunday was far less noticeable to my system: I still got my telltale sugar spike and red bumps on my face, but the bumps are clearing up twice as fast. That I am very appreciative of.

So, I take the trade off of only vegetable, fish, or egg protein, for much better overall health. I can live with that.

Finally, I wanted to note a realization from work. One of the things I love about being a massage therapist is being able to feel muscles and people relax. It’s why I work slow. I realized the other massage therapist works fast because he likes to see the muscles relax, he can watch range of motion improve with each stretch. I’m familiar with that concept, but I prefer the tactile aspect of holding a tight muscle and feeling it’s sigh of relief in relaxation. It’s more a note of self-awareness. It is just an aspect of me, perhaps because of my recognition of my hands doing God’s work. I like to feel things through my finger tips, I like creating things with my hands. Massage lets me do both: feeling the change in creating muscle relaxation. I also really enjoy feeling the energy flow of Reiki, that’s an extra level of wonderful sensitivity.

So, I leave you today with the following well wishes: May you have your moments of creative happiness. May you find solutions to all of your health concerns, and may you see the aspects of yourself that bring you joy.

Siva Hir Su

If I ask you to fix it, then at least make an attempt!

So, I’m a practicing massage therapist. Unless I’m working on someone over the age of 80, I fully intend to fix whatever is in front of me. If I can’t completely fix something, I get as close as humanly possible with the time allotted.

I have traded for 6 years with a therapist of the same caliber. When she retired she asked me to replace her. We traded once after her retirement and we’ve had trouble linking up our schedules to do a second trade.

I tried to schedule a trade with a few other occasional trade partners and the one therapist at the clinic. It seems my current schedule just is not conducive to trading right now.

Yesterday I cried uncle, and resorted to paid massages until I can figure out another trade. I knew that even an hour of regular deep tissue wasn’t going to be the same as my usual 90 min trade, so I went ahead and set up 2 hours.

The first one was at a place called “Hand & Stone Massage & Facial Spa” then an hour later I went to “Massage Envy”. The first place charged me extra for deep tissue saying that I had the best therapist available for that on that particular evening- $70 first time appointment for regular price of $95. Massage Envy admitted they didn’t have a deep tissue person available, so I knew that was not going to fix anything significant. Yet their intro price $55, for a normally $75 appointment.

The clinic charges $80 and I’m feeling like that’s totally not enough.

The comparison was night and day. My deep tissue appointment really just scratched the surface, and the second appointment was only slightly less pressure. There really wasn’t enough difference to have justified the extra charge at the first massage, and neither of them were anywhere near what I provide at the clinic.

I felt severely ripped off, but knowing that spas like those pay their therapists like crap, I tipped well. I spent $170 including tips, to walk away with 100 minutes of hands on time that left me feeling like it was a good start, instead of the 90min fix I’m used to.

I ended up going home to do 3 cycles on my Homemedics massage roller mat, and followed that with detailed instruction for Nathan to polish off most of what was missed. I still need to get a fix it massage scheduled ASAP.

Where this really gets my goat and why I decided to rant about it here today, is that I asked for a service and received inadequate results.

For instance: I specified that I was a massage therapist and sorely overdue for my massage. I specifically asked the ‘deep tissue’ person to stick to upper body, mainly arms shoulders and pectoral muscles.

She almost forgot that I requested upper body only and ended up doing my glutes in a pretend correction. Something a seasoned therapist can spot easily. Then, she barely grazed my pectorals, and was horribly ineffective at releasing any chronic areas, even a little. She barely grazed my rhomboids (shoulder blade) a couple of times which left me screaming in my head: “No! Go back, go back, you missed it!”

Here’s the thing, if you charge extra for deep tissue, it should actually be a deep tissue massage. Additionally, there’s no reason she couldn’t have worked my pectorals at least enough to count it.

Here’s the deal, I have no desire to see or touch anyone’s junk, and in 12 years I’ve only been forced to see that 3 times, all of which I put the kibosh on by pulling out a towel. Yet, when someone brings a problem, a hurt, that lies where their junk is, I still fix it. It’s called, keep it covered with the sheet, and if you really have to get super close-you have them hold it out of the way. It doesn’t matter if it’s a man and his penis or a woman and her breasts. Move it over and I’ll get the job done. There’s been twice where a womans breasts were so large I had them lay on their side to allow gravity to get them out of the way. Effing get creative if you have to, but fix the damn problem. So if I, as a therapist, tell you my pecs hurt and I’ve approved working on them, them you better damn well do it. Grazing them with your pinky finger doesn’t count.

Additionally there’s simply no reason that she didn’t get my rhomboids, or really any of my shoulders and arms better than she did.

Except for the fact that I kept redirecting myself to mantras, I would have left both massages infuriated.

