Tag Archives: validation

Hogwash & fiddlesticks, I want to feel good.

So my last post was pure livid anger, and for good reason. But as I’m learning, that Shit is how I spent 20+ years stuck in a depression loop. So damn it, I want to feel good.

That means I must look for what I like, for things I want, for improvement, for solutions, and for love.

It’s hard to do that when you’re so pissed off.

I’m discovering it’s even hard when you’re simply in constant motion. I’m essentially back to work 7 days a week, and when I get confirmation on hours from the building I do activities for, I’ll probably have a total of 3 days off in September. I make it work, and make the best of it, but transition has been difficult for my mental puzzle again. The result has been that I was gifted 2 illnesses (1 digestive, 1 head cold) from my family, since my vibration has been all over the place. I swear I’ve been sick more since thanksgiving than I had been the previous 5 years, and the only thing that’s changed is my intense desire and efforts to produce more income and higher vibration.

It leaves me acknowledging that my negative lapses are manifesting fairly immediately, and being that they’re small and manageable is a fairly good sign. It means that my positive efforts are building steam, which I already knew from the increase in hours and income, but I suppose validation from both sides of the equation is a good thing, a helpful measure so to speak.

So, my 2 ended train is finally moving in the direction I want, albeit slowly. But if I have learned well enough, it means I just need to keep at it to get some good momentum going.

More practice; practice makes perfect.

That’s a sentiment I’ve proven to myself many times over, especially with music and art.

So, since I’m already tired, super draggy, and stuffy headed, having trouble focusing, I thought I better write since it forces me to focus.

This week (or 2?) started with good validations. At one point I had an epiphany (very personal about my childhood “imaginary” friend) I simply asked mentally that if my thoughts were accurate to show me a green & purple dragon (thinking of the puff the magic dragon song). The next day at work there was a bouquet of green and purple flowers that were placed such as to remind me of a scaly dragon head. They were in a residents’ room and she was reading a “song of Solomon” about where someone’s love had gone. I knew it was my validation instantly and nearly cried telling her she was my message from god. Yet since that day I’ve seen nearly a dozen more green and purple dragons.

One of the last ones: I was drawn to stop at a favorite store of mine, but didn’t know why, seeing as I didn’t have any extra cash available for spending fun. While there I thanked the owner for support she gave years ago when Nathan was ill, she said she needed that, and I knew that was part of my visit, but something else was nagging me. I browsed a bit and ultimately discovered my message:

A Shiva statue priced with my birth year, and my dragon request on a singular box of incense. Next to 2 other incense boxes that were one of a kind. I know because it was such an intense set that I looked through the whole wall of incense to see if someone had just misplaced them. No, no matches were to be found, they were the last ones available.

I simply could not resist and bought the incense, knowing I’ll ultimately have to go back for the statue at some point soon. Resistance is futile. You don’t say no to the universe, but it’ll have to wait until payday.

The point of all of this is, I’m definitely getting messages, and they all feel really good. I like that. I love being validated and feeling supported. My only hiccup is in understanding. As in, I only asked for one dragon, and the first was good enough for me. So why then, give me a dozen more, one of which was the exact thought I had- a green & purple- puff the magic dragon?

Does the quantity and repetition equal someone screaming “yes!” from the other side? And if so, I’d think it would start manifesting, like now. I’m going to tell myself that’s the case and see how things unfold.

I have been feeling intense anticipation for some while now, but have difficulty maintaining focus on just that. It makes me all jittery, and ultimately I end up getting distracted by daily interactions. Yet, I suppose that’s the practice makes perfect element.

So, I think about what I want, and possible ways it could happen, and I do my best to make sense of other messages I see. Like I still want to end up in Colorado with a big dome full of people that love me enough to commit to being family. I know who I’d like that to include, but right now I still don’t have any idea how, and I’m doing my best to ignore roadblocks and deadlines in the way of that. I keep reminding myself that the divine can ultimately solve everything in proper timing, even if 60 days seems like a tight squeeze to me, and there’s probably a dozen options I can’t even fathom.

I think of all the other close calls I’ve had and how everything always worked out. God has my back and always keeps me safe. Usually I’m the one that gets in my own way of that, and this time I intend to be a cooperative element helping things flow smoothly.

