Tag Archives: self-work

Do you enjoy vanity?

I found myself saying: it must be nice to be vain; that is after experiencing the 3rd person this week to comment on the lines the face creadle cover made on their face.

I’m from the perspective of- I like my massages, and so what if the face creadle cover leaves lines on my face. At least I got a good massage to combat and eliminate the stress this world produces in my body. I’d much rather have face cradle lines than the look of weary and downtrodden stress-bots that most people carry.

Then I started thinking, do people really enjoy vanity? The kind of vanity that is afraid others might notice your massage face. What is your brain telling you that makes massage face a bad thing?

Why would you even want to carry stressed face like everyone else? What is so appealing about sameness, that you want sameness even when the reality of that sameness is an element you work to undo every 1 to 3 weeks?

To me relaxed massage face or genuine glowing happiness and joy are the best faces to have, and anymore they are both rare.

Mostly, I have enough sense to get my massage and then go home. The few times I haven’t, I later thought: what the hell was I thinking, I’m not functional after a good massage. So I tend to think others would do the same.

I guess not; and in your instant worry about lines on your face and trying to be functional afterward, you’ve just wasted what your $80 just paid for. The moment you go back into worry, your body begins to ramp up your stress response and literally within minutes to hours it will be as if I never worked on you to begin with.

However, that is my job security.

No matter how well I demolish your stress and built up tension, I know that it’ll come right back. It comes back with every negative thought, every stress induced action, every repetitive motion, every moment of WORK, every worry. Frankly, most of society is really good at that side of the equation and really lazy on the stress reduction side of the equation. Why do any real work on/for yourself, when you can go pay someone to do it for you, and convince yourself that your occasional massage is adequate.

The real work, I used to give as homework, until I realized my words were bouncing off of thin air.

Now, I just willingly accept your $80/hour and smile politely when you make remarks about the lines.

The real work:

Self-care, including but not limited to:

Meditation

Yoga

Epsom salt baths

Regular Mag-a-hol usage

Supplements including but not limited to Magnesium, Potassium, Fish Oil, and Turmeric

Self-massage with a variety of easily accessible tools, some as simple as a tennis ball or foam roller.

Better diet choices to reduce inflammation

Consistent and ample sleep

Regular Sunlight

The not so hilarious corker here is that all these same things fight depression. You can read “The Depression Cure” yourself for the science of why, but in simple terms.

Stress=Inflammation=Tight Muscles

Stress=Inflammation=Pain

Stress=Inflammation=Depression

So tight muscles are usually experienced alongside pain, and as statistics are showing, increasingly alongside depression as well.

Massage fights the tight muscles element and can combat stress itself to a certain degree, but unless you work on the whole package, you will never find whole relief.

So go ahead and waste many dollars and many hours seeing therapists like me to convince yourself you’re doing what you can to feel better. I’ll gladly accept the job security, and inside laugh at your vanity over lines.

For those willing to do the work, I’ll gladly answer direct questions on any number of topics.

May you all have abundance of self-care and a famine of stress and worry.

Discernment

So yesterday was a very interesting day full of discernment.

I had several moments where residents passed on messages for me from afar/spirit. It was not quite as intense as the couple of times in recent history which I already wrote about, but intense none the less. I would share them here, but one of the phrases that I received from the second resident to do so, makes me think I should refrain from sharing yesterday’s experiences for now. She is a resident that is severely affected by something along the lines of Lewy-Body, and most of the time I can barely understand her. Yesterday however, the message was loud and clear and makes me cautiously, yet excitedly, anticipate my nearer future. It was unclear if what was being conveyed would be before, during, or after our family trip, but I interpreted it to be a good thing regardless.

On that note, I’m not a good liar, it’s one of many reasons why I prefer honesty. I find that in situations where I am not supposed to talk about something I  just avoid full discussion and become evasive, often redirecting or changing the topic all together. So, this is as much as you get until I get further notice from either the divine or the person it was regarding. All in all, other than wishing to disclose my reason for excitement, I am just happy to have had a good day.