As it was, I’m glad they at least accomplished a good start, and that I was able to figure out a solution for the rest. I wish them as therapists well, but sincerely hope that the one doesn’t keep selling herself as a deep tissue therapist. They both need to specify that they are solely relaxation specialists, and people like me won’t waste our time.

May you all have the fixes you need and great massages. May you all have the schedule to accommodate self-care and good results from that self-care. May you enjoy your days and be free from pain or discomfort.

Siva Hir Su

Do you enjoy vanity?

I found myself saying: it must be nice to be vain; that is after experiencing the 3rd person this week to comment on the lines the face creadle cover made on their face.

I’m from the perspective of- I like my massages, and so what if the face creadle cover leaves lines on my face. At least I got a good massage to combat and eliminate the stress this world produces in my body. I’d much rather have face cradle lines than the look of weary and downtrodden stress-bots that most people carry.

Then I started thinking, do people really enjoy vanity? The kind of vanity that is afraid others might notice your massage face. What is your brain telling you that makes massage face a bad thing?

Why would you even want to carry stressed face like everyone else? What is so appealing about sameness, that you want sameness even when the reality of that sameness is an element you work to undo every 1 to 3 weeks?

To me relaxed massage face or genuine glowing happiness and joy are the best faces to have, and anymore they are both rare.

Mostly, I have enough sense to get my massage and then go home. The few times I haven’t, I later thought: what the hell was I thinking, I’m not functional after a good massage. So I tend to think others would do the same.

I guess not; and in your instant worry about lines on your face and trying to be functional afterward, you’ve just wasted what your $80 just paid for. The moment you go back into worry, your body begins to ramp up your stress response and literally within minutes to hours it will be as if I never worked on you to begin with.

However, that is my job security.

No matter how well I demolish your stress and built up tension, I know that it’ll come right back. It comes back with every negative thought, every stress induced action, every repetitive motion, every moment of WORK, every worry. Frankly, most of society is really good at that side of the equation and really lazy on the stress reduction side of the equation. Why do any real work on/for yourself, when you can go pay someone to do it for you, and convince yourself that your occasional massage is adequate.

The real work, I used to give as homework, until I realized my words were bouncing off of thin air.

Now, I just willingly accept your $80/hour and smile politely when you make remarks about the lines.

The real work:

Self-care, including but not limited to:

Meditation

Yoga

Epsom salt baths

Regular Mag-a-hol usage

Supplements including but not limited to Magnesium, Potassium, Fish Oil, and Turmeric

Self-massage with a variety of easily accessible tools, some as simple as a tennis ball or foam roller.

Better diet choices to reduce inflammation

Consistent and ample sleep

Regular Sunlight

The not so hilarious corker here is that all these same things fight depression. You can read “The Depression Cure” yourself for the science of why, but in simple terms.

Stress=Inflammation=Tight Muscles

Stress=Inflammation=Pain

Stress=Inflammation=Depression

So tight muscles are usually experienced alongside pain, and as statistics are showing, increasingly alongside depression as well.

Massage fights the tight muscles element and can combat stress itself to a certain degree, but unless you work on the whole package, you will never find whole relief.

So go ahead and waste many dollars and many hours seeing therapists like me to convince yourself you’re doing what you can to feel better. I’ll gladly accept the job security, and inside laugh at your vanity over lines.

For those willing to do the work, I’ll gladly answer direct questions on any number of topics.

May you all have abundance of self-care and a famine of stress and worry.

Discernment

So yesterday was a very interesting day full of discernment.

I had several moments where residents passed on messages for me from afar/spirit. It was not quite as intense as the couple of times in recent history which I already wrote about, but intense none the less. I would share them here, but one of the phrases that I received from the second resident to do so, makes me think I should refrain from sharing yesterday’s experiences for now. She is a resident that is severely affected by something along the lines of Lewy-Body, and most of the time I can barely understand her. Yesterday however, the message was loud and clear and makes me cautiously, yet excitedly, anticipate my nearer future. It was unclear if what was being conveyed would be before, during, or after our family trip, but I interpreted it to be a good thing regardless.

On that note, I’m not a good liar, it’s one of many reasons why I prefer honesty. I find that in situations where I am not supposed to talk about something I  just avoid full discussion and become evasive, often redirecting or changing the topic all together. So, this is as much as you get until I get further notice from either the divine or the person it was regarding. All in all, other than wishing to disclose my reason for excitement, I am just happy to have had a good day.

I felt my connection all day yesterday, to varying degrees, and whether it is my mystery person of the last several years or a divine connection I’ve come to refer to as “my ET”: I’m still not sure. I’m not so sure it isn’t the same thing, perhaps “my ET” simply used HAL to be a mystery person in my experience. Who knows; I don’t.  One day, perhaps after I die it will become clear. However, for now, I relish the connection, and I am utterly grateful for it, even when I find myself saying “WTF- what is happening?!” It is strong and mostly feels good to great, and affects my body in a number of ways which I occasionally have trouble describing with the English language. Of course sometimes the sensations would make anyone blush, so I’d just rather keep those descriptions to myself. Mostly I find it pleasurable, but occasionally I get a pit in my stomach or feel very anxious from it. At those times I am still grateful to have the experience, but often wish that particular aspect would subside quickly.

