Tag Archives: solutions

Very long day.

Katherine is still not sleeping solidly or consistently at night and still waking at 5 am. I don’t know if it’s a reduculous learned pattern from our time with the one family, or energetic connection, or simply a pattern we’re too focused on to solve.

Regardless, I now hate 5am with a passion. I’m determined to put an end to it immediately, so I’m literally consulting every tool in my chest to find a solution. Sane people do not get up at 5am, o-dark-thitry, for no reason. Only if there is a job or some other cause. I’m going to figure out that cause and solve it, so my family can resume normal and sleep through 5am.

In the meantime my dragging meant an impromptu nap in a cold car, followed by attempting to finish my day by tracking down 1 of 3 possible massages.

When that failed I waited in the game room for a resident to use the WC. I threw a few darts and then noted the Scrabble bag. I dumped the bag on the poker table.

This was the result.

I merely righted the letters to be upright from my perspective, and that caused me to see words which I put very little effort into lining up.

The result:

Much like my plate messages. Deciphering the meaning is where it gets tricky.

Jet in son C, Ed, L.E.G. or leg, Gee C Web, AA, N, VRE, OAT (or TAO) U L D, Ad M U R R_D_, Z Y Q

Hmmmm

Getting home though my boys gave me loves.

Already on the bus.

So I’ve finished reading “The Energy Bus” and realize now that I’ve already gotten my bus going. It’s been a slow start, bumpy ride, with a few breakdowns already, but my bus is generally pointed the right direction and moving.

Really I’ve been driving my bus for a while, but just need more focus and helpful passengers

I have my committed passengers, in for the full ride- my family by marriage and by giving birth.

I have my semi-committed or part time riders, people in my daily and work life that are generally as helpful as they can be, but can’t necessarily stay for the whole ride. Sometimes they’re on and sometimes they’re busy on their own bus.

I have at least one passenger, maybe 2 or 3 that I’m hoping are like the character Michael. Where they removed themselves, but ultimately come around, and end up finding themselves wanting to make positive changes too, and join my bus again. That would be nice, not just for my bus, but for them- their state of being- and because it will validate messages I got what seems like forever ago. May we all master only feeding the good dog.

So far I’ve already ejected a few of what was termed “Energy Vampires” from my bus, and there’s one big one that needs to go yet. Fortunately, those from my biological family have mostly removed themselves from my life, so that’s one less hurdle.

With all that being said, this book leaves me acknowledging I have steps to go yet.

I have used this blog to write about Atira many times, but it’s scattered through multiple posts and partial posts, and I’m not sure I’ve ever reinforced the entirety of the complexity of that to those on board my bus, even if part time. I think it would help to get more concise with my desires, vision, and focus so that there is one document I can reference. Maybe even to give them copies.

I still have a ways to go to ensure I’m only feeding the good dog, and fueling my bus with positive energy. I have the basic idea, but have some practicing to do to maintain it, because I do let fear and stress get the better of me frequently.

Also, I totally spend too much time worrying about people that don’t get on my bus. I will get better at acknowledging maybe it’s too soon for them or they have other reasons for not joining my route. It’s not personal to me, it’s personal for them and their journey.

Additionally, I still have a ways to go on demonstrating my own enthusiasm and love. I already do both, but often allow myself to be easily deflated, especially when my efforts go unnoticed, unacknowledged, or unresponded to. Then once I’ve been deflated, I definitely still struggle to get back up and give another go.

I also need to find my purpose in everything better. It’s easy for me when what I’m doing is part of my vision for Atira, but much much harder when my task-at-hand is seemingly unrelated. That is evidence of not fully knowing that “everything happens for a reason”. I must trust more and find how everything relates. How does what I’m doing fit with my journey and fuel my bus.

Lastly, a huge must: start having more fun and enjoying the ride more. It’s not that I don’t at all, but I really succumb to stress easily. I’m latching onto the books’ phrase “you can’t feel stressed when you feel blessed”. That is my biggest new goal. To be “too blessed to be stressed”.

With that I wanted to share the list of rules the book went over:

And finally, I wanted to share an Abraham Lincoln quote (below) from the book that really resonated with me. My life journey fine-tuned to that direction after the online stranger woke my dreams up in me. I realized I may fail, I may never actually get there, but giving up all together- ignoring who I’ve become- is far worse than failing. I must remain true to who I am and where I’d like to go, if I’m to ever find consistent happiness and have any chance at all of possibly making it there. I want my light to shine bright from here until my dieing days.

Again, thank you for hanging in with me and joining at least the written part of my ride. I sincerely hope you benefit from my words in one way or another.

Finally it’s here!

Just got home, & Voi La: my medicine is finally here! Just in the knick of time.

At lunch I took another round of OTC bovine thyroid & iodine.  Again,  not ideal,  but better than nothing right.  Maybe, maybe not: my feet became swollen & felt like they were on fire, I was as fatigued as ever,  & as my work day came to a close my legs stated cramping & my heart started hurting.

I took the first dose of my new prescription  as soon as I got the box open,  & 30 min later I began feeling relief. It was almost as though something cool was traveling through my veins,  providing relief.  As I wrote  this,  my left foot is still uncomfortable, & there are just remnants of chest pain. 