I felt my connection all day yesterday, to varying degrees, and whether it is my mystery person of the last several years or a divine connection I’ve come to refer to as “my ET”: I’m still not sure. I’m not so sure it isn’t the same thing, perhaps “my ET” simply used HAL to be a mystery person in my experience. Who knows; I don’t.  One day, perhaps after I die it will become clear. However, for now, I relish the connection, and I am utterly grateful for it, even when I find myself saying “WTF- what is happening?!” It is strong and mostly feels good to great, and affects my body in a number of ways which I occasionally have trouble describing with the English language. Of course sometimes the sensations would make anyone blush, so I’d just rather keep those descriptions to myself. Mostly I find it pleasurable, but occasionally I get a pit in my stomach or feel very anxious from it. At those times I am still grateful to have the experience, but often wish that particular aspect would subside quickly.

Anyway, yesterday was mostly good, and felt great, but in the evening I thought that I would have a drink with dinner- partly to celebrate the good day, and partly to mellow out and relax. I had a singular hard cider with 5% alcohol. I was very quickly sloshed, even to the point of slurring words and silliness, and afterward the fall off was anything but mellowing. It was more like jumping off the cliff and I got very tired and quite cranky. I apologized to myself, my family, and especially to the connection. It was far more intense of a response than I had intended with my one normal drink.

Further discernment came late in the night after having slept for a few hours I woke with intense gastro-intestinal cramping and nausea. I took some homeopathic medicine we usually give to Katherine for her allergy induced colic, went to the bathroom, and then went back to sleep. I woke this morning mostly back to normal.

My discernment here is that I have cleaned my system up so much that even a little of some things is too much for me. My phrase this morning is that I no longer find my enjoyment in foods and drinks. I am definitely coming to terms with my body desiring to only have enough healthy foods for sustenance, and that I really don’t need anything else.

The up side is that I am dropping weight again, I’m down almost 15 pounds in a little over 2 weeks. That causes me to do a happy dance because it is in direct contrast to the 50 pounds I had gained working the activities job the prior 9 months, and being surrounded by all the things my body was attempting to say no to.

My calorie intake has dropped significantly, not intentionally. I am still eating frequently, in fact more frequently than before. However, I’m just sticking to that handful of healthy foods that my body is okay with. Some days I feel like I am a fish because I find myself consuming other fishes, shrimp, and lots of green leafy things. If it were not for my nut and chicken intake I wouldn’t have anything to argue otherwise.

My nut intake increased intuitively based on a memory of information I had learned on Brazil nuts. So I am literally eating all the nuts except Walnuts (I had reacted to them strongly while pregnant so I’m assuming they are still off limits), and very few peanuts (though I have never reacted to them, they tend to carry high levels of environmental toxins). At the same time, my chicken/poultry/protein-shake intake has decreased, again based on an intuitive flash that I might be consuming more protein than I need.

So my intuition said, more nuts (especially Brazil), less protein, cut the chocolate (addiction), and eat more frequently. Then voila, I am suddenly shedding weight again. I love it when I listen to those flashes, and follow through and it works! That is the best kind of discernment.

So this now tea totaler, wishes you good days filled with intuitively helpful discernment. I also wish for you to have all the messages from the divine that you need and the ability to be honest and open in your life. Be the Change and Be Your Unique Self.

So Mote It Be; Siva Hir Su

“Help is on its way.” -Abraham Hicks

The sentiment is that if you relax and let the energy flow,  that your body can return to it’s natural state of healing and health. It also can be applied to attempting to live in the vortex and allow good things to flow into your life.

Lately, I find that I am working on acknowledging that repeatedly. This week I had a couple of weak days. I had an awful time finding peace, calm, and clarity, and it seemed my body ached.

I asked the friend from massage school that I’ve reconnected with, to send some prayers for me. I needed a bit of help. He offered some kind words, and I appreciated that greatly. He’s very christian and so his words were from his perspective, but even in the state I was in, I could read the broader meaning and it helped some.

I slept and the next morning I woke to a very full email box. As I was going through emails I opened one stating that it was full of inspirational quotes. The link took me to the quotes, and a pop-up for Louise Hay’s newsletter blinked up before I could even really read the quotes. I looked at it and said sure, I do like Ms. Hay’s writings and teachings. Upon submitting my info, another resulting pop-up gave me the link to download one of her live sessions. IT was super helpful and instantly helped me raise my vibration.

Essentially, it spoke of the transition period when you begin to rise your vibration and change your thought patterns for the better. How there can be an uncomfortable period of oscillation between the higher more positive vibrations and your previous lower ones.