Anyway, yesterday was mostly good, and felt great, but in the evening I thought that I would have a drink with dinner- partly to celebrate the good day, and partly to mellow out and relax. I had a singular hard cider with 5% alcohol. I was very quickly sloshed, even to the point of slurring words and silliness, and afterward the fall off was anything but mellowing. It was more like jumping off the cliff and I got very tired and quite cranky. I apologized to myself, my family, and especially to the connection. It was far more intense of a response than I had intended with my one normal drink.

Further discernment came late in the night after having slept for a few hours I woke with intense gastro-intestinal cramping and nausea. I took some homeopathic medicine we usually give to Katherine for her allergy induced colic, went to the bathroom, and then went back to sleep. I woke this morning mostly back to normal.

My discernment here is that I have cleaned my system up so much that even a little of some things is too much for me. My phrase this morning is that I no longer find my enjoyment in foods and drinks. I am definitely coming to terms with my body desiring to only have enough healthy foods for sustenance, and that I really don’t need anything else.

The up side is that I am dropping weight again, I’m down almost 15 pounds in a little over 2 weeks. That causes me to do a happy dance because it is in direct contrast to the 50 pounds I had gained working the activities job the prior 9 months, and being surrounded by all the things my body was attempting to say no to.

My calorie intake has dropped significantly, not intentionally. I am still eating frequently, in fact more frequently than before. However, I’m just sticking to that handful of healthy foods that my body is okay with. Some days I feel like I am a fish because I find myself consuming other fishes, shrimp, and lots of green leafy things. If it were not for my nut and chicken intake I wouldn’t have anything to argue otherwise.

My nut intake increased intuitively based on a memory of information I had learned on Brazil nuts. So I am literally eating all the nuts except Walnuts (I had reacted to them strongly while pregnant so I’m assuming they are still off limits), and very few peanuts (though I have never reacted to them, they tend to carry high levels of environmental toxins). At the same time, my chicken/poultry/protein-shake intake has decreased, again based on an intuitive flash that I might be consuming more protein than I need.

So my intuition said, more nuts (especially Brazil), less protein, cut the chocolate (addiction), and eat more frequently. Then voila, I am suddenly shedding weight again. I love it when I listen to those flashes, and follow through and it works! That is the best kind of discernment.

So this now tea totaler, wishes you good days filled with intuitively helpful discernment. I also wish for you to have all the messages from the divine that you need and the ability to be honest and open in your life. Be the Change and Be Your Unique Self.

So Mote It Be; Siva Hir Su

It’s not a tumor

Or a gallstone.

After 36 hours of resting and detoxing, Epsom baths and super-clean minimal eating, I was better enough to do a half day of work. Or so I thought.

I went in and after an hour, my headache and body pain flared again. I was exasperated.

I worked 6 hours and went home to rest and detox some more. I even did cupping to pull out toxins. My body really needed that.

After all of the rounds of cupping (both shoulders and back), I ended up with big dark circles and blisters from severe muscle congestion, all over my upper body. I looked like a giant octopus had attacked me, but I felt so much better.

I was certain at that point I must have accidentally ingested too much actual pepper.

I knew the dinner theater trip I took with residents had served veggies with red peppers in them, but thought I’d picked all the bits out. I must not have, or there was something else I missed, because several of my allergens cause body pain like that. However, this round was super intense because I haven’t experienced the burning in my chest, shoulders, and arms before.

Needless to say, I’m back to the brain-mouth argument over foods in my environment. My brain knowing that the reaction sucks enough to say no, but my mouth knowing how tasty everything is. It’s a never ending battle that my will-power wins when I’m pregnant, but often loses when I’m the only one to suffer.

So to reset, my goal is to stay clean from here on out, a monumental challenge in the environment I work in. I just can’t afford the reaction and resulting pain and time off it causes.

On the up side Katherine is still doing great. Still a few days from being a year old, and she’s climbing stairs on playground equipment (family went out while I was predisposed with my few hours of work).

She is intent on catching up with Ian as quickly as possible. She even takes his trucks and plays with them just like him. I hope she sticks to the good things and ignores his bad behavior. I’m also very grateful that she enjoys being outside so much, we’ll get lots of miles out of that.

May all of you enjoy sunshine, outdoors, progress, self-care and calm immune systems.

Good nite and be well.

Relaxing into clarity.

Yesterday I hit an exhausted wall again. Cancelled most, but not all, of my massage work today. That is an expensive habit I need to break, even if it has only been once a month.

