Tag Archives: thoughts

Magic Hippies Inspiration

So today I was battling the intrusive negativity again, and in the process utilized a mental light-bulb moment.

I had the realization that the Hippies of the 60’s and 70’s really won. They spent all of their time thinking about and talking about free-love, oneness, and all things feeling good. Now 60 years later we have cannabis being legalized (soon to be federally legal), and even plural marriage is being legally recognized in Brazil and Massachusetts, with other governments contemplating it. I suspect that like LGBTQ marriage, it will only be a matter of time until all states willingly (or have to) recognize plural marriage, good for us Polyamory people (polygamists too I suppose).

Anyway, the thoughts of the good things to come from those wonderful hippies years ago helped me to fight off the negativity. I really just focused on the elements of the old negative paradigm that have already fallen, and the pieces that are currently in the progress of falling. It made me happy to focus on the progress that society has made, and that the old guard clinging so tightly to their unhelpful beliefs is gradually fading away (or dieing). It made me happy to acknowledge that their clinging to things that weren’t working, is ultimately what led to their demise, and that the progressive leading edge is where life thrives. That simple dichotomy was what was so relieving. It really solidified that all I need to do is stick to the leading edge feel good things, and I will thrive like everything else. It feels really good to acknowledge that.

It is the magic of the Law of Attraction or the thought revolution: to simply reach for what feels good knowing that it will eventually produce real life feel good tangible things. Again, that quote from Aleister Crowley plays in my mind: “Magic is the art and science of creating change in conformity with will”. We all have access to magic and it is our will, our ability to focus, that enables it to do wonderous things.

This has only been solidified by watching anime with my kids.

First we watched “Mary and The Witch’s Flower” a 2017 movie in the Studio Ghibli style, and now we are working on the NetFlix Original series “Little Witch Academia” also similar in animation to Studio Ghibli.

Both shows are obviously oriented towards Magic and the unseen world and the good things that it can do and accomplish. This theme is continued from our recent exploration of She-Ra, and I have to say I am beginning to see it’s influence in my life and my kids’ experience.

I had a conversation with my 6 year old where he was trying to harsh on the shows, by saying magic wasn’t real. I simply explained to him that it was his perspective that was making it seem like that.

I explained that real magic isn’t seen with our two eyes like it seems in the cartoons. I told him real magic is seen with the mind and our 3rd eye. I explained how our thoughts create things, (for like the millionth time!) and reiterated that the magic depicted in the cartoons is a portrayal of that process. I told him the cartoons just make it look flashier to make it even more exciting, but it’s really something everyone can learn to do and the better you get, the quicker things begin to show up. I said “I can’t make something appear instantly, but then again I haven’t spent my whole life trying to either”.

I also reminded him of my Reiki work and moving energy. I reminded him of how we have worked together for him to learn bending elemental energy like in Avatar, and that he is starting to get it. I explained that moving energy like that, be it for healing someone or doing good in your environment, is all a form of magic. I reminded him that he can barely feel the elemental energy right now, but it can still be felt. So even though it’s not big and flashy and obvious like in any of those cartoons, it is still very much his magical gift.

One step further, I acknowledged that many of the shows of my childhood, and now those shows I am watching with my kids, have all contributed to a better understanding of these unseen portions of our experience. There are now two, maybe three, generations with a better grasp of the energetic world. Now only do we sense it better, we are choosing to use it in helpful ways, having seen the effects of a handful of powerful white men utilizing it for their own personal gain and manipulating the masses. (1%’ers). Us younger generations are intent on creating positive change that benefits everyone, and the momentum is already gaining, thanks to those early hippies having done their good thought work. It is a wonderous blessed thing to be able to step back and see it all, and it makes me feel so good.

On an only slightly related tangent. I had a conversation that began over woodworking projects, and segued into my swords. Ultimately, the conversation was because I need to replace a damaged mount for the one sword and in the process I need to accommodate our others. I was talking with the one chiropractor about that and he offered that I might be able to use his wood-shop on a day off to do that.

How it related to magic, thought, and powerful will, was in the swords themselves.