I knew that was an answer to the prayer that I’d asked Evan to send for me, and it also directly answered my burning question from the days prior. My original question was essentially why is it that I had a really really good day on Tuesday and then spent Wednesday and Thursday down. I knew as soon as Ms. Hay said it, that it was my oscillation. A temporary result of practicing being in a better feeling place. Ms Hay suggested to just let those emotions flow, not hold onto them, and definitely give yourself as much love as ever to help the lower period pass more easily. I spent all of Friday practicing just that and sure enough by lunch time I was feeling better and by the end of the day I was right as rain again.

Ms. Hay warned that the oscillation period can be a challenging time, but that if you stick to practicing the better feeling thoughts that eventually you will have less oscillation and then eventually clear the other side all together. I look forward to those days. I do like the idea of improving my state of being. I like knowing I can change. It’s definitely difficult, but I foresee it being completely worth it, so I’m sticking this one out for the long haul. I will get myself together and figure all of this out. Help is indeed on its way.

 

 




What’s in a Belief?

Google Surveys, giving me play store credits, has enabled me to build my already massive music library even bigger. Listening to new songs like Kaleo’s “Way Down We Go” and old favorites like Flogging Molly’s “Float”, I find myself contemplating beliefs and my life again. I suppose it’s better than ruminating on one topic.

According to Abraham Hicks: “A Belief is simply a thought that you keep thinking”. That was their explanation, but part of a larger discussion on essentially habitual thoughts.  By their definition many thoughts can fall under belief.

We often think of beliefs as being religious in nature, and true many of them are, but not all are according to that definition.

For instance, I consider myself Pagan, as that seems to be the closest label to put on my religious beliefs. Being raised in a split faith family, Mom being Catholic and Dad being Mormon, I saw at an early age that religion was merely someone’s definition of how to attempt to get closer to God. Catholics and Mormons have many similarities, though they can’t seem to see it or find that common ground in practical interactions. I noticed that they liked to argue over seemingly simple things like whether or not Coffee was an OK drink, but ultimately it was because someone somewhere had labeled it as not being good, and then a bunch of people agreed that drinking coffee would keep you from reaching God. When really maybe it does for some and not others. I always did wonder why they couldn’t agree to disagree on what works best for them in reaching God.

That was just in my family dynamics, not to mention how I later perceived the millennia long battle that still rages today in the middle east over essentially the same issue. It may be a little more complex than that, but ultimately it boils down to who was there first and who is “right”. It seems such a waste of human lives for thousands of years to keep arguing over such an insignificant issue. I mean really Judiasm, Christianity, and Islam share the same original teachings of the old testament, and their differences lie much later, so why fight war after war for centuries? Just to try and claim the title of “We’re right!”.

But that is a tangent, my beliefs are what started this blog post.

So, religiously I see the divine as a masculine feminine duality that manifests in a myriad of archetypal forms or labels. I’ve heard it compared to as a gem with facets, God being the gem, and the archetypal forms being the facets. I like that analogy. That’s why it un-phases me to switch between the old pantheons, I see the different deities in each pantheon as being ethnic labels of the same archetypes. Hence my previous post referencing Kali and Brighid as being two divine creatirces, because they are essentially the same archetype from 2 separate pantheons: Celtic and Hindu.  It’s the same reason I can listen to and sing Sanskrit mantras and turn around and reference something Bhuddha is credited for and turn around and speak of Bast or Bacchus.  They are all merely facets of the same God diamond or Goddess opal. So as far as faith goes I seem to have fairly flexible beliefs.

Not much good it’s done me. I see messages, I hear messages, but I rarely understand them, and they do little in the way of improving my life situation.  I do believe in psychic abilities, though mine seem to be spotty at best and completely unreliable at worst. At this point the trajectory my life has taken is so treacherous that I hardly think anyone would willingly choose it, yet I still have a belief that we- at least in part- choose aspects of our life journey before being born. I have yet to figure out why I have those 2 dissonant beliefs, especially since my journey seems to be so daunting that it literally scares people I care about away.

I have beliefs on money that I know are literally habitually ingrained from watching my parents as a small child. So much so, that I have yet to break them, and I fear that it is not only preventing my growth and financial abundance, but it is also self-perpetuating in being passed on to my children. Especially considering that Anya is about to be 12 and Ian is already almost to the magic age of 3 where most beliefs area already learned and being ingrained in our brains. I fear these beliefs have already done, and are likely to continue to do irreparable damage- but perhaps that is just another belief.