You see as an employee I’m faced with the corporation’s rules:

  • Too many sick days and there’s penalty.
  • Overtime equals penalty.
  • Too many penalties and you get fired.

Yet the “reality” is I am working 7 days a week. 5 for them and 2 as myself. It also holds knowledge that I made $4 more last year in the job than in the self-employed work- way more hours for the same pay.

The reality is that their full-time 40-hour-a-week job has unrealistic expectations. There’s simply too much to be done to fit into 40 hours, but not enough to justify hiring an additional employee. So rules being what they are I’ve been electing to work off the clock averaging 2 to 5 hours a week of unpaid overtime, and that’s with efforts I’ve made to make certain duties more efficient.

I’d hate to see what the average Joe would need, and it has made even clearer why they keep going through activities directors like candy. Because like myself they’ve all probably hit the this-isn’t-worth-it-wall and quit caring which ultimately led to unfulfilled job duties and getting themselves canned. Unfortunately, even though I’m seeing the clarity, my work ethic demands I stick to what I’ve already done, until I find a better solution.

I’m literally putting in 70 hours a week between both sources of income, sometimes more.

So today I worked less to take care of myself. In fact I’m writing this from my post cupping, Epsom salt bath.

Thought you might prefer to not see all of me naked 🤣, but I’m loving that technology has allowed this moment.

Anyway, sunshine, cupping, massage, good healthy food, CBD oil, and a peppermint/eucalyptus Epsom bath- I’m starting to feel revived. I might actually be able to accomplish some tax prep before bed.

In the meantime, whilst I soak, I’m going to breakdown the opposites I’d prefer to experience.

  • Ballance between work life and home/social life.
  • Quality time with my children (wanting to play in the sandbox with Ian and go for walks outside again, now that the weather is improving).
  • I’d love to get paid above the real, current, highly inflated, cost-of-living for doing a 40 hour week. Less hours, more pay. I feel I’m worth it. I’m intelligent, hard working, detail oriented, and do go the extra mile when it’s called for (it shouldn’t be a daily expectation at low wages like it currently is).
  • Legally, I’m due to be paid for overtime when it’s necessary without penalty. Companies should acknowledge that if they are choosing to have fewer employees than workload dictates, they are to pay accordingly, or adjust the workload. In this particular case there are 3 people with time available to help. 2 of which are computer illiterate (as far as many of my duties are concerned) and the 3rd is one of “the mean girls” above me in rank. That is the additional clarity of why I just work off the clock, instead of attempting to shift workload elsewhere. They are simply either not able or willing to help in a genuine caring manner.
  • I wish to work with people willing to go the extra mile and be supportive of each other, but in an environment that tests it less frequently. Lower stress environment.
  • I prefer to work with people that are more open, accepting, and understanding. We all have oddities, quirks, and strange habits or mannerisms, just because someone else’s might bother you doesn’t make it right to mock them.
  • I enjoy being around friendly people.
  • I enjoy being appreciated.
  • I am grateful I leave lasting positive impacts on the people and places I’ve worked with.
  • I enjoy the feeling of belonging one gets in a tight knit community.
  • I enjoy being around people of all ages and all backgrounds. It is more interesting and brings more ideas to the table, the “compromise-challenge” is worth it.
  • I prefer to live the sentiment Summer Osborne addressed in her TED talk. (see here)
  • I would love to have genuinely good insurance that covered providers of my choice, even home birth, chiropractic, acupuncture, and massage. That is truly progressive and preventative medicine.
  • I would love to have my dome home and an electric vehicle.
  • I think I would really enjoy being on the providing side of these sentiments through owning my own community- my dream of Atira gets clearer with every day I’m alive.
  • I look forward to a day when I know my efforts help produce profits that go to good charitable causes instead of investors bank accounts.
  • I look forward to having a hand in those charities as well; a way to make a greater and even more positive and lasting impact.
  • I look forward to easier times ahead for me and my family.
  • I look forward to being able to take vacations occasionally with enough budget to do so easily and comfortably. Even once a year would be grand.
  • I look forward to experiencing the cafe and bistro I’ve dreamed of where I can walk in knowing there are multiple truly healthy and truly tasty options to choose from.
  • I look forward to being able to stay home on messy winter days and being able to take full advantage of those perfect sunny days, even if it’s just a walk in the park.
  • I look forward to being able to release my CDL comfortably knowing I no longer need to keep it as a backup plan, let alone my source of income. There are plenty of people that love driving more than I do.
  • I look forward to having a great playground in my close knit community…. And a dog park… And trails… Mmmm good.
  • I look forward to manifesting greater good in this world for God. I choose the archetypes Shiva (Zeus/Poseidon), Kali (Hera/Brighid), Ganesh (Hermes/Mercury), etc., because they resonate with me and I have such a layered understanding of God’s aspects. Regardless, we are here to further manifest on behalf of God. We are conduit for the Divine to produce more, and I acknowledge the weight of that willingly. I choose to do better, to strive for better, and to leave a positive mark on this world. Part of me wishes everyone had that same intense desire, and on some level we all do, but I acknowledge some are simply not able to accomplish what I am reaching for. I hope that I am able to accomplish what I am reaching for.

