Tag Archives: trust

18 of 27: Why Not?

"Why me?"
She asked
An empy room
Bare walls
Candle light flickering
TV gone to static blue

"why not?"
Came the reply
No voice to hear
But heard
It's best description

No face to see
No one to touch
But somehow
Someone was felt

It makes sense
Yet it doesn't
It is understood
Yet not completely

A message
A mission
A role to play
"How do I want to play it?"
She thought

I suppose
It's my choice
To make the best
Or wallow
In the worst

I choose
To make the best
Be the victor
Own my strength
Be a force
Of my own
For better
In my world

~ Treasa Cailleach

May you find your inner knowing. May you be confident in who you are. May you rise above any and all challenges. May God speak to you and reassure you when you need it. May you feel your best self always and reach for the best as much as possible.

Om Shanti

7 of 27: Intangible

(side note I just noticed: this was written 12/7/2020 … it’s the 7th post of the series….hmmm)

Feelings
Burning inside
Radiating outwards
Can't shut them
Out
Or OFF
Known and unknown
Half-truths
Love
Somehow the bonder
Like super-glue
God's grace
Guide through
Darkest forest
On
Dark night
Soul
Seemingly lost
Somehow
Invisible thread
Leads the way
Paths unknown
Faith worn thin
Grasping for
Unknown tangibles
The way through
The clearing unseen
There must
Be a way
Patience and Trust
Wait
God's Angels
Watch
Keeping safe
Until
Steps
Become clear
Path to freedom
A small step
A giant leap
Away
~Treasa Cailleach

Next!

A continuation of previous inquiries.

  • I wonder if men are afraid that they will be treated by women the way they as a whole gender have treated women for so long?
  • Do the men that fear retribution not see there are ways to safely return balance, and that their own actions matter?
  • And the layered wrongness of assuming a woman did sexual favors to get into any position of power…. Should we also assume that men do sexual favors for each other to get into those positions? We already know there is a fair amount of human trafficking of women for those men, but maybe they are also just giving each other head to climb ladders. Or isn’t it just vile that we have to make any of those assumptions, when did being at the top loose any meaning of knowledge, skill, fortitude, or accomplishments?
  • I was once told it is wrong to think or wish anyone dead no matter how disrespectful or disgraceful they were as a human being. It is truth because wishing death on anyone for any negative reason is harmful to oneself because you are focusing on a negative because of a negative. Those patterns only beget more of the same, but when the thoughts are internal they often trigger the same pattern internally and lead to ill health. However, should we also not see and find solutions for the fact that vile people lead our country and medical systems? Should we not acknowledge that it’s simply not okay for those people to be in power and to be causing us harm on multiple levels including gender inequality and stripping away of rights and freedoms?
  • And, are you contemplating their death from a cruel, vindictive, or good riddance standpoint; or more from a compassionate view for them or those they are affecting? The how’s and why’s of death’s contemplation is what makes it negative or not. I have prayed for the peace and soothing release that someone desperately needs through death, far more frequently than for a death of a ‘healthy’ individual. Even at that, the ‘healthy’ individual is a relative statement, because most of those individuals were causing harm and hardships for many, which one could argue is not healthy for them, but definitely not healthy for the masses, and my requests are always generated from the relief for the most standpoint.
  • My own personal goal is to not do anything I am not willing to accept as my own consequence. If I loose my mind enough to bring harm to millions of people, I honestly would hope that someone would stop me at any cost. I am perfectly fine with that consequence, but I aim to not be that person to begin with.
  • I guess what I’m getting to is: acknowleding the levels upon levels that one has to evaluate before making any firm statement. I think we all need to do that in regards to many things and many contexts. Do any of us really use that level of responsible judgement before making sweeping broad statements in a very opinionated way? And does God hold every single one of those blazĂ© statements against us, or does God realize that it is yet another flaw of our humanness?
  • Does God already understand that our emotions sometimes get the better of us and we say things that we really don’t mean, just like parents with children? Does God have a way to tell what we really mean beyond human words, and solve the problem anyway? Does God ever know that we are expressing frustration over problems experienced, and see the layers of the whole picture and the whole onion of tears before reaching for a solution for us?
  • I like to believe that God really is greater and understands all of that and so much more that I’m not even able to communicate fully.
  • I like to believe God understands more than words, that God feels the emotions and the vibrations and sees the bigger alignment of all of it, and is able to see the best solution possible.
  • I like to believe that I am capable of trusting God and the divine in general, and that one day I’ll have a better understanding of why I needed so damn much patience to get through certain moments and periods of my life.
  • I like to believe that all my struggles and learning lessons along the way really did matter for a better experience, and that I will get to enjoy that experience for as long as I’d like, that I’ll really get to know what easier feels like in a prolonged way, and that it might lead to even greater ease.
  • I like to believe that the carrot is real and at some point I’ll get to enjoy the carrot cake in a wonderful way, and that the longer I wait maybe there will be even more and even better choices of cake. In a certain context, I took the best thing I’d seen the first try, and it didn’t pan out well- the dominoes didn’t fall as expected, maybe I didn’t wait long enough, or maybe that was a giant learning lesson to guide all my learning lessons. Again, only the divine knows the real answer. So I’m trusting and waiting patiently. Waiting for the feeling of knowing and certainty.
  • I am ready to be ready for improvement, and the divine will tell me how to get there one step at a time, and I can only ever accurately levie judgement upon myself, and even then after much contemplation.
  • I spend my days doing my best to be mindful, release stress, improve myself, and reach for better. On the occasion when another “gets my goat” I do my best to release it in whatever way I’m able (sometimes writing it out) and then forgive myself for falling for it, and forgive them for being the role of a trigger in my experience.
  • I wish everyone had that awareness, and we were all working that direction. I want us all to be happy and fulfilled and living easier lives: friends, family, neighbors, the whole of humanity. I genuinely want a better world in all the ways.
  • I’m doing my best to let go of my fears. It is entirely possible that I could make another choice that goes entirely opposite of my desires. I’m also afraid of hurting someone else because of my choices, as I’ve done plenty of that as well. Yet I am doing my best to maintain faith and trust in divine processes, and trust that if I listen well enough things will get better. I continue to reach for better.