I have always disliked guns because they do immense damage, and anyone with working hands can pick one up and fire it, often mortally wounding someone. It’s how we have so many idiots going on killing rampages, kids accidentally killing siblings, and bullets damaging houses and cars because of a sports win. I myself have only fired guns once in my life, at the age of 13, and I can say with certainty that I could kill someone if I had to use a gun.

Swords however, are like those magical thoughts. Swords have immense power and can bring a foe to the end of their life, but swords can also be wielded in more positive ways, and the handler is the one that can make that decision. Swords require skill and knowledge for their force to be managed properly. Swords require strong will, power, focus, and vast knowledge for their usefulness to be realized. They are also quite beautiful compared to any firearm. I personally think that is why swords are still utilized in cartoons where guns are not. She-Ra had mad skills with the sword even though she was trained by the Horde to use guns, and rarely did she strike someone with the sword directly, yet she always accomplished the goal.

The cartoons I have watched with my kids have really solidified for me that you need more than just raw power. You need a full understanding, control of your self, control of your thoughts, knowledge, skill, and willpower to utilize it all effectively. The sword is just a symbol of all of that for me.

So now my inspiration is two-fold.

  1. Make mounts to hang my swords again.
  2. I want to create an art piece that somehow reflects both the concept of the She-Ra Sword and the ‘Skiny Rod’ or ‘Claiomh Solais’ that Akko carries in “Little Witch Academia”
    • I have an idea started, but it needs some fine tuning before crafting it can begin. I still have so many other things on my massive to-do list that it may be quite some time before I even get to attempt the construction. We’ll see. As with all things I never say never. I may get to it sooner than I think

May you have good thought moments. May you see and understand what your magic is and how to utilize it fully. May you have a positive impact on this world, especially with your thoughts and will. May you have quality time and good learning lessons with your kids. May you have more than enough inspiring moments to draw from in your lifetime. May you find that you are riding the leading edge and full of life force because of it. May you know that above all else, God loves and supports you in all that you do.

Om Shanti

Delusional Fantasy

This quote has stuck in my head.

I sit fighting yet again with feeling mass consciousness being in a state of mass hysteria and fear. The whole ‘chicken little sky is falling’ is a bit much for me being an oversensitive type. However, it amused me that my kids watched a “Pete the Cat” episode yesterday covering safety and being overly cautious. I saw where a bit of it applied to current events.

I also am butting heads energetically with my ET again- so much so, that I have chosen the following statement to combat it: “Shiva, go destroy yourself, destroy your fear, your anger, your negativity, Siva Hir Su”.

It helps, but it is a constant battle.

I really don’t need to know the truth behind that connection anymore, be it my father or the past love interest, or something bigger than either. I just know I want the negativity to die, let it destroy itself. Maybe that would actually help create something better for once, not some half baked, not quite right, skewed approximation, or the shit this world is full of right now.

It also seems to me that the divine masculine collective (my father and a few others in my awareness included) are either not ready or not willing to change. They simply can’t seem to reach for love, acceptance and honesty. But maybe that is because I really just want an apology from certain ones, with some honesty, and really wish for all of me to be honored, and respected.

Regardless, I do feel like I’m trying to run with my own personal delusional fantasy, but with a thousand pounds of other’s muck weighing me down.

So beyond my short acknowledgement, I had wanted to write for a release and a reach for better. I’m not sure I can muster it today. Every thought brings negatives, every positive is drown out by hopes dashed, worries and fears, and most aren’t even mine. I fight, but today I have failed to win.

I tried to think about my place at the clinic in a positive way, and even failed at that. I won’t steal their thunder. They have worked hard for what they have. They are intelligent, hard working, and deserve acknowledgement for their efforts and knowledge. They do care in their way. Just because I need to continue to reach for improvement, does not mean I have to take theirs. I had hoped they would see all of me and my desires, and I had hoped for more with them. Alas, everyone only sees the part they want to see (maybe more human defect).

Yet, my feeling good told me that there was more. That I mattered in the ways I wanted to matter. But it seems that maybe it really was just my delusional fantasy.

I am just a place holder. This thing for that person, that thing for this person, etc.

Part of me wishes I did love guns as much as my father, I would kiss it and pull the trigger for the full experience and the release it brings.