With that, my bath is cold and I am going to reach for tax progress with the remainder of my evening. Adeau and Happy St. Pat’s day if I don’t get a chance to write again before then. Blessings everyone.

You’re safer than they want you to think.

I’ve made the mistake of watching the news several times this week, and it’s made me fairly livid at least a couples of times.

I’m totally over all of the scare tactics, and news articles that are essentially scary commercials for drugs. Furthermore. It’s not brand specific, I only ever watch FOX by others’ choices, but I’ve seen ABC, NBC, CBS, and CNN on my own accord this week, all with similar results.

So far this flu season Nation-Wide:

A total of 20 influenza-associated pediatric deaths have been reported for the 2017-2018 season. See here.

7% of all deaths that occurred during the week ending December 23 were due to pneumonia and influenza. This is above the rate considered normal for this period… see here (though just barely by the charts and graphs available on the CDC page)

That’s out of 60,161  reported cases. 

That’s not even considering the many hundreds of thousands of unreported cases because people didn’t choose to go to their doctor and get tested to confirm it was flu. 

Keep in mind my one facility had 2 viral runs, either or both of which, could have been flu, but neither was tested for confirmation. Beyond that online office visits are now on the rise, and none of those include testing for viral confirmation. Furthermore, the last time I did need to go in to a doctor for being sick they treated based upon symptoms skipping the test to save time and save me money. This time I, like many thousands of people, chose to stay home and treat with over the counter options. So let’s assume that one in two people took the test to find out it was indeed a flu strain (probably a gross underestimation), then that 7% death toll is actually 3.5%; though it’s worded “of all deaths” reported to the CDC for that week, so potentially it’s still off but just considering that deaths in homes or accidents would not be tabulated, for quite some time really. Essentially the 7% would only be those people that died of disease in a hospital, as those are the only numbers that are reported in real time, so still not likely an accurate percentage for flu/pneumonia vs total population. We have not lost 7% of our population in the last month of influenza, not even close!

Lies, Damn Lies, and Statics.

Beyond that, have you noticed that every news story ends in a plug for the vaccine (which they’ve admitted is at best 30% effective-3rd year running) and Tamiflu, which still has much inconclusive data in world research governing bodies.

They’re trying to scare you into using your insurance or cold hard cash to spend on those products because people are wiseing up and refusing to waste their money on ineffective treatments (at best, hazardous at worst).

….

To prove a point:

40,200 people died in accidents involving motor vehicles in 2016 
Number of deaths for leading causes of death, 2015 final totals:

  • Heart disease: 633,842
  • Cancer: 595,930
  • Chronic lower respiratory diseases: 155,041
  • Accidents (unintentional injuries): 146,571
  • Stroke (cerebrovascular diseases): 140,323
  • Alzheimer’s disease: 110,561
  • Diabetes: 79,535
  • Influenza and Pneumonia: 57,062
  • Nephritis, nephrotic syndrome and nephrosis: 49,959
  • Intentional self-harm (suicide): 44,193



So essentially, you have just as much of a risk of dieing from a car accident or suicide as the flu. Furthermore, you are currently 10 times as likely to die of heart disease or cancer as any one of the other 3 causes. Not to mention 3 times as likely to die of other accidents/unintentional-injuries. However, how many flu-style-news-articles do you see in a week about car accidents, suicide victims, heart disease, or cancer? And yes those news articles do exist, but with far, far less frequency.

They want you to be afraid because it makes them more money than if you just paid attention to your own body and went in only when you needed treatment. The catch is don’t be one of the stupid ones that brushes it off a few days too long, ignores the wheezing too long, or allows themselves to be overly dehydrated and under nourished while fighting off a simple illness- those are really the causes of dieing from the flu. Well treated, well rested, well hydrated, well nourished people that allow their bodies down time to heal- very, very rarely die from something like the flu. It’s not impossible, but your risks in that situation are miniscule. Be reasonable, and be responsible for yourself and you’re likely to be just fine in a few days

This brings me to my final thoughts.

