Tag Archives: Shiva

Bizarre Dream

Préface: I Know Mahashivatri is only a couple days away. I am aware of some of the rituals and practices, and leanings of hinduism. I do pay attention to Isha and their activities and videos and thus I have been doing some, but not all of the pre-shivratri meditations. My dream is still bizarre to me, because of my role in the dream.

I had the dream somewhere around 2 am CST this morning (3/9/2021), as I finally woke enough to check time at 2:42 am.

What was this very vivid dream?

It started with people dressing me in attire intended to give me the appearance of a Shivite- long, thick, rich, but otherwise plain looking fabric being wrapped  around me in layers. My breasts had already been covered in a thick flattening tub-top similar to breast bindings, but matching the tan tones of the main fabric. It made me look like an androgenous younger version of Sadhguru himself.

Once fully robed (or is it garbed?) I was led into ceremony. I remember being instructed that at the end of the procession I was to sit on a specific bench in the same posture that Shiva is sometimes depicted. It’s the same pose Sadhguru usually sits in himself. See pic below courtesy of Isha.

https://isha.sadhguru.org/mahashivratri/shiva/shiva-parvati-strange-wedding/

I essentially just walked slowly, surrounded by what seemed like spiritual body-guards wearing similar attire. I was doing my best to maintain posture and composure.

Off to my right there were dancers using fire, and drums were playing a quick beat that made me want to walk faster. There were torches lining the procession path. As I neared my instructed resting place fireworks went off.

As I settled into my instructed pose there was a bright piercing light that emanated from just above the trishula(trident) of the large Shiva statue. It was not the same statue I’m aware of from previous Isha video-events, this statue was almost as large, but was a fully body standing depiction of Shiva. The light beaming down upon me from above, felt like a spotlight that was 10 steps too bright and quite blinding. It caused me to squint and I quickly realized that my face was contorted and tried to adjust my face to the pleasant smile expected of me.

At that point a man began to introduce me as Sadhguru’s appointee.

In the dream I remember very vividly beginning a mental rant directed towards Shiva himself. I’m still working on processing events in my own 3D life from this month and my rant was mostly about that. I was expressing extreme frustration over ‘why the hell I was here when Shiva didn’t really care about the things I care about’. I expressed frustrations over mine and my husband’s healing journey and why don’t we have more to show for our efforts, and why isn’t Shiva doing anything about the larger global picture and Western Medicine causing chaos just to make money off of people knowing they have no plans to actually fix anything. If he’s enlightened and part of divine consciousness then he should be able to miraculously fix things, right?!

I remember in the dream continuing this rant while standing to embrace Sadhguru himself.

Here I was supposedly taking over for an esteemed Yoga and Meditation leader, and I was ranting away at the spirit of Shiva.

Eventually my rant at Shiva caused the dream events to fade away and I woke just enough to feel my body. I felt the Reiki energy on full force and drug my legs from underneath the blanket to release some of the heat it was producing.

It caused me to acknowledge something was afoot in the 5D, and my groggy brain was having difficulty piecing things together.

I simply said I don’t hate Shiva, but I can’t handle the chaos and difficulties indefinitely without some kind of attaboy-good-dog reward. I deserve to experience results of my efforts, and I deserve to see and feel those results in my body and my loved ones. At that point I was just laying on top of the blanket trying to get back to sleep with the heat of the healing energy radiating from me.

At one point in my driftiness, I actually felt my abdominal wall begin to constrict gradually. It is one of the things I have struggled to fix, and I’m currently a bit jealous of a client that was able to have her similar concerns corrected surgically. She took the shortcut for something I’ve been attempting to accomplish on my own since Katherine was born (3 yrs). Last night my abdominals tightened enough that I could feel the misalignment in my spine from them having been too relaxed. I did my best to adjust and pop bones back without loosing the tone that divine energy enabled. It was an odd sensation, but one that I knew was ultimately a good thing. Perhaps it will enable the physical tendons and muscles to regain their rightful consistency and composure in a permanent way, time will tell.

I continued to lay half asleep for the rest of the morning. Alternating between no-mind driftiness similar to meditation, sensing my body, and commenting on things to the divine.

Needless to say when my alarms went off at 6 am I was not ready to get up, and felt like I hadn’t had enough sleep. Of course I really only slept from 10 pm to 2 am, so yeah 4 hours is not a full night’s sleep.

As it is, I’m in a gap at work writing this to try and make sense of all of it. I still don’t fully understand why this archetype speaks to me. I’m a midwestern white girl, with a black husband, and 3 mixed kids, one of which is a teenage stepdaughter. Why does the Hindu God have to be my communicator? It’s not like I fit the expected role for a guru, they’re usually single, chaste, old men. I’m entirely the opposite.

To make matters worse after telling Nathan of my dream I quickly got ready for work and began to head out. As I turned on our van to drive away, the sound that greeted my ears was an Indian male (that distinctive not quite british accent) saying “children quiet down now, we have a special treat in store for you”. It was apparently the start of a morning show that I never listen to because I always bluetooth music from my phone. Yet, I was left with a strong knowing it was a physical validation of everything my brain and body experienced in the wee hours of the morning.

Again, 38 year old white chick born in Ohio and midwestern to the bone. WTF? The gods seriously have a messed up sense of humor.

I’m not saying that my dream is impossible, but it would have to take Sadhguru himself picking someone like me to enable that kind of change. Hinduism isn’t likely to change their ideas on religious leaders and processes unless one of their most important figure heads actively makes those decisions and puts procedures in place to keep the doors open for gender equality.