May you have moments of recognition and understanding. May you find compassion for others, and forgiveness for yourself and others for any transgressions. May you have enough glimpses of the bigger picture and enough messages from the divine to know everything will be alright. May you find your patience even when you feel like you’re wearing thin. May you know for certain that one day it will all be worth it.

Om Shanti

Spiritual peekaboo.

It seems I’m having difficulty trusting myself.

It’s not that I don’t ever, but it fluctuates, and with interpersonal relationship hiccups it seems I’m floating in the distrust spectrum. Working on that, but definitely hesitant because of my failures in recent history.

Yet today one of my residents with MS, whom has a very plain-Jane super common American name, told me that her middle name was Reghandi (I’m spelling that based on the sound and my vocabulary awareness). I suspected it was another instance of a resident picking up on a message for me, so I asked staff what her middle name really was. The only problem is that none of them knew her real middle name, or at least that they would relinquish to me. So now I’m not sure.

All I do know is that the last 5 years I thought I was getting better at translating energetic information. Yet nearly every time I say something to someone about what I’m getting, I’m essentially told that I’m completely wrong. For a while I only said things if I was feeling very certain and like I was getting pushed into saying something. Now I can’t even bring myself to do that.

The last few times stung too badly, and I’m gun-shy.

I tell myself that they are either in denial, or that I freaked them out, or that I was scary accurate about something they’d rather hide. It helps to not completely hate on myself, but the doubt is there nonetheless.

So now with things like my lady’s random off the wall comment about her middle name, I’m not sure whether it means anything for real or not.

I now feel like my intuition is a bunch of B-S and I spend all day apologizing to myself and trying to ignore all of my twinges. I have very much withdrawn in a lot of ways, and it’s starting to affect my mood. Of course, not having taken any significant time for me in the last 2 months isn’t helping either. Merh, what can you do?