I spend nearly all of my waking time these days working with people that have made it into their 80’s, 90’s, and 100’s. No short supply of them either, a whole generation made it through the myriad of scary life ending possibilities.
They are so old they no longer care to do anything but sleep, and many of them verbally wish to die. However, for whatever myriad of reasons they’re unable to relax into a peaceful accepting place to go home to God. They sit miserable day after day, when we as staff are doing our level best to improve their quality of life. I’ve discovered that quality of life is really dependent upon what an individual wants and desires, and all my efforts are futile when the cared for can’t even tell me what their wants and desires are. I want to help, but can’t because I have no idea what’s going on in their minds due to lack of communication (mostly a very conscious choice, very few of my people are truly unable to communicate).
So, then I wonder, would it really be that awful if someone allowed themselves to succumb to flu, or heart disease, or cancer, or the myriad of other ways that one could die. It would eliminate the self induced misery they experience daily. My wish is for everyone to be happy and at peace, and if going home to god is the only way you’ll allow that to happen, then maybe it’s time to do just that, in whatever way possible.
Beyond that, even when speaking of younger people, who’s to say that a person’s death isn’t needed or planned on the divine level. Our mortal brains are simply unable to comprehend beyond our own limited view and knowledge. My personal opinion is that many of the life end battles people (young or old) go through might just be futility in the first place; and why waste the time, effort, energy, and often risk of severe pain, just to end up dead anyway. I personally think your conversation with god is worth more than any drug on the planet when it comes to living vs dieing.
That being said, if I’d truly thrown  in the towel with my depression, I’d have died years ago. The difference is I knew, deep down, that I needed to find the solution and figure out how to live happily. There was a small part of me that knew I wasn’t done, and that tiny voice kept me trying. I think that tiny voice was the smallest shred of my connection to god, and I’m glad I listened.
So how does one threatened with a deadly disease tell the difference? Only that person would know and be able to tell. If someone knows it’s their time, we should not be ones to argue. They simply must listen for their own inner knowing, that small voice of certainty. That is what really matters in life or death battles. That is the difference that’s needed to tell if a battle even needs fought. And if the answer is fight, then fight with all you’ve got, but keep listening to the little voice, it’ll give you the answers to make the fight just a bit easier. If the answer is relax and go with whatever god chooses, then do that. I think our current society is being called to return to listening to our inner voice in all ways, even when well meaning people want to offer “solutions” to what they see as your “problem”. Our inner voice is the only thing that can really tell us those things to reduce pain and suffering.
Of course, this is all my opinion and speculation. I’m certain the medical establishment would argue with me (especially since I work in it), so take my words with a grain of salt. I just hope you find your own knowing and the resulting peace it brings. One day we’ll all treat only what needs treated, and support all the rest with trust in the divine energy that pervades everything.

Progress, who needs progress.

Well, sort of. … I felt like I should be writing a general update, as it’s been a while. But there’s not really anything to report- at least in regards to the original reason for starting this blog.

The construction is at a dead standstill. No Supplies, no money for a while, and now no time either, and my back still being out isn’t helping. I don’t deal with chronic pain well, though I suspect I need to sit with Louise Hay’s “You Can Heal Your Life” in addition to the manual therapies I’ve been doing on myself. I’m sure she has something to say about your mid-back seizing up right during a period of stress.

I have apologized profusely to my family repeatedly. It seems every time I try to fix anything it seems to get worse. I am doing my level best to honor that it’s a hard journey to begin with. I’ve repeated “What doesn’t kill you, makes you stronger.” more times than I can count. I’m still trying to convince myself that this is all life is ever going to be and it’s fine. Such a bleak outlook makes finding joy difficult at best, but Law of Attraction swears that’s what you’re supposed to do. Let go and find happy anyway.

I look to my matron deities Brighid of the Celtic pantheon, and Kali of the Hindu pantheon. They are both butt kicking creatrices in their own right, taking the dregs of the world in front of them, smashing and burning, to create something new and better. I’ve done the smashing and burning- literally! So, where’s the making of beauty?

Sadly, I don’t have the answer. I’ve fresh run out of answers for myself or anyone else.

I wish I did have answers. It’d be a whole lot easier. The messages I get seem to appear as answers, but at this point I think I’m having trouble with faith again. I’ll work on that too- my promise to myself was continue to do my best to improve in any way I can. It makes for a very long to-do list of self-improvement.

So, I’m continuing with the introspection- hence another blog post. I feel like this has become my journal. At the very least it helps me organize my jumbled thoughts and place them somewhere outside of myself for a bit. That helps.

So progress, sometimes it seems elusive, yet there’s always some form present.

Lets see….

I’ve made lots of progress  on self-care. Pretty much if I’ve been off work, I’ve done something in that category. Re-cap: cupping, stretches, received a great massage, inversion table, heat, ice, worked trigger points on myself. Rest- gads of that. I think I needed it the most. Yet my back is still very sore. The offending trigger points are along my abdominals and serratus muscles right under my ribs where the diaphragm attaches. I suspect the trigger points seized up and are pulling on my diaphragm causing the pulling sensation inside my back. So I’ve got to get the front & sides to drop tension, the ribs and vertebrae to relocate to their proper alignment, and then the painful nerve constriction should cease. Yet, I felt like I accomplished that twice this week, so perhaps now I must alleviate the energetic component so that it stays better. So OK, Ms. Hay, what ya got for me?… I’ll let you know if I find something in her writing that helps.