As it is, I’m supposed to stay alive, and just live my mini-Atira on a shoestring budget. My dreams seem so far out of reach.

When we finally get the relief we’ve been waiting for years for, I don’t know what I’ll do. I have no idea how much it will be yet. I still hope it’s enough to buy a business or at least become a partner of one. But I simply don’t know, and what I wanted doesn’t seem to exist, especially at the clinic. It a good clinic but just not meshing completely, and I’m significant to no one. I’ve lost some of the confidence that I’d eventually be able to build my Atira, I’ve even lost confidence in being a business partner because I’m not wanted in the way I had hoped for.

I want to believe, but the darkness has filled my head with doubts again. It doesn’t help that I am living a close but not quite life, one that has limitations based on relationships and structures and locations. Covid has become the new F word, and I have taken to hiding more and more.

This world is not life. This world is not love. This world is shutting down and hiding in fear, and even my little close-but-not-quite clinic has fallen into it. Even my own home has too many conversations about what is going on out there, instead of being a peaceful reprieve. And the darkness and chaos that dogs me frequently, gets to my children too. I feel it hit me, and within minutes my kids feed off of it and ramp up into trouble.

My candle is about to go out in a sea of darkness, and I’m not sure I care anymore.

I have excellent days where I keep my head above the dark waters and can find the moments of positive to latch on to. Sometimes those good days fall in a decent stretch. This week I managed to keep it together most of the days, and struggled only on Wednesday and today. Other times it seems reversed. Regardless, the outer world is getting darker and colder, and it’s not just the weather.

Every time I reach out, my efforts just don’t matter.

Even my good days I feel sequestered and isolated.

Why is anyone afraid of dieing?

Our world died months ago and no one is doing anything to fix it. Hospitals still ill equipped, no solution for any virus that anyone has ever contracted, economy still in the toilet, business that will never reopen, increased suicide rates, increased depression rates, increased anxiety rates, increased opioid drug use, increased theft/burglary rates, increased auto-immune diseases, increased autism, increased anaphylactic allergies, no parties, constraints on gatherings of any kind, churches shut down, longer and longer lines outside at food banks, more homeless, more unemployed, yet national guard has been deployed to several overseas locations. Weather patterns shifting, coral reefs dieing, polar ice caps melting, plagues of many insects, wildfires burning entire states to the ground.

Really, seriously, is there anything good left?

There has to be, but winter has hit, so tress are bare and flowers are dead/gone. I find myself watching squirrels over and over again. I told one yesterday ” Do you know how cute you are to me right now?!”

Even our winter holidays that have existed for hundreds of years, thousands even, intended to help people make it through harsh weather and excess darkness, have been sidelined or shut down completely. We might as well just kill each other now, if we all started shooting each other it’d be over quicker.

It is what it is. I’m okay for the moment and my mood shall pass, I’ve practiced enough to know I’ll pull up again. I guess I will just have to latch onto watching squirrels and do my best to ignore every iota of everything else.

“Shiva, go destroy yourself, destroy your fear, your anger, your negativity, your chaos. Siva Hir Su”

Siva Hir Su

Siva Hir Su

May you see some positives in your world. May you find your strength and endurance to keep your own light bright. May you see the light at the end of the tunnel. May you be significant to others. May the darkness and chaos leave you alone. May the darkness and chaos kill itself. May those of us wanting to make the world a better place survive and find each other.

May God’s light shine bright and protect the positives. Om Shanti

Under heavy artillery fire.

That song came on this afternoon after a fast helped me pull up some. It felt appropriate.

If others’ thoughts were weapons of mass destruction, I’m under direct attack of heavy artillery fire. Most don’t even know they’re doing it, so it’s not maliciously directed at me, but the damage is just the same.

My armor took a direct hit when I gave up (a few posts ago will clear that up) and made food choices that were far less than ideal. Because I haven’t overcome the paradigm of “____ foods are bad for me”, the giving up caused a system crash. For you see, a human brain is like the computer and the engine of a car put together, and poor food choices classically hamper its function for me. (Makes me want to write a tangent post.) Brain function was further impacted by a night of terrible sleep likely caused by my friend going through cancer treatment. I went to tell her of my poor sleep and she had nearly the exact same pattern. She didn’t cause it on purpose, and I didn’t pick up on her on purpose, my system was already compromised.