To that end I even let myself go down a small ego-trip road with how lucky I am to have multiple people that care about me. People that care and help more than my own blood realitives (exception being my parents). It helps me see my good. I thought about my strengths and good qualities, and admitted that even my weaknesses could be worse. I appreciated myself a bit and acknowledged there’s a reason others care. I like knowing that, it helps me see how to love myself. I am a good person and I will get to do great things for this world yet. Of that I’m certain. I know that I must hang in and keep practicing this, and even if I have a few more muggle based action steps to enable myself to practice allowing, at some point soon I will get good at manifesting exactly what I want.

When I do- watch out, because I could end up being the next Oprah/Ellen. Not saying I want to be on TV, I really don’t, I just like how they inspire others and help so many people. Yeah, I want that part, and can totally skip the being on TV.

So this ended up being rambly and all over the place, probably due to that being sick difficulty focusing thing. I apologize for that, but I’m glad you hung in there with me. If I can climb out of decades of depression, and overcome livid anger in a few days, you can too. May we all make a better world by starting with ourselves. A single drop creates ripples in the whole lake.

I Had a Dream.

Or Did I?

[Side Note: Still in withdrawal from my phone. Trying to use a laptop for all communications just isn’t working too well. Some things just aren’t possible, so I’m feeling a bit disconnected today, and hoping this post will help.]

This is really a story from a few days ago ( a little over a week ago maybe).

I debated even blogging about it, as I have no proof, it could really just be my mind playing tricks.

It started as a dream; Nathan made some kind of noise as he was getting up to prep for his route, it woke me. I felt compelled to “Go back” and finish what was started, so I proceeded to meditate in the wee hours of the morning to get back to the “Dream” and follow through.

Sitting on the side of the bed I had an amazing experience that I just don’t know what to believe or do with it. So, after mulling over it for quite some time, I’m just going to share it here.


 

I felt like I was dreaming….

There was a dog barking, not unusual, but when it’s close and continuous I tend to want to investigate. I got to the kitchen window facing the driveway and I see a medium sized brown and white spaniel at the end of the driveway with something in it’s mouth. I think ok, it obviously wants me to come out, so I did.

When I get to the dog, it drops what looks like a newspaper in my hand, and I think: oh honey, I’ve got tons of those. I pet the dog on the head and proceed to turn around to head back inside. The weather is warm, but it’s getting dark so I don’t want to linger outside.

As I turn around I see a line of Animals. Left, close to the steps to the house: a black panther. To the right in order of lineup, the female Mountain Lion (from my real-life close run-in months ago), a male Lion, Tiger, and a Brown Bear. I literally think “oh my, it’s like the circus threw up in our yard”, at which point the animals seems to multiply and they start dancing. I just stand Awestruck for a moment.

I realize that something is approaching from my far left, so I turn my attention to that. It’s the black panther from a moment ago, and to the panther’s side is a woman carrying a young girl, they look related.

*That’s when Nathan made the noise and I woke up. I entered meditation and focused on the last image I had of the panther with the woman and child.*

The Panther guided the woman and child toward me. I stepped toward them. I could see the woman looked very concerned, verging on upset. The girl she was holding looked much like her. I could see the girl had lumps on her legs that were discolored like bruises. The girl was very thin, sickly thin, and looked like she was weak. She was maybe about 8 years old. I walked toward them so they were still in the grass when we met. I said to the lady “Don’t be afraid, when a beautiful creature such as this acts in this way, they are trying to help you…. Is this your daughter?”

She replied “Yes”. I asked for their names and  the lady replied “I’m Anna and this is Suzie.” She paused and said that something weird had happened earlier, a hawk had blown on Suzie’s eyes. I explained that any time a wild creature acts in a seemingly gentle manner as that, they are trying to help. I explained that hawks have very good eyesight and perhaps the hawk was trying to bestow some of that eyesight on Suzie.

I asked Suzie if it was OK that I hold her for a moment. She replied yes, and I gently took her from her mom. I noticed mom was still holding a teddy bear and I asked Suzie if she wished to hold her teddy. She said yes and reached for it, but reached the wrong direction. I knew at that moment something was preventing her from seeing correctly. I asked Suzie if she was cold and she said a little. I said OK, we’ll wrap you up in a soft blanket.

We sat down in the soft grass and I covered most of Suzie with a blanket. I was sitting cross legged and had Suzie rest her head in my lap. I had momma sit at her feet. I asked Suzie if she had ever grounded before, and she replied that she didn’t know what that was.