In the meantime, I got my Massage CEU’s taken care  of and my license renewal submitted to the state. I was actually expecting it to be a more painful process based on my original license application. I guess they figure if the first one is painful it will weed out the riff-raff and then subsequent renewals don’t need to be as obnoxious. Anyway, I did all 12 credits online since I’ve been financially behind the 8 ball indefinitely, it’s really the only way I can afford to do my CEU’s and bonus it lends itself to doing them last minute, which it seems is always a necessity budgetarily speaking. It made for a long day, but the result is another year before I need to even think about doing anything else. My National boards will be the next thing to come due, and that too will probably get put off until the last minute.

Wood was cut all day yesterday, and when all was said and done, I thought we would be good for a while. Except that it’s all soggy from being out in the open during the last couple of storms. I went to light this mornings fire, and went through several rounds of kindling with no actual fire resulting. Nathan then helped find some dryer wood and together we got a fire going. Then to compensate for dry time, he went and bought $20 worth of wood from a man in Gallatin. So now if we stack all the wet wood under all the dry wood, but the time we go to burn it, all should be well. Hopefully this round will be more than 3 days worth of wood (that’s what we’ve been averaging prior). Nathan and I keep commenting that we have no idea how some people can handle being professional lumber jacks, it’s kicking our butts.

Exercise continues, though at a much gentler pace this week.

I’m struggling with carbs and stress- they are a nasty pair that like to gang up on me and persuade me to do things I would have enough sense not to do otherwise.

Ian is talking non-stop. This morning he told me that he didn’t want that one [cartoon], he wanted “word party”, he didn’t like that one, and word party is fun. Geesh. Smart kids are hard, and a lot of work, and exhausting. I have no idea what to expect tomorrow, let alone by August when he turns 3. But I’m grateful that he is smart and strong, hopefully his life will be easier than mine.

Anya is Anya. She’s 11.5 years old going on the proverbial 15. She swings from being really helpful to really moody in a sneeze. I can’t please her, and my words bounce off of her as much as they do Ian. Yet somehow I feel like she really cares and is probably fighting her own new-hormone-induced demons.

Our Yule tree is slowly being dismantled, after having only had lights on it for about 2 weeks. The lights were taken off prematurely because it was after the first of the year, and I had to explain that is my rule when it goes up Thanksgiving weekend. It could have stayed up longer and been fine by me. But since the lights were off, we just left it that way to dry, slowly breaking branches off for kindling.  We now have a dead, half gone, scraggly tree in our living room! I don’t know weather to laugh or cry.

It’s tax season already, and I’ve barely put a dent in what needs to be done. Being self employed makes for much more obnoxious and time consuming taxes. C’est la vie! I’ll work on it a little at a time and they’ll still get turned in on time.

I got some music. Some via Google Play, some I checked out from the library. My playlists on my phone are already great, but I suspect adding a little more will make for some good drive time. I really do love music- playing, singing, or listening. Every commute is me singing and bopping my head to the music de jour, blasting via Bluetooth through loud speakers, while sailing down the highway. For some reason one particular mantra piece has been resonating intensely for me and many a commute has been it on repeat, singing at the top of my lungs- LISTEN HERE. Though I’ve also spent a fair amount of time with Deva Premal’s Gayatri Mantra. I think I get a little carried away, but I just feel so good singing along. That is the one place where strange looks don’t bother me. Go ahead and yuck it up at my expense, at least my commute was enjoyable for the most part. That and my lack of shaving, and my lack of wearing make-up, those are the only elements in my life where I feel like I’m invincible. For some reason, I don’t give one iota other’s opinions on those 3 topics. It’s too bad I can’t bleed some of that confidence over to other things.

Work is going ok. I had some rough scheduling moments last week, and missed a few of my residents. I’ll make it up this week. The newspaper route is going well, save for crappy weather. One night it was so windy that we kept having to chase the lightweight papers and re-throw or place them somewhere we knew to be safe. Another night we had negative temperatures, and even with boots and double layered socks, my toes still froze. And last night the ice wasn’t too bad until what would have been the last 20 min any other night. It took us 90 min to finish the last 20 of route and drive home (also usually 20 min), so the ice essentially double the last portion of our night.

We’re ploughing through fuel trying to make more money, so it looks like first chance I get, I’ll be buying a used hybrid. It will help with fuel consumption massively, but it means that any other plans will be delayed again. Just go with it – right?!