I have beliefs on social interactions, and government goings on, and aliens, and conspiracy theories, and vaccines, and things that are healthy or not. I have beliefs on education, and success, and whether or not my family listens to me, and so many more.

All of which I find myself constantly attempting to evaluate in real time and rephrase when possible. For instance I’ve noticed that I have almost a mantra of my husband and kids don’t listen to me, and I’ve been actively attempting to retrain my brain with “they listen, but like anyone can, they often forget or get distracted”. I don’t know that it is the end all, be all, fix for that particular belief, but it does feel better than “no one listens to me”. That is ultimately what we’re supposed to be reaching for right? Just a little better and a little better, until eventually you can see that there is improvement.

Then Louise Hay in her book “You Can Heal Your Life” explains that disease and discomfort are essentially outward manifestations of negative beliefs you carry about yourself and your life. Thus many of her solutions involve the mantra “I Love Mysef” or “The universe is safe and I am supported”.

I find that I have been working with those a lot this week and I am still and struggling with pain. My neck locked up two days ago, and my calves are on the verge of creating shin splints and plantar fasciatis because they have been in pain for nearly 2 weeks. Now granted I am working out 2 to 4 times a week, and that will contribute to leg pain of any kind, but I’ve also had a massage and a chiropractic adjustment in the last week. SO, Im left with the fact that this pain, that keeps migrating around my body, must be energetic.

Dear Louise says that pain is really guilt, and I have to say I can’t argue with that. I do feel guilt. Guilt that my family is suffering the financial strains that mine and Nathan’s journey has created. Guilt that I don’t have a great, wonderful, comfy, secure home with running water. Guilt that I don’t have enough cash flow to anticipate car repairs or other emergency situations. Guilt that I don’t have a decent vehicle. In fact, I would say that I feel utterly ashamed that I have tried so many different things, moved us so many times, changed jobs many times over as well, I have 2 different educations, and I still can’t provide for my small family what most Americans take for granted. It lends to beating myself up, but it also lends to being bitter over American Societies’ standards and  feeling furthermore a dunce for not being able to figure things out. I would say I’m definitely having trust issues with the Universe’s support, and any time there is shame it becomes a huge dark cloud over self-love.

It’s not that I can’t find good qualities in myself. There are many, as I started to outline in a previous post. I would say that generally speaking I do love myself, as I’ve managed to fight many battles in my life and I find myself sitting here in a very Monty Python kind of way screaming “Get Back Here! I Can Still Bite Your Knees Off!”. It’s just that my self-love has been overshadowed by the very real shame and guilt I feel, compounded by being in the environment I am most ashamed of.

I find myself wishing that the image, of when Shiva appeared to me while sitting on my front porch, was real. I was dealing with a somewhat scary spirit on the land, I could feel a very intense heavy oppressive sensation, when I called out to the divine for help. That moment a beautiful Shiva came and said it was ok, he’d help, and sure enough the image of Shiva literally consumed the dragon-like bear image I had of the oppressive spirit lingering outside. I felt calm and peace and that the other spirit had been run off, at least for the time being.

I do wish that would work with my life in general. I wish there was someone, anyone, that would look at my long list of woes, hold me and tell me that it was OK, because they were there to help. Yet, it’s not in the cards, at least for now. It might someday, maybe eventually, thus I leave the door open for possibilities, and hold out a little shred of hope. For now, I continue on my self-work. I will slowly work on my body and my mind, relaxing the muscles over and over again, telling myself that even though things have not gone as planned, the war isn’t over yet. That I still have many battles left in me, and there is no guilt or shame in that because I haven’t given up. That’s all I can do. I’m human, and all that is ever expected of any human is to just keep trying, just keep doing. I’ve learned a lot, and I will continue to learn each and every day of my life. Perhaps at some point those lessons will net substantial gains in my physical reality, but regardless I will do my best. For that I shall always love myself. No one else can dictate what my best is at any given moment, only I can define that, and I know I will always do my best. I will hold onto that in the knowing that the divine would expect no less and no more, and that the divine is supporting me in that journey. Self-work continues.

 

Image courtesy of:  http://www.gauravblog.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/03/Lord-Shiva.jpg