Tag Archives: understanding

New Year: She-Ra & Snow Dog

Happy New Year’s again everyone. I’m doing my best to bring in the new year in the best way ever.

I started the day with a marathon of self-care and She-Ra.

So this linked site expounds on thoughts I’ve had today: “8 Reasons ’80s She-Ra Was a Feminist Badass and …” …I’m tempted to buy the action figures, though maybe for my birthday, give myself time to catch up from the current round of holidays.

I woke feeling stiff and my kids wanted attention. I had bookmarked the 2018 She-Ra on netflix ages ago but hadn’t been able to watch it. So, I set my shiatsu mat to rolling, turned on my ultrasound/infrared handheld, and hit play on episode one.

I was enthralled and everything was close enough to my memories of the show of my childhood, that everything came flooding back. I told Nathan “Apparently I have She-Ra programming in me too!”

I’m strong, I want to fight for justice, I zap people with my special powers (Reiki), I have to focus really hard to use my powers for good, I’m figuring things out as I go, and want to bring balance and set things right again. Now if I can just get my body to look like that, I’m set. It’s getting there. Hey maybe in another couple of years I’ll accomplish it.

I told Nathan though, my hair doesn’t do what hers does, and wouldn’t unless there was an “UP fan” blowing on me constantly. I explained my hair is so thin and has absolutely no body, so even when I’ve coated it in enough hairspray to be crunchy it still droops and ends up flat. I can’t even hold curls without a perm and for me perms wear off in half the time of other people.

Regardless, I’m definitely seeing some similarities to my life though, at least if you’re talking in broad quality descriptions. It also stirred a desire to not only finish the new reboot, but also to revisit the show of my youth.

Anyway, our marathon was 3 or 4 episodes before my kids got antsy to play in the falling snow. So we stopped the Roku and got bundled up in layers. It’s the first real snowfall Kansas City has had this winter and I wanted to make sure we could enjoy it for a long while.

Outside: I pulled kids around in the sled, I sent the two littles sliding down our little hill, we had snowball fights, I made a Snow-Angel, Anya built a small snowman, and I made a Snow-Dog. It was a ton of fun. (Pics below) the snow dog is not as impressive as the girl with cat and teddy bear I did a decade ago in KC, KS, see those here in my 3D artwork gallery.

Once we came back in, I built a fire in the fireplace, Nathan made hot cocoa, kids were sent to play in their room and I’m taking my Epsom Salt bath. So far it’s a splendid day.

May your new year start equally splendidly. May you have good times and understand where some of your programming came from. May all of your programming be helpful once you understand it more fully. May you help save the world. And finally may you know your are loved, God supports you, and your kids have the best chance of any generation to help make things right in our world.

Om Shanti

Not always a woman.

Mom visiting brought with it a revival of music we enjoyed together when I was a child. Pandora was my avenue to access such music easily. We did Beatles radio, Billy Joel radio, and Chieftains radio. It was really good to revive music memories with mom.

One song struck me as I sang the lyrics by heart like I just listened to it last week. Billy Joel’s “Always a Woman to Me” (see YouTube link if unfamiliar).

The lyrics to that song are just in me. Solid. I didn’t even have to think about it, and I haven’t heard that song for probably several years now. I own quite a bit of Billy Joel’s music, but it just hasn’t been in my heavy rotation for a long while.

I realized that the song is two-fold for me. One is that it is how I see my mom. Every line fits her ‘to a T’. She is an amazing being to me, even her faults and shortcomings. I love her very much in all her ways.

Second, the feminine half of me mirrors that. I think it is mostly because of prior thoughts I’ve mentioned, on the fact that I am a blend of my parents, on top of being bisexual. So the feminine half mirrors my mom. Yet, now I wonder. Is it possible that a song so ingrained in my psyche contributed to the development of my character? Is it simply that easy? I owned the lyrics so completely that it contributed to manifesting those traits? I don’t know really. It seems it may have played a part, but I prefer to believe that I felt the song was a good description of mom and I wanted to be like her and be loved that strongly.

The masculine half of me, well that is a whole different story.

Either way, I still love the song to this day, and now I see how it describes me too. I appreciate that immensely.

May you have moments of appreciation for self. May you see mostly good qualities and even love your flaws. May you understand how your life built your self. May you love those things that enabled you to come into your own being. May you appreciate every element of your path of life. May you see that God loves you just the way you are, flaws and all. May you have many manifestations of all of it in the best ways possible.