There are currently too many taboos for women to even participate fully in rituals and services, let alone enable them to have a family and still be a religious leader. My own personal opinion is that many of those decisions were made by men wishing to maintain power control long ago. Some of the things that are taboo are supposedly because things would impact a woman’s menstrual cycle, and being who I am, I’ve tested those waters enough to know it’s bullshit for me. Often if I actually accomplish one of those taboos (downward dog while menstruating is a good example) I actually feel better. I can’t help but wonder how many of the taboos actually don’t impact women at all, and how many might impact energetically in a beneficial way (not negatively as suggested).

Anyway, that’s a side tangent expressing my disbelief in the dream. On one hand, it’d be really amazing if it actually happened, on the other I know I’m not ready to play Sadhguru’s role. Perhaps something similar to a lesser degree, fewer eyes upon me maybe. I have to acknowledge I have yet to master yoga or meditation for myself even, but I do get the basics. I’m still a work in progress, enough to not be the head guru. It’s just odd to me to even contemplate it, knowing all that I know and all that I’m still working on.

So, I simply don’t fully understand the events of the last 12 hours yet. I will leave space open for fuller understanding to eventually be clear to me.

May you understand your dreams and know you are experiencing healing in real time. May you know that your skills are respectable even if you haven’t fully mastered anything. May you know why you experience the divine in the ways that you do. May you know how to handle your experiences and their validations and know how to proceed. May you know that God loves and supports you in all that you do.

Om Shanti

Tiny Mt. Kailash

My tiny art for today was a continuation of the thought about the finite nature of the infinite. So I drew a mini Mount Kailash at night, proported to be the home of Lord Shiva. I would still like to go there one day, even if the radiation is so strong that humans can’t proceed past a certain point. I find it rather fascinating.

Graphite pencil on watercolor paper, approx. 2″ x 3″
Original I drew from.

You found me Avis?

“You Found Me” by The Fray

That song played as my evening calmly wrapped up in the ever present clarity of hindsight.

This evening was an exercise in trust and understanding.

I ended work on time to pick up the rental van. We were nearly through processing the paperwork to finalize the rental and payment when we were notified that the van could not travel through the state of New York. We were not notified of that when we set the reservation 2 weeks ago.

Unable to secure that, we made phone calls in route to the airport, as all the rental agencies there were open extended hours.

Hertz had vans and they were able to go through New York, but would have over doubled our cost.

Enterprise had exactly one van left, and it could travel anywhere, but was several hundred more than our original reservation. I was willing to suck it up and eat the cost, but they needed one credit card that could handle the reservation plus a large deposit. I explained I had quadruple the reserves they were asking, but no one card of mine could take such a sizable payment. They simply couldn’t handle that, and I was unable to secure a temporary approval for the one transaction. So I walked away frustrated repeating OM in my head to attempt to real myself back in emotionally.

Then I called my dad in frustration to ask if he still had his second vehicle. He explained he did but it needed transmission work and was not safe for distance travel. I asked his opinion on the matter and he said he always relied on National rentals. I thanked him for his input and said I’d let him know how things went later.

I walked over and National had none left.

Finally I sat staring at the Avis rental counter. I decided I had nothing to lose and the possibility of actually starting our trip on time.

I walked up with Nathan by my side. We explained our evening just as I did here, and the service rep, said let me see what I can do for you. After some tapping on the computer he pulled up a minivan and quoted a price only $300 over what our original reservation was for. He processed it through 2 cards with no problem, and explained the rental only covered liability insurance, we would need to arrange with our insurance for coverage for damages. I said no problem and thanked him profusely for his excellent service and solution. I told him I thought he was my new best friend.

I felt so much relief.

At that point we were only down 4 hours from our original pick-up. We stopped to get our very belated dinner and food for children. That was when the song by The Fray started playing.

It suddenly hit me. Avis backwards is Siva… As in the ‘Siva Hir Su’ I now use to flow energy. My guides gave me that one after reacquainting myself with Shiva mantras. Roughly translated it means the quintessence of all that is here is good. I knew I had been seeing messages and signs, but didn’t understand them. Was someone telling me I had things backwards? After all the song is about meeting God a little too late.

I had had enough sense to use OM to calm myself enough to trust that somehow I’d figure out a solution. And I did.

With hindsight I think I’m seeing the chain of events as confirmation that one must have trust and belief first, and then you can see God’s solution.

In my moment of OM I simply knew I couldn’t give up, I had to make this trip happen. And after a few moments I sat looking around and realized the only real option left was Avis, all the others had been tried or were already known as being too expensive from when we set our original reservation. I had to try simply because I knew the trip had to happen, and at the same time I knew I’d had messages even if I didn’t comprehend them. God wouldn’t try to send messages if he wasn’t trying to help. So Avis was a small leap of faith that even if I was being too dense to get the messages, they must still mean I’m supported enough that my last option would be the possible one.

And it was.

I spent the rest of my evening giving thanks for everything, especially that the trip would still happen. I would still get to see my mom, Nathan’s parents, and my brother and his family. I would still get my 12 days of reprieve from life. I had a few crunch time stress outbursts, but otherwise we got packed up with just a little bit less sleep for the journey. All was well.

May you all have your moments of clarity that help you to see what you were missing. Moments that enable you to know for certain that the Divine is doing it’s best to help and support you. Moments that make everything all right and provide that immense relief.

As above, So below, Siva Hir Su.