At that point all bets were off as to my survival, and the last two days have been sketchy at best. But today’s decision to do a true fast was apparently the appropriate action. My system had all day to process and clear while I worked. This evening I’m finally beginning to feel a little better, though still exhausted.

My brain has been so compromised by the allergic reaction and exhaustion that it was akin to a radio trying to play 6 stations at once, and only one of those was me.

There was the friend, whom is a good person, and would never intentionally cause me grief. However, with her treatment and diagnosis, I’m certain she herself is experiencing grief. She also really just wants to retire and no longer be responsible for others. She also really wishes she was recognized for her knowledge and abilities more. All of those sentiments were in my thoughts the last two days, and repeatedly.

Then there is Autumn, because I’m helping her and also because I had a long visit with her in the hospital, she broke through my damaged armor. All of the things that we have in common for mental battles had surfaced for me over the two days in question. I’ve also had a massively painful experience in my body, and the worst locations mirror locations she has had her surgeries on, or where the infection is still causing problems. I suspect it’s merely a combination of my allergic reaction and her woes being in my awareness.

The other biggie is my digital-stalker father from those few posts back. I jinxed myself by commenting that I must have gotten my point across because there hasn’t been any hits from him on here, or energetically. Then he visited again sometime after midnight last night. See he thinks he’s got software that shows him browsing from all over the world, except that I get one or two hits from China followed by the familiar 1-ton wave of negativity from childhood. His wave is so intense I can’t fight it, but I nearly always know it’s him fairly quickly. It comes with thoughts of wanting to die, but more of self-hatred. I know they are his logically, but my radio tuner turns them into sounding like they’re mine, the wording is always from the perspective of the self. When I was little I didn’t understand that, so I genuinely thought they were mine, right up until I moved away from home and it eased significantly. He’s right and taught me so well what to believe that I’m not sure I’ll ever completely eliminate the bad programming. I’ll never be good enough, I’m not strong enough, I’m not attractive enough. I can’t fix anything, and can’t do anything right. No one likes/loves me. I’m alone, I have no friends, I’m worthless. There is no reason for my existence, and for the life of me I don’t know why I’m here. Those all cycled through my thoughts heavily last night and today, before my system finally began to clear out.

If I could do one thing, it would be to create indestructible armor for my brain, against my father’s thoughts. At this point though I’m trying to just find my standard low grade intrusion level.

The other two stations that played were harder to figure out, probably because they were being drown out by the last 3.

One I think was the guy that I fancy, and for whatever stupid reason wish he would come around and tell me he cares. When I’m not inundated, that connection usually causes me to feel a mix of regret, apology, desire, and thoughts about needing to prove myself more. With all the rest going on the last two days, I only got the regret.

The last station in the mix was too garbled to really distinguish, but I suspect it could have been a client, or my far away lost love. It was just enough to make everything that much more confusing and difficult to process.

I know everyone saw my struggles and I know that at least a couple of my co-workers were really concerned. I wanted to reach out, but didn’t feel like anyone would fully understand, or really know how to help me. I just did my best to stay as clean as possible. Yesterday, the fatigue won and I ate crappy mass produced cookies. Today, I just kept coaxing myself, and save for some super clean vegan-allergy-free carob-chips early in the day, I didn’t eat anything at all. It’s now 6pm and my tummy only acknowledged a need to eat because I’m writing about not having done so.

I’m hoping that a clean dinner and some really good sleep will cure the rest of my ailments. However, the body aches are still pretty intense, so I may need to do some heavy mechanical work to regain full functionality.

I’m just glad that I managed to fast my way out of that mess.

May you have moments of clarity. May you find relief. May you understand the mechanics behind your current experience. May you see how to correct things efficiently. May you always have exactly what you need and be able to maintain high vibration/frequencies. May only Good thoughts fill your awareness. May you know how to purge any negativity in your experience and may you know how to shield yourself from repeat experiences. May you know that God really does love and support you.

Siva Hir Su