Siva Hir Su

She can kill with a smile, she can wound with her eyes
She can ruin your faith with her casual lies
And she only reveals what she wants you to see
She hides like a child but she’s always a woman to me
She can lead you to love, she can take you or leave you
She can ask for the truth but she’ll never believe you
And she’ll take what you give her as long as it’s free, Yeah she steals like a thief but she’s always a woman to me
Oh, she takes care of herself, she can wait if she wants
She’s ahead of her time
Oh, she never gives out and she never gives in
She just changes her mind, And she’ll promise you more than the garden of Eden
Then she’ll carelessly cut you and laugh while you’re bleeding
But she brings out the best and the worst you can be, Blame it all on yourself ’cause she’s always a woman to me
Oh, she takes care of herself, she can wait if she wants
She’s ahead of her time
Oh, she never gives out and she never gives in
She just changes her mind, She is frequently kind and she’s suddenly cruel
She can do as she pleases, she’s nobody’s fool
But she can’t be convicted, she’s earned her degree
And the most she will do is throw shadows at you
But she’s always a woman to me

Source: LyricFind

Turning point.

FYI: there will be images with nudity, if under 18 please leave or read with parental guidance.

Sunday through to yesterday, I fought like hell to even come close to staying buoyant. Yesterday was my son’s birthday and I was determined to have a good evening with him. I was fighting so hard to stay buoyant that I took a small amount of a THC to ensure his birthday was enjoyable. It floated me through until bedtime for kids and then I relaxed a bit on my own before sleep.

Now today I have been able to stay positive all on my own, no herbs. Yet, more than that, there have been 3 things that might have normally trigger a nose dive and it hasn’t. One was bad news from a friend about her lump, and I keep telling her to stay positive that it’s just a cyst. Then there was a phone call gone awry to my husband. After apologies and mutually settling down, we realized something is in the air. Calm followed.

Then right at 1:11 I looked at a song notification on my phone, it seemed to carry a negative message; something about closing the door. Anyway, I deleted it without even listening to the song and looking at the clock I said thank you to the angels. I realized that it is my door and the only one that can close it is me. I am leaving my door open, but only for those that are able to work their way up vibrationally and be honest and respectful and helpful.

Somehow, I feel like I’ve had a turning point.

Another moment that seems to validate that is my self image. I had a moment last night where I realized the self image I have been struggling with is because of having let my father’s words and opinions win when I was a small child. I was told I was fat, unhealthy, lazy and not good for anything. Beyond that I was told and shown repeatedly through his actions and media that only perfect women were beautiful. I logically know that both sides are inaccurate, but I have been having trouble knowing the truth for me.

Finally last night it was like it became clear. I had a mental flash of Alexander Cabanel’s “Birth of Venus”. I very familiar with it from having done a study of it in my art education. The message that came with it was that is what God intended for me to look like before all of the negative programming took hold. That is why I find that body type so beautiful.

So then I spent some considerable time searching the internet for similar women in a variety of fine arts. I saved all of the images in a folder titled “I am Venus” to use as a reminder of what my spirit really wanted me to look like.

Here are those pictures, starting with the trigger image:

At this point, I’m know my body is not there, but I am so much closer than I used to be. I know it is within reach, and a little patience and focus is all I need. What I am grateful for is the knowing that this was my intended body all along. Even more gratitude is felt because it is a widely accepted body type. This body type has been considered beautiful for eons, enough to be in art of all types.

It feels really good to know that my higher self wanted me to have this beautiful body all along, and now that negatives are beginning to clear from my brain for real, it is more and more in reach.

I’m not sure what exactly has shifted, but I am very grateful for the shift and the eliminating of negative memories and programming in my brain and cells.

One moment at a time I am making progress. One step at a time I am leaving behind unhelpful attitudes and vibrations.

Finally, after my self-image revelation I had another revelation about my father. I must focus only on the helpful version of my father. I suspect I know what that will translate into, but it is the only way to prevent the negative from deflating me again. I must focus on him having accepted me wholley and completely, being supportive of my love Nathan and our children. I must focus on the positive side of anything I have ever thought about him. That is the only way to ensure his negatives bounce off of me, and eventually will actually equal helpfulness from his spirit.

To that end, I’m waivering on whether to release my blog to public again. I may spend another couple of days focusing and maintaining my higher vibrational alignment before I resume my normal. I hope those that really cared but didn’t reach out will have patience and understanding for my withdrawal.

May you see the good in everything. May you have patience during this heavy time of transition. May you see the beautiful person God intended you to be. May you find a way to align with the best of everything. May you love yourself and have patience with yourself beyond everything else. May you find a way to keep the negatives at bay and eliminate old negative programming from your brain and cells. May you see your progress and know that you are doing what is best for you without harm to others. May you find progress and help others along the way. May you know that God loves and supports you.

Siva Hir Su