I explained that grounding is connecting to mother earth for stability and strength. I continued to explain that grounding is very helpful if we are struggling to maintain balance in our awake time, or if we feel confused or like we’re going to fall. I added that once we’re grounded we can connect to God and pull the two energies together in our belly in centering, and that it is a very good thing to do to heal our bodies, bring peace to our mind, and feel comforted. I told her it’s a good thing to do that process every day.  I immediately thought to myself: I know how to do this, why don’t I do it for myself very often!?  I refocused and began to walk Suzie through grounding. I told her to put her feet in the grass and feel the cool grass blades tickle her feet. I waited a moment and asked her if her feet felt tingly, she said yes, so I told her to slowly pull that tingly feeling up her legs by clenching her muscles. I described it like pulling on a tug of war rope, but with her leg muscles. Every few moments I would ask her if she felt the tingly sensation reaching a certain spot: ankles, calves, knees, thighs, hips,  belly button, tummy. Finally, I described where the solar plexus is, just below the rib cage in the middle of her belly, and asked if she could find the tingly sensation there. When she said yes, I replied good- hold onto that sensation.

I explained next that we were going to connect to God through our crown, or the top of our head. I said God’s energy feels very light and peaceful, like fluffy white clouds. When we stick our heads up in the clouds all our cares just seem to disappear. I asked her to do that and again gave her a few moments. I then walked her through the same process to pull that light airy sensation down her body into her: head, neck, shoulders, arms, elbows, forearms, wrists, hands, chest, ribs, and into the middle of her belly where she left the mother earth energy. When we got back to her solar plexus I asked her if she could feel the fluffy clouds mixing with the tingly earth, and she said yes it felt really good- warm and fuzzy all over. I said “Good, we’re ready to begin then. … I believe that the animals are here for you tonight. I love all of these animals, and they all have a space in my heart, but they rarely visit me, so they’ve come to help you, and they want me to explain.”

Panther walked up to the little girl and looked at her mom. I said “Panther is very strong and very patient, he’s very fast when he needs to be, but enjoys laying in the sun all day long. Panther is not afraid of anything in the world because he is the biggest and strongest in his world. Panther wants to give you some of that strength and patience, and is inviting you to bask in the sun every day like he does.” After I spoke the Panther sniffed the girl all over and licked her gently in several places, one of which was the leg area I’d noticed earlier. When Panther was finished washing her, he leaned over to her face and nuzzled on her cheek. He then turned to mom, and licked mom’s cheeks, touched his nose to her forehead and sat down in the grass to my left.

Next was Mountain Lion. I explained what I knew of this beautiful animal: “Mountain lion is much like panther in physical abilities and desires, but she is a very good momma. She will do anything to protect her babies and keep them safe. Her love for them is strong enough to defeat even the fiercest threat.  She likes to be alone at times, and is good at keeping an eye on everything from up high. She’s going to give you that love to protect you now.” The mountain lion then proceeded to do much like the Panther. She stopped over the girls heart, gently resting a paw on her chest and purring in the deepest most gentle big cat purr I’ve ever heard. While purring the mountain lion proceeded to rub cheek to cheek. After a minute she stepped back and sat next to Panther.

Next up was Lion. “Lion is the biggest and fiercest of all the cats, he is the king of his territory. Lion has little to no fear, and is a great leader. His strength radiates from him at all times, and everyone can feel that they must respect him. Lion is going to give you more strength and the ability to lead, so that one day when you are better you can do great things for this world. When you start thinking about what you want to do when you grow up, perhaps think about some type of leadership role that benefits animals.” The lion stepped  forth and with an open mouth proceeded to sniff and breathe on the girl. Lion gently touched her belly with his paw, and ended with a really big lick to her face. The girl giggled. Lion sat next to the others.

Tiger stepped forth. ” Tiger is also like Panther, but Tiger is very passionate, tiger always knows why she’s here and what her mission is. Tiger will stop at nothing to complete her mission and will overcome all adversity to do so. Beyond that Tiger has a great beauty, she knows her beauty and carries herself proudly. Tiger is going to help you know why you’re here, what to do, and how to show your beauty.” Tiger, purring the whole way, licked the little girl slowly from head to toe, and then proceeded to join the other big cats.

Finally, Bear stepped forward. I told her: “Bear is a whole different creature. She is a good mother protecting her babies at all costs as well. However, Bear knows when to rest, taking a very long rest each winter. Bear wants you to know that it’s OK to rest when you need it. Bear also knows that it is important to eat plenty of healthy foods: fish and berries and fruits and vegetables, bear will eat almost anything, but loves the bits that are both healthy and tasty. Her diet and her ability to rest are the things that give her such an intense strength enabling her to fight other bears and climb trees and swim long distances. She has much to teach you.” Bear came over and licked the girl several times in several locations. Then bear stood up and let out a fierce roar, very loud and very long. When bear was roaring she raised her paws in the air and at the end of the roar dropped down to earth hard and strong. It sent a beautiful light blue shock-wave of energy so strong that my actual body, sitting in my bedroom on my bed, felt the ripple. A ripple so intense I was nearly in tears. Bear nuzzled the girl and turned and nuzzled the mom, and returned to sit by all the big cats.

I took a long breath, taking in what had just happened. All of a sudden I just knew there was one more animal to visit with. I paused. Then I remembered the dog at the beginning of the dream. I looked around and didn’t see the dog, but could feel it. I waited a moment telling the girl that there was one more animal we were going to meet. When dog didn’t come forth I did the only thing that felt right, I howled like a wolf. Dog came trotting over happily and started licking the girl all over very excitedly. The girl started giggling and as the licking continued the girl started laughing out loud. I told them: “This is your dog, he has the heart of a wolf, fiercely loyal and a great protector, but the mind and body of dog and will be the most gentle and loving pet you’ve ever had.  He will be your sunshine when you can’t make it outside, and will cheer even the most down moments. He will give you a reason to get up every day and will take care of you with his every breathe. Every lick, every nuzzle, will carry healing energy. When this dog comes to you in real life know that he’s there for you and welcome him into your home.” I turn to momma and repeat that “When you see this dog in your experience, make sure he becomes a part of your family, it is very important you take him in when you see him. This dog will follow you both everywhere and will be a guiding force through even your toughest moments. His joy will keep you both afloat if you allow it.” The dog sat down next to the girl and rested his head on her tummy.

I began to wrap up. “I don’t know what the future holds for you two, but I know these animals felt strongly about helping you and providing some much needed and very intense healing energy. Every-time you find that you need a boost, you might be struggling or just plain tired, remember this  experience. It will bring all of those energies back into you for another bit of healing. Use the sensations you saw and felt here, to feel the energies from the animals. It will help you get through another day.”

I look directly into momma’s eyes: “Regardless of what happens, please know that you are being heard, that there is someone doing their best to help, and that even the animal kingdom did their best to provide healing to you and your daughter. You are loved and you are an amazing mom for putting your daughter first when she needed it most. I will continue to send prayers and healing energy for you both, and hold onto the dog. He will get you though everything.”

I paused to let everything sink in.

“I think it’s time you two return home. Panther will lead the way.” And sure enough Panther stood up and momma stood taking Suzie into her arms. The panther guided them off into the dark, and the dog followed at a slight distance.

I breathed a deep heavy sigh, and dropped my head saying a prayer that I hope I had done all the right things.



As I came out of the meditation I felt an overwhelming sense that I had communicated, so overwhelming I was in tears. I just knew that it wasn’t just a dream, and that I had done my best to do some good for someone out in this big wide world. I don’t know who Anna and Suzie are, or if that’s even their real names, but I do know that somewhere out there, there is a mom and daughter fighting a debilitating disease and I’m certain that they have prayed long and hard for healing. I hope that my experience made it through to them and that the animals really did provide healing. The only one I felt myself was bear, and that was because it was so vast and intense. Regardless, I felt like I communicated with animal spirits in a major combined effort to provide much needed healing. I have since sent Reiki to them many times, because every time I think about that experience it brings tears to my eyes.

I don’t know if the dog has shown up for them yet, but from having been at dog shows I knew it was a real breed. I looked up spaniels on Google and the one I saw in the experience was a Kooikerhondje (image courtesy of: DogBreedsPlus), which has a pleasant personality, great for a healing little girl. I really do hope that their dog comes to them, and that the healing form that experience is exactly what Suzie needed for total healing. Finally, I hope that momma reads this so that she knows it was real divine intervention. Sometimes we just need a little validation.

Many blessings to momma and daughter, and many thanks to all of the spirits that made the experience possible. I am willing and able to be your humbled mediator anytime. As Above So Below, So Mote It Be.