I have suspected that the OTC desiccated  thyroid,  which is from bovine sources, may  be higher in T4 than prescription grade porcine thyroid.  Mainly because it gives me many of the symptoms of Levothyroxin, including hot flashes & anger, but not necessarily the symptoms of excess or hyperthyroidism like itchy hives.

I wondered if any of my sources had specifically addressed this,  and though I didn’t get that exact response, I did find an interesting article explaining why T4 vs T3 can still leave a hypothyroid person in big trouble. Here: I follow Hypothyroid Mom, & she filled in a gap in knowledge for me.  My heart pain was literally my heart begging for T3, & not getting it,  despite taking all my OTC stuff.

So now I know that I am probably not converting T4 to T3 well, & should be looking at my T3 levels much more closely. Another piece of  the puzzle coming together,  but so many more to go. Like, will I need a script for just T3?

I was just thinking earlier  today that the wonderful thing about ignorance is that you have no need or desire to examine the causes, let alone find any solutions for anything you are dealing with.

My thyroid journey began with a ride on  an Amtrak train,  meeting a woman who had a story uncannily similar to mine, same weight problems & depression cycles for years.  Telling me she met a doctor from Colorado that discovered a new type of hypothyroid that was being missed by most doctors because  traditional reading of lab results.

Though I don’t remember details of that conversation well,  I do  know it is what spurred me  to try iodine,  which literally got the ball rolling for  me.

The downside of coming out of ignorance though is that you are suddenly thrust into a giant puzzle of cause,  effect,  & searches for solutions.  Not  only do you now have a desire to figure some things out,  it brings your attention to the problem so clearly that you need to figure out the solutions as fast as possible to avoid intensifying the anguish and misery of your own predicament.

This also occurred with allergies for me.  Growing up I always had allergies,  as long as I can remember anyway.  Having to get shots to make it through the fall.  One year mom paid nearly a thousand dollars for a round of skin prick testing.  Results: several pollens, mold spores, & male cat dander. No problem right,  take your allergy  medicine,  avoid the triggers,  & you should be fine- ignorance is bliss- sort  of!

We never had male cats,   & during my worst seasonal allergy periods,  my mom would keep me in air conditioning & prevent me from doing any yard work. Religious,  she was, about making me take my allergy medicine too. With all of  that, I essentially spent my entire adolescence with stuffed up runny  noses,  red itchy eyes,  & many sinus infections.

Finally,  when I was a freshman in college,  I read an article about how many people with unending seasonal allergies,  really are experiencing a full body auto-immune allergy overload because of dietary allergies. I had no idea it was possible,  but instantly bells went off and all I could think was “is this why mine never go away? ”
Yanked immediately out of  my comfortable ignorance,  I started examining things I was doing,  working   with,  & eating to try & determine if that was truly the case.

It was months until I definitively found one – the first to be obvious was Red 40. I noticed every serving of food with it was followed by asthma symptoms.  The more Red, the more asthma. Good bye.

Then rye, it caused bloating something fierce, & all manner of What is NOW called IBS. Good bye.

Then it seemed like things were mostly better.  I quit searching.  Until,  that is, I got pregnant- thanks to the train lady suggesting Iodine,  actually working.

Pregnancy,  as many women know,  amplifies any issues you may have. Brings them to the surface and forces you to deal with them one way or another.

I was determined to have a healthy home birth,  so that meant hard work, & quickly.  Blood sugars, led to food journals. Journals led to patterns- allergies presenting.  Essentially every time I ate an allergen,  blood sugars spiked. One doctor finally admitting that allergies are  an immune response,  a stress on your system,  and any stress of  that sort will spike blood sugars. He admitted that might be the case,  only because I would have high readings & low readings with the same number of carbs,  & high readings were only with certain foods.

Knock out those foods: corn, potatoes,  tomatoes,  green peppers, wheat, & soy. Suddenly,  I can eat as much as I want all day long.  So long as none of those are in the mix.

Obviously,  I got my healthy home birth,  & happy healthy baby.

I fudge now & then,  but I’m learning that’s not such a good idea.  Even though wheat  isn’t my worst allergy for symptoms,  it sure makes controlling my thyroid harder.  Do you know how many things have wheat in them? !
Essentially,  if I stick to my allergen list,  I can’t eat hardly anything that comes  pre-packaged. Most gluten free items contain corn or potatoes,  or  both.
So,  behaving means: lots of salads,  home  cooked everything,  making my own sauces and dressings,  mostly veggies,  quinoa & Brown or wild rice are ok, & lots of fresh juices & green drinks.  It’s a lot of work – & most definitely not cheap!  I wouldn’t wish my plight on anyone,  yet I know I’m not alone.

I have my beliefs on the cause of  this whole mess called my life,  but they’re controversial,  so I’ll leave that for another day. Just know if you are reading this & resonating or “feeling” what I’m saying – you are not alone.  We’ll get through this together.  For now,  at least I have desiccated  thyroid,  & a doctor willing to work with me to find the best dosage, and/or solution. I hope you all find at least that piece of your puzzle.