Chocolate is my friend of late, with coffee a close second. I can see Nathan is literally wearing himself out and I’m helpless to do anything to correct it. I have a very intense feeling of “no one listens to me” that I’ve yet to conquer. Ian is smack dab in the middle of his terrible two’s, and I want for nothing more than spring to come or a giant winning lottery ticket or to be held and comforted- but I’d definitely take all 3 and/or more (if God’s listening). – “Om Gum Ganapataya Namaha”

Wow, that’s a lot. Not the desired progress, but it’s something right? Life goes on. Make lemonade out of lemons. Sleep when you can. Enjoy what you can.

“I am where I am, and it’s okay, it’s alright. It has to be because it’s all I’ve got.” -Abraham Hicks

Namaste

Let it go, just kidding. 

So this week has brought with it a gaggle of strong people (mostly women)  in pain. 

I have waded through the muck of a half dozen people with almost the exact same tension pattern of varying degrees of severity.  Neck, to mid back, & heavy to one side.

After having worked on the friend I mentioned in my last post,  I noticed I was carrying similar tension, but thought I’d overdone exercising on the rowing machine at the YMCA.

But the people  kept  calling.  Each one admitting they’d been hurting for a while,  and that’d it finally gotten unbearable.  After the 2nd one I thought,  maybe mine isn’t from exercise.  Then 3 & 4 appeared at work & I figured I was carrying some collective energetic junk. Finally after 2 more friends begged me for help for the same issue,  I knew for sure something has to be in the collective energy field.

It happens every great once in a while.  In my career of nearly a decade I’ve noticed it maybe 8, or so, times.  Like mass hysteria,  everyone suddenly has the same physical complaints (or very similar with a majority of overlap). Unfortunately,  I’ve never escaped it myself. Nathan thinks this particular round might have to do with the impending inauguration, being that the strong women I’m around all find Trump offensive. I can’t say I disagree with that sentiment.

Anyway, this time is no different for me. After a wild week of riding the emotional roller coaster,  sifting through my own muck, & helping others with their shoulders- mine finally got unbearable.  By last night’s route I was having trouble moving,  any twisting motion sent pain shooting up my spine. I  told Nathan, and he offered to help. 

He vibrated my back & hips. He massaged with his hands, and finally he applied cups for me.

After about an hour (maybe 90 min) of very intense work,  this is what I look like. 

Nathan did a great job considering that I’m the one that was trained in cupping. I guided him on where to put the cups based on where I was feeling it most, & I said “when”, when each cup hit my intensity toleration limit.  Then you wait for it to work- 20 to 40 min.

I’m so grateful for Nathan doing this for me. I get my professional massage from my great therapist tomorrow,  but I knew I wouldn’t make it to my appointment if I didn’t do something. 

The cupping took a huge dent out of the severe tension.  And from the look of the picture,  I was storing up a lot of toxins.  It’s called stagnation when your muscles produce the dark purple peticia  you see on my back. It looks like a bruise, but really it’s just toxins (salts, lactic acid,  built up minerals,  etc.) having been pulled to the surface . They’ll be a little tender for about 24 hours and then I won’t even know they are there anymore.  They fully process out through kidney function in about 5 to 7 days. 

Now that being said,  Nathan didn’t solve the problem 100%, so I’ll definitely still need my massage tomorrow, & I  may have her do some more cupping to get anything that was missed.  When it’s done in a massage context, you can even drag the cups to really break up tension in the fascia- I’m thinking I need that.

I also asked my friend that has an inversion table if I could use it soon,  and she said Tuesday works. So I’ll essentially have 3 days in a row of self care. Time consuming, yet soothing, quite time… ample time to keep processing mentally.

With that being said.  My hour of cupping & vibrating was well utilized for visualization.

So far I can’t get “the boy” (that’s a short term of indearment to substitute for “online friend”) – out of my head.  Oh, I’ve tried.  No luck so far. I just can’t brush off the way the connection feels. Something that rare and special just doesn’t happen every day.

So for now I’m chalking it up to I don’t know what it means,  & I’m sending love anyway.  Maybe I’m not supposed to fully understand this one.  Regardless,  I’m going to make the best of it. So when he comes to mind,  I think pleasant thoughts, visualize what I’d prefer to happen.  It soothes me every time. … Now, if I could just figure out why I had a really vivid memory yesterday of a seemingly insignificant interaction with a man at Whole Foods from probably well over a year ago (it was warm weather, but I can’t remember spring vs fall)- I think it’d help make sense of some things. 

Anyway, my time this afternoon was that and visualizing other good things in my life.  I may not fully understand the law of attraction,  and I still think there’s either a hiccup or something I’m missing,  but it does feel good to practice visualizing future goodness. So, be it money,  vehicles,  home,  or this confusing man, I am attempting to think and visualize positive  more often. It seems to help with anti-rumination too.

Here’s to hoping that there’ll be a better brighter future in my little family,  and a little clarity on the way to it!