Finally, I have completely given up on relationships for now. I’ve decided that my heart already gives love to so many people, who could care less, that I’d rather not add any more to that. There’s options for me to do so, but I’m coming to terms with loving things/people that I can’t seem to align with, despite my best efforts. I’d rather just have the ones that are already in my heart, so I’m doing my best to figure out how to release the faulty programming/beliefs that led to this connundrum to begin with. Maybe I can fix the alignment issue and not have to start over. I just don’t know, doubts cloud that as well.

May you all trust your intuition even when you’re told otherwise. May you know what’s good for you and understand energetic input. May you know what to say and how to act with all of it. May you find the alignment you seek. May you feel accepted as yourself. May you feel the love in regards to both yourself and others. May you feel supported.

Siva Hir Su

It takes Guts

I woke this morning at 5:30am my time, feeling a burning in my chest and arms. A very familiar sensation of the past five years. The image that immediately came to mind was not as I expected, an image of someone I’d only ever seen via Nathan’s searching for answers. It was the person that by logical deduction I had placed on the left of my heart, assuming I had correctly labeled the person that held the right side. Yet this morning the sensation was all over. Why was the sensation all over when I most definitely had two people causing halves to activate in tandem as previously? And why did I get a mental image of just the one person? I don’t have the answers.

I had already written both off and started to move on. If the universe wanted me to do anything different, then timing is pretty lousy from my perspective. I don’t have my higher-self view or understanding of this at the moment. Nothing. Thin air.

With that being said I had to stop and take a moment to evaluate this person in relation to my now. If either one or both of them wish to come back into my life there would have to be much truth telling and rebuilding of trust. I would be very hesitant to relax into anything.

That being said this damned connection is so strong, and so persistent, even 5 years later, that I have to acknowledge the divine does seem to see value in maintaining this connection for some reason. I am not one to discount anything the divine sets in motion.

So frustrations and distrust aside, I would probably be willing to attempt to start over. My guts in this scenario would be stepping back enough to allow them the space to come clean and make things right. Yet, I would then have to continually remind myself I’m giving them a second chance. At least until that feeling place could guide me like it did early on, when I first felt the lies versus truth in energy. That will take great restraint on my part to not have knee jerk reactions. Just listening with an open heart after being hurt would take a massive amount of patience for me.

As much as I want to, I’m not sure I’m up to it. Though sometimes it just would depend on the day.

As I write this I then sit wishing that Republicans would find that same space. (I’ll keep this aside short since I prefer not to talk politics). I sorely wish for those good, honorable, respectable, intelligent Republicans to stand up and proclaim the Injustice that Trump has brought to their party. I know they exist and for the life of me I can’t understand why they are letting others ruin their party.

I’m not a republican, but I have never before hated the party as I do now. It’s all because of one man’s lies, manipulations, and espionage, and the rest of the party towing the line blindly or crookedly (depending on their actions). Where are the Ronald Regan’s of the party. It seems we have a whole party playing Tricky Dick-ery, except this time they failed to have the sense to keep it on American soil.

Lastly, if I hear constitutional crisis one more time I’m likely to punch the person that says it. There was no constitutional crisis when Billy Bob was being held accountable of abuse of power and lies over getting a blowjob. There was not constitutional crisis when Richard Nixon abused power and manipulated that election. Neither is there here. Trump has sorely abused his power and put our country in jeopardy involving foreign governments. He needs impeached and removed from office along with everyone that helped.

Republicans find your balls, have some guts, do the right effing thing.

That’s all I’ll write on that for now.

May you all find your guts to do the right thing, have an open mind, and work through obstacles of any kind. May you let love overcome fears. May you see God’s influence and understand connections. May you have a happy, blessed and fulfilling life. May you trust those around you and your gouvernent. May you see things working out for the highest good. May you feel safe and loved.

Siva Hir Su