Tag Archives: staying buoyant

I love.

I’m super tired and we’re still not completely done with clearing out the rental. I’ve had to go back to work, so the pace slowed in a major way with Nathan doing his best to wrap up the rest. To top it off I definitely strained/sprained my shoulder and have had to do everything available to attempt to get it back to functionality as quickly as possible. That process has left me feeling better physically, but open to energetic junk and I have spent all day feeling someone’s extreme sadness. I fought tears all afternoon promising myself I would not cry on clients again.

To that end I have done everything I could to attempt to stay buoyant. I created a list of “I love” mentally to repeat to get through my afternoon.

  • I love kitties, small and big.
  • I love sunshine.
  • I love soft fuzzy warm blankets.
  • I love feeling good.
  • I love my hair (even though I need a haircut desperately, it still looks decent and is soft).
  • I love flowers.
  • I love beautiful things.
  • I love being able to feel others (most of the time) because it helps me to help them. (Occasional exceptions apply).
  • I love Tesla cars.
  • I love alternate energy sources.
  • I love cute babies.
  • I love seeing my children have fun and smiling.
  • I love my strength.
  • I love real wood floors… And tile.
  • I love fire and fireplaces.
  • I love colorful things.
  • I love the first snow of the year (especially if I get to stay home).
  • I love massages.
  • I love candles,crystals, and gemstones… All pretty things.
  • I love having fun.
  • I love cuddling and snuggling with Nathan, kids and pets.
  • I love lemon water.
  • I love spring and Autumn- flowers blooming and colorful leaves.
  • I love celebrating anything.
  • I love seeing others be supported by friends and family… I told the office manager I’m just a little jealous and want to be like her when I grow up because she has so many good friends that show up for her.

There was more, but tired and achy just won.

May you have speedy recoveries, healthy days, and feel good mostly. May your tears stay at bay when needed and may you always have good friends that show up for you. May your list of loves be plentiful and present, and easily remembered when absent. May you have all the rest you need and energy for all your activities, chosen and otherwise.

Good night y’all.

Siva Hir Su

Still working on patience.

Seems I still have a long ways to go on that one.

We’re 3 days into our journey.

I’m tired, my kids are tired, my mom is tired, we’re all ready to be done driving, but there’s a long ways to go yet.

Our stop to see my husband’s parents in Cleveland was not nearly long enough as a reprieve from the drive, nor long enough to feel like we really had a good visit. I know Nathan wanted to stay longer- I saw the tears in his eyes as we departed. I promised him and his parents I would do my best to get us back for a real substantial visit as soon as possible.

I wish I could afford plane travel for 6.

Food is kicking my butt. I’m doing the best I can but I’m still getting small amounts of my allgens. My tummy is so bloated it hurts. I’ve been taking Benadryl as often as possible and doubled up on my supplements this morning. I have had headaches off and on, more than the last month all together.

I’m sticking to nuts and fruits in the driving, but when we stop at restaurants I do the best available. I’ve stuck to salads and “grilled” chicken, but the dressings have not been ideal. Plus the hotel breakfast each morning was the cheapest manufactured eggs and sausage possible, and my coffee had regular creamer, when I’ve not even been drinking coffee for months prior. It’s all been just a bit too much for my overly sensitive system.

It all leaves me doing everything I can mentally to stay bouyant, and failing occasionally. I’m finding I have to keep reminding myself I’m doing the best I possibly can, that there aren’t better choices to be had than what I’m doing. It’s the nature of traveling and being at the mercy of what’s available at chosen stopping points.

We’re headed through New York with a brief pit-stop in Lily Dale. My mom and I have known about it for years and so I couldn’t pass up the opportunity to check it out. Then the goal is to make it to Connecticut by bedtime. My brother reserved a room for us there near his home. Tomorrow will be the last leg to Maine including a detour to America’s Stonehenge.

I’m looking forward to my time in Maine and our detours. I hold those moments every time my tummy wants to cramp up. In between I’m saying mantras and giving thanks to allow as much Divine energy to help with getting through.

My lack of patience is my downfall though, it has caused more than a few snaps of which I’ve had to apologize for. My Mom gave me a taking to, to remind me to not be like my dad. I explained I’m literally doing my best to try to avoid that and change it in myself.

Easing into the journey and forgiving myself for lapses, doing my level best to be good, kind, and have more patience.

May you all have safe journeys, full of happiness, feeling good, and having patience for lapses, and knowing that you’re doing your best.

Siva Hir Su

Merde…. Now what.

So our ideal house from our original search fell through. The landlord was too traumatized by previous renters’ damage to commit to renting. He backed out saying he was going to sell all of his houses.

So now we start over because our second choice was more expensive and not nearly as close to our desired room configuration.

I have no idea.

This week’s been interesting.

 I blew the drive belt on the car on Wednesday trying to go home. So, Thursday and Friday Nathan & I carpooled so I could make it to work and he could get the belt replaced. It wasn’t an expensive repair, but Nathan attempted it himself on Thursday thinking it’d be easy based on having done others before. After giving up, he had the car towed and belt replaced by a mechanic on Friday. More of an annoying inconvenience than anything.

So Friday night I sofa surfed to save what drive time I could.

Saturday I worked half a day and scurried off to performance. My dad made it down from Iowa to see the performance. It was nice to see him again. He left just a little while after the performance so he could make it home at a reasonable hour. At that point we had dinner and I went home and crashed; cuddling with kitties.

With such a crazy few days I ate poorly, and so my sleep Friday and Saturday was less spectacular than desired.

Today was a regular work Sunday, and the resident matinee movie was ELF. At this point I’m doing my best to stay awake and ignore the massive headache I have (since its probably food related I’ll just have to ride it out). Elf is sort of helping, humor always helps.

I have yet to figure out what is next, especially with the moving plan, so I’m literally just continuing “as normal”. Just doing what I’ve done for the last few months. At least in respect to physical daily activities.

At this point all of my mental effort is on mantras and other buoyancy efforts. Anything to distract myself from the likelihood  that our holidays will be yet again in a less than desirable environment. There will be no new beds, no decorations put up, no gifts, no running water, and I’ll still have to alternate between sofa surfing and long hours of driving. Not to mention still having nagging thoughts of the boy I miss so much, and I’m a wee bit concerned about finding solutions by the time I’m due to give birth. My heart is so set on having another wonderful experience like I did with Ian.

Maybe after the new year. I really would like to see improvement soon. Nathan has pointed out that despite all of the myriad challenges I’m having right now, I’m staying more buoyant than previous years, so perhaps things will begin to improve. I certainly hope so. I’ve been told several times of late that genuine hope can do wondrous things. I really do  that our lives in general and our future holidays improve.

For now I wish everyone else that you have the happy joyful holidays that you desire